


Changing History

by purplelacemoon



Category: Billary - Fandom, HILLARY CLINTON - Fandom, Political RPF - US 20th c.
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:57:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 77,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplelacemoon/pseuds/purplelacemoon
Summary: When the person you love keeps on breaking your heart, how many times do you forgive them? Once? Twice? How many times is too many before the dam finally breaks and one of you is forced to walk away?In the end, who really gets to choose?





	1. Endless Possibilities

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been working on this story for a while now but I didn’t want to start posting until I was sure I’d worked out where I wanted it to go and roughly plotted it out enough that I could commit to being able to post updates regularly :)
> 
> This will start off as their relationship as it was, and then eventually it'll turn into an au
> 
> (Disclaimer ~ 100% fiction)

“Congratulations once again to the graduating class of 1973! Good luck, and may your futures be filled with endless possibilities!”  
  
The commencement speaker finished his address to a thunderous ripple of applause from the hordes of bright-eyed students packed into the auditorium in their caps and gowns, clutching proudly to scrolls of parchment paper tied with a single red ribbon, the shining prospects of each of their futures held protectively in their hands. A little further back in the crowds were the faces of beaming mothers and fathers and siblings and grandparents; some dabbing their eyes with a Kleenex and others simply nodding in approval, but all immensely, immensely proud.  
  
Amidst the elated chaos of cheering and clapping Bill Clinton turned to his girlfriend and wrapped his arms tightly around her slim waist, now hidden beneath the excess material of her oversized graduation robes. She turned her head toward him and smiled brightly, flashing the white crescent of her irresistibly adorable overbite, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement and exhilaration and all the promise of a future stretched out in front of them.  
  
“We did it Hilly! I’m so so proud of you!”  
  
They embraced and laughed and jumped up and down out of sheer giddy excitement, adrenaline pumping right through the electric atmosphere directly into them as they pressed their lips together. Just a little peck at first, then slightly deeper, the passion rising until Hillary pulled away slightly flushed. She never was one for public displays of affection, particularly when her mother and father and brothers were all standing mere meters away from them. Bill never minded her hesitance, quite the contrary, it was one of the many things he most adored about her. It reminded him how it was all the more special that she kept that side of herself private, something to share with him and only him and his heart swelled gleefully each and every time he was granted the privilege to cherish that honor.  
  
“And I’m so proud of _you!”_ She smiled blissfully back. He kissed the top of her head affectionately before their moment was suddenly interrupted by a swarm of their other friends crashing towards them, all exchanging hugs and chatter and congratulations in a whirlwind of high spirits and giggles. As the two were dragged off in different directions by their respective friendship groups they exchanged a grin, and Bill mouthed “I’ll see you in a bit,” to which Hillary nodded before she was finally successfully pulled away by her girlfriends to meet this-family-member and that-family-member she had heard so much about.  
  
As they made their way through the auditorium and mingled with the crowds the couple couldn’t help stealing glances back at each other whenever they could, trying their best to gravitate in the direction of one another as they smiled and shook hands with the many people in attendance. Since getting together in the spring of 1971 they had been largely inseparable, moving in together in a small New Haven apartment the very second the leases on their previous housing arrangements had expired. Studying together, laughing together, making love together, even crying together, their lives had perfectly and seamlessly woven right into one another. Bill had even canceled his highly anticipated summer plans to work on the Senator McGovern presidential campaign to instead go with Hillary to California while she worked at a small law firm in Oakland. And then the following summer she had returned the favor, following him to Texas to be with him while he worked on the McGovern campaign.  
  
Although it had only been two years since they started dating, Bill knew without a doubt they had been the best two years of his life. He had decided, and told her as much, that they were destined for each other, and privately he was already determinedly hopeful that by the time the next two years of being together had rolled around, Hillary Rodham would be his wife.  
  
Still, there was another unspoken reason as to why they were acting so ‘joint at the hip’ that day, as Bill’s mother Virginia had later commented with only a slightly disguised sneer as she cast her ever-critical gaze over the unconventional young woman she had become begrudgingly accustomed to as her son’s girlfriend. Still it was true, they were clinging to each others company even more than usual, both all too aware that although their futures and post-graduation plans excited them enormously, they knew all too soon they would face the fact that things were going to change. They wouldn’t be living together anymore, as Hillary was headed to Massachusetts to work for the Children’s Defense Fund while Bill had accepted a teaching job back home in Arkansas. A daunting 1,207 miles would soon be separating them, and though neither had voiced it yet, it was weighing on both of their minds that sooner or later one of them would have to give ground if they were to continue to be together.  
  
But that was a worry for another day, they had firmly decided. Today was for celebrating, and celebrate they did. After endless embraces and congratulations from their friends and family and teachers, the students were all met with further applause as they carried out the ceremonial tradition of flinging their graduation caps towards the sky. A picture was snapped of the moment, immediately followed by peals of laughter as the caps rained back down towards them again. Bill laughed harder than anyone, noticing Hillary accidentally almost pull her glasses off and send them flying up along with her cap, saved only by the fact that they got caught in her thick curly hair along the way. She caught his eye and collapsed into giggles with him, the love reflected in his laughing eyes eradicating any embarrassment she might have felt at her clumsiness. He always knew how to make her feel completely at ease.  
  
Once the ceremony concluded the students and guests all filtered back to their hotels and residences to change and get ready for the party that evening. Hillary slipped into a navy blue cocktail dress, figure hugging around her waist but loosely flaring out a little where it fell just above her knees. She combed through her soft brown curls and powdered her cheeks slightly before replacing her glasses on the bridge of her nose and scurrying out the door with her friends to find Bill and join the party.  
  
As they entered the transformed hall they were hit with the sound of dance music and the buzz of conversation. Balloons and banners adorned the ceiling and glasses of champagne were lined up in neat rows along tables at each side of the room. Hillary picked one up and began to sip at it as one by one her friends excused themselves from the group, catching sight of guests from home or boyfriends and running off into their arms leaving Hillary eventually standing as the only one left at the drinks table, quietly scanning the room for the only person she wanted to spend tonight with. Her gaze traveled across the dance floor searching until she eventually glimpsed the unmistakable unruly mane of Bill’s hair and the lively blue of his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and her face spread into a wide smile as she headed towards him, but she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks as a man who had been obstructing her view moved to the side and revealed that Bill was not standing alone.  
  
Her breath caught in her throat. _Please god no,_ she silently prayed, _please not today._ She glanced around to check that her parents were preoccupied with other people and was relieved to see they were distracted on the other side of the room. She was spared that particular humiliation at least. For now.  
  
Hillary gulped a breath and turned her attention back to the scene in front of her, sizing up the woman now standing far too close for comfort to her boyfriend, arms draped shamelessly across his shoulders. Platinum blonde hair. Check. Tall and skinny. Check and check. A glossy painted lipstick smile, fluttering false eyelashes and heavily rouged cheeks. Triple check. Nothing new there then.  
  
It had only been two years and yet Hillary had already found herself in this situation more times than she cared to remember, to the point where she could virtually list to order the characteristics of the various women she would inevitably catch on the wrong end of her boyfriend’s attention. Attention he had repeatedly assured her was unreturned, that he was just being friendly. Yet the charismatic smile on his face and endless streams of flirty banter would always tell quite the different story.  
  
_“It was just a smile,”_ he would tell her, _“it didn’t mean anything.” “It was just a touch - it didn’t mean anything” “just a mistake - it didn’t mean anything.”_  
  
Each time it seemed to go further and further and each time she wondered more and more which one of them he was really trying to convince; him or her?  
  
She tried to shake herself out of her head, downing her glass of champagne just a little too quickly before marching over to him. _It’s just his way_ she would tell herself _he’s just overly friendly._ Excuses he had given her time and time again and she still wasn’t quite sure whether she believed him because it was the truth, or because she so desperately needed it to be the truth.  
  
As she approached them she pasted a smile on her face, one that he would instantly see through. She cleared her throat and made her presence known and he lifted his eyes to meet hers. She scanned them for any trace of guilt but he didn’t flinch, didn’t spring away or act like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been. _Maybe she was just overreacting. After_ _all, he wouldn’t cheat would he? He wouldn’t do that to her._ He loved her, that much she knew. What she didn’t yet know was whether or not him loving her and him not cheating on her were necessarily mutually exclusive.  
  
“Hey baby!” His face lit up when he saw her, a look that she could never help returning right back to him. _That smile,_ so warm, so full of love, always sending instant guilt wracking through her that she had ever doubted him, his earnest expression and twinkling eyes melting away all her worries. Until the next time at least.  
  
“God you look absolutely knockout gorgeous Hill!”  
  
She blushed as he slipped his arms around her. Flattery. The tender kiss on top of the band-aid. Damage control. Which didn’t make his sentiment any less true, nor it didn’t mean the effect it had on her was any less real.  
  
He tenderly kissed her lips before turning both of their attention back to the woman Hillary had almost entirely forgotten was even standing there. As was the effect he always seemed to have on her.  
  
“Hill, this is Angela. Her dad was interested in talking to me about a job opportunity at his law firm and I was just explaining to her how I’ve already accepted a teaching post back home.”  
  
Hillary breathed a sigh of relief to herself. The usual oh-so-innocent explanation. Most likely true. Hopefully true.  
  
The two women shook hands and exchanged polite smiles, neither all too thrilled at the presence of the other. An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment before Angela suddenly turned on her towering high heels and pouted her lips at Bill.  
  
“Billy, I’m gonna go get another drink, you coming?”  
  
Bill shook his head, his eyes not leaving Hillary’s causing her heart to flutter in delight. Angela seemed annoyed that she had lost his attention and flounced off in a huff, flicking her impossibly blonde hair over her shoulder as she went.  
  
“She seemed…nice.” Hillary offered somewhat sarcastically. She exchanged a glance with Bill as they watched her go and they both collapsed into a sudden burst of laughter.  
  
“That’s one way to describe her I guess!”  
  
“How would you describe her then?” Hillary couldn’t help asking, trying to keep the question casual as though she hadn’t just spent the last few minutes mentally torturing herself and plagued with insecurity and self-doubt. He didn’t need to know that.  
  
“Persistent for sure,” Bill laughed, seemingly unaware of the territory they were now stumbling into, “she seemed dead set determined that I go off to New York with her and work for her dad - offered me a flat share and everything! It didn’t half take some convincing her that I already had plans of my own!”  
  
“She probably fancied you.” Hillary hoped it came across as a joke, she hated the thought that she was falling into the role of the paranoid girlfriend, but he didn’t exactly make things easy.  
  
Bill laughed and then caught the intensity of Hillary’s stare, her blue eyes piercing into his.  
  
“Hey you know it’s not like that right?” He took hold of her hand and cupped her cheek, looking deep into her eyes and giving such a look of sincerity that she was helpless to do anything but believe him. “You’re the only one I have eyes for baby, you’re the only one who has my heart.”  
  
He captured her lips again and she allowed him to kiss her a little longer this time, despite their public setting. When they pulled apart the beautiful smile he loved so much was back on her face, satisfied with his reassurance and he in turn was satisfied he’d managed to reaffirm his feelings for her. Inwardly he cursed himself that he wouldn’t ever have to reassure her if he didn’t give her so much reason to doubt him. He interlaced their fingers and rested their foreheads together by way of apology. They were lost in each others gaze for a moment until Bill suddenly glimpsed something from across the room and let out a chuckle.  
  
“Check out Professor Stevens!” He nodded across the room to the drinks table, where their former criminal law lecturer was dancing and likely more than a little drunk. Hillary tilted her head back and laughed her signature big laugh, leaning her head against his shoulder as they watched the questionable dancing ability of this once formidable figure in their lives, piling them with endless assignments and deadlines and reading lists.  
  
“I can’t believe we really finally graduated and we’re really leaving.” Hillary sighed, suddenly wistful. Coming to New Haven had certainly brought its fair share of challenges, relentless hard work and more than a few all-nighters. But it had also brought her not only friends for life but the love of her life, and the reality of leaving all that behind was beginning to sink in.  
  
“On to the next adventure Hilly.” Ever the optimist, he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her fingers, still tightly wrapped around his. “Bigger and better things are always on the horizon, I just know it.”  
  
She smiled up at him but couldn’t help sighing just a little. “I’m going to miss you so much.”  
  
Bill felt his heart sink a little. He knew how much he was going to miss her too, more than he thought he could bear but he didn’t want to think about that now.  
  
“Let’s not think about that tonight baby, tonight’s for celebrating.”  
  
She nodded, but he could tell her thoughts were still weighed down a little. He would soon fix that, as he always did.  
  
“Besides, we’ve got other far, far more serious problems to deal with tonight.”  
  
She raised an eyebrow curiously at his sudden grave expression. “Like…?”  
  
“Like…” he lowered his voice and leaned into her ear with a smirk, “…I’ve got to figure out how to get you out of that dress when we get home.”  
  
His Arkansas drawl made her slightly weak at the knees and Hillary felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she bit her lip, a combination of a giggle and a moan escaping her lips.  
  
“Well now that is one problem that I am absolutely certain you’re up to the challenge of, William.”  
  
They grinned at each other for a moment, eyes raking up down the other's body until they were suddenly interrupted by a very deliberate cough behind them. The couple turned around to see Bill’s childhood friend from Arkansas, Peter, standing there, who had traveled with the Clinton family to celebrate the graduation of his best friend.  
  
“Sorry to ruin the moment,” he smirked, knowing full well the unfortunate timing of his entrance, “Hillary, your mother’s looking for you. She said something about you wanting to introduce her to one of your tutors?”  
  
“Oh yes!” Hillary remembered, springing into action. “I’ll be right back - it’s good to see you again Peter!” She smiled placing a quick kiss on Bill’s cheek before darting across the dance floor to locate her mother.  
  
The two of them watched her go with a chuckle. Peter liked Hillary, having met her on several occasions before when he’d visited Bill at Yale. He’d been noticeably impressed with her work ethic, her sharp mind and quick wit. Like most who met her, he knew she had a bright future ahead of her, much like Bill himself. They were a perfect match. In theory. But Peter arguably knew Bill better than anyone. Having grown up together he had been more like a brother than a friend to him, and unbeknown to the two of them he’d see their entire conversation with Angela unfold, he’d seen the all the fear and doubt on Hillary’s face that Bill hadn’t.

He took a swig of his beer and wondered briefly if the two of them even realized the path their relationship was slowly in danger of crashing along.  
  
“You’ll ruin that girl's life you know.” Peter finally commented, so casually yet so seriously that it caught Bill off guard a little.  
  
He frowned, about to question what exactly he meant by that but before he could get his words out Peter’s girlfriend suddenly came bounding up to them and swept him away to dance with her, leaving Bill to ponder his curious statement alone.

 

>   _Even in the wisest of hearts and minds, the deepest love and common sense never did walk hand in hand._


	2. Lake Ennerdale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments and response to the first chapter! Things will start to go a little downhill now before they eventually get better...

Bill soon pushed Peter’s words of warning out of his mind and focused instead on his long awaited summer plans with Hillary. To celebrate their graduation and mark this new stage of their lives they were about to embark on, Bill was taking Hillary on her first trip to Europe to do some sightseeing. Both were steadfast determined to spend as much quality time together during the summer months as they possibly could, before their looming separation in the fall when their respective new jobs would force them to live in separate states for the first time since they started dating. Unbeknown to Hillary, Bill also had another secret plan in mind when arranging the trip. He just had to wait for the perfect moment to reveal it to her.  
  
From the moment they landed in London Bill had thoroughly enjoyed getting out his large A- Z map and playing tour guide, putting on his best worst attempt at a British accent and remarking to Hillary all kinds of historical facts he’d memorized about each place they visited. Hillary found this both fascinating, as she loved to learn and soak up new places and their histories, and equally hilarious, as Bill’s accent slipped all over the place and people began to give them funny looks the more enthusiastically he threw himself into his unofficial role.  
  
They visited Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge and Buckingham Palace before leaving the city and venturing into the countryside. They picnicked on the rolling green hills of Wales, spending a night at a tiny rural cottage on a farm before traveling further north to York, then Durham, and eventually to the Lake District; the place Bill was looking forward to seeing the most.  
  
As soon as they arrived they dumped their bags at the hotel they were booked into before Bill immediately dragged a rather tired but eager Hillary up the top of a rocky slope, where his thorough research had informed him they would be met with the most breathtaking view. An element of his meticulous planning that had without a doubt paid off immensely as they witnessed the sight for themselves.  
  
“Oh Bill, it’s beautiful!” Hillary gasped when they finally reached the top and looked out across the countryside stretched out before them. The slopes of the mountains and brilliant green hills reflected in the shining blue of the still waters, and the summer’s sun still high in the sky shone brightly across the lake giving the illusion of scattered crystals across the water. Bill found himself alternating between staring at the view and staring at Hillary’s awestruck reaction, her sparkling eyes so alive with wonder as she took everything in, the wind blowing through the thick curls of her hair as it cascaded around her shoulders. _Breathtaking indeed,_ Bill thought to himself.  
  
“I love how peaceful it is.” He commented after a moment and Hillary turned to look at him, knowing he was thinking about the dysfunctional nature of his family life that he would soon be returning to. He wouldn’t be living at the family home anymore of course, but Hillary knew he was still nervous about being so close to everyone again, the temptation of being sucked right back into that environment that had such a negative effect on him growing up.  
  
“Me too.” Hillary squeezed his hand in understanding and he met her gaze gratefully. “Thank you for bringing me here Bill.”  
  
He tucked a strand of hair that the wind had blown out of place behind her ear and smiled at her. “The pleasure is all mine Hilly.”  
  
Bill left his hand lingering gently against her cheek for a moment before tilting her chin up towards him bringing their lips together and closing the space between them.    
  
Once they pulled apart Bill wrapped a protective arm around Hillary’s shoulder and she rested her head against him as they gazed out at the view in a comfortable silence, but Hillary could tell he was still tense. She glanced up at him, _she’d have to do something about that._ Hillary looked across the beautiful waters and a sudden idea flashed into her mind along with a playful smirk across her lips.  
  
“Wanna go for a swim?”  
  
Bill chuckled at her expression but couldn’t hide his own smile. “Tut tut Hillary Rodham, any excuse to get me to strip!”  
  
“Oh believe me I don’t need an excuse to get you to strip.” She winked at him before tearing back down the hillside with a squeal of as he chased after. When he finally caught up to her at the bottom of the slope he scooped her up in his arms and spun her around until they both collapsed onto the grass in a heap of giggles.  
  
“Come on then,” Bill pulled Hillary up off the ground and started unbuttoning his shirt. “You wanted a swim! Or are you afraid someone might see?”  
  
She raised an eyebrow at him with a grin, correctly reading his train of thought. “Don’t get too excited William, I planned ahead!”  
  
She wriggled out of her plaid shirt-dress to reveal that she was already wearing her bathing suit underneath. Bill didn’t quite manage to hide his disappointment and Hillary tilted her head back with another laugh.  
  
“Come on then,” she teased, throwing his own enthusiastic words of coaxing back at him and padding across the grass to the water, “I’ll race you in!”

_____________________________  


  
The young couple swam blissfully together as the sun set over the Lake District until the warm summer’s air turned to a chilly twilight. They emerged from the water shivering slightly and Hillary was grateful when Bill wrapped his large sweater around her shoulders. It was much too big for her petite frame and as she slipped it over her head the hemline finished almost at her knees, which only made it all the more comforting.  
  
Bill dried himself off and put his shirt back on, his heart racing with not only the biting cold, but the anticipation of what he was going to do next.  
  
“We should get back to the hotel Bill, it’s getting late.”  
  
“Wait-“ Bill took hold of Hillary’s hand as she turned and brought her back around to face him. “There’s um, there’s something I wanted to ask you first.”  
  
Hillary frowned in curiosity as him, he was usually so at ease with his words and charisma and she was unaccustomed to this unexpected display of shyness. She quickly learned the reason behind it though, and she let out a soft gasp as Bill knelt down on one knee, held onto her hand and looked earnestly into her eyes.  
  
“Now, I don’t have a ring because…well because we’re broke graduates with no income who haven’t started their jobs yet, but as soon as I get my first paycheck I promise I will get you the most beautiful ring you could ever imagine because you are the most beautiful, kind hearted, funniest and most remarkable intelligent girl that I could ever imagine. I love you with all my heart and more and I can’t think of a single way I’d rather spend the rest of my life than with you by my side. So Hillary…will you marry me?”  
  
Hillary was stunned, and momentarily speechless as her usually quick brain raced to find something to say. She was so desperately in love with him and her heart yearned to say ‘yes’ in an instant but her head held her back, still so confused about her life and her future and the crossroads they were both currently at and what marriage would mean for that.  
  
“Oh Bill- I- I can’t…not now.”  
  
Bill’s posture stiffened, the hopeful expression on his face replaced with a look of unexpected hurt. “Oh.”  
  
A horrible silence followed, seemingly dragging on for hours although in reality, it lasted barely less than a minute.  
  
“I see.” Bill’s voice was cold and detached now, a defense mechanism Hillary instantly recognized as hiding how upset he truly felt. “I’m sorry, I thought you were serious about us and our future together. I must have misread things between us.”  
  
“Wait Bill that’s not what I meant-“ Hillary stammered frantically as Bill collected up his belongings and started to leave.  
  
“It’s fine, you don’t need to explain yourself to me Hillary, I get the message.”  
  
With that he stormed off back to the hotel, leaving Hillary standing alone on the shores of Lake Ennerdale helplessly watching him go as tears streamed down her face.  
  
_Way to go Hillary Rodham,_ she thought to herself angrily, _you couldn’t have phrased that less artfully if you tried._

  
_____________________________  


 Once Bill made it back to the hotel he headed straight to the bar to drown his sorrows. Hillary ran after him, but by the time she had gathered up her things and properly redressed herself she was too late to catch up and couldn’t find him anywhere. She resigned herself to their room and curled up against her pillow with nothing more she could do than wait for him to come back and hope desperately that she hadn’t just lost the only man she had ever loved. _Of course he’ll come back_ she told herself between sobs _he wouldn’t leave you like this, he wouldn’t. He’s just upset but he loves you and he’ll come back. He’ll always come back to you._  
  
And he always would. Eventually.  
  
While Hillary sobbed upstairs Bill sat at the bar downing one tumbler of whiskey and then another. By the time he asked for his third the girl working behind the bar was eyeing him up and down with keen interest.  
  
“Rough night?” She flashed him a flirtatious smile as she poured his drink.  
  
“You could say that.” Bill replied flatly, not meeting her gaze. His mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of Hillary.  
  
“Hey are you American?” She asked, upon hearing his husky southern accent, “I just _love_ American accents!”  
  
Bill looked up at her for the first time and managed to smile. She seemed nice enough. Pretty red hair that looked as though it had been dyed, equally red lips, and an amazing figure she clearly didn’t mind showing off, judging by the skin tight black dress she was wearing.  
  
“Yeah,” he grinned, reveling in any excuse to talk about his beloved home state, “I’m from Arkansas. I’m here for the summer with- well… I’m here for the summer anyway.”  
  
His hesitation didn’t go unnoticed by the girl and she placed her hand over his, leaning forward and exposing her cleavage in the process.  
  
“Wanna talk about it?”  
  
“Not really.” Bill scoffed, his gaze now successfully distracted.  
  
“Fair enough,” she smiled, staring into his blue eyes for a moment. “So tell me, what’s Arkansas like then? I’ve never been to the states before.”  
  
Bill chuckled at the way she pronounced Arkansas in her English accent. “It’s hot, in the summer.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Oh yeah. I love it there though, there’s no place like it. And I don’t mind the heat.”  
  
“Mm I bet you don’t.”  
  
“You seem like you wouldn’t mind it either.”  
  
She licked her lips, returning his charismatic smile, “I think I’d love it.”  
  
The tension hung between them for a moment and then she glanced at the clock on the wall.  
  
“You know, I get my break in five minutes. If you want I can sneak you into the staff room with me? There won’t be anyone else in there at this time of night it’s very…private.” She flashed him a suggestive look, and before his alcohol hazed brain had a chance to catch up with his pants he found himself swept into the back room with his lips pressed firmly against the girl’s luscious red ones. Their hands quickly roamed all over each other’s bodies as she pulled him back against the wall with her and they made out for a few minutes. Then her hand started wandering down towards his belt buckle, palming the visible bulge beneath his pants and he fought a groan that threatened to escape his throat and suddenly snapped back to reality. _Fuck._  
  
“Don’t,” Bill pulled away breathlessly and the girl pouted at him with a frown.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Sorry I- this was a mistake. I can’t.”  
  
He quickly straightened himself out, wiping her lipstick from his mouth and cursing himself as he fled the room and headed back upstairs to find Hillary. _Shit shit shit._

_____________________________ 

Their room was in darkness when Bill let himself in with the keycard, and he could only just about make out Hillary’s tiny form curled up on the bed. From the way her shoulders were shaking he could tell she was crying and his heart fell deep inside his chest. He approached the bed tentatively and sat down, placing a steady hand on her shoulder in an effort to soothe her sobs.  
  
“Hilly?”  
  
Her cries subsided and she shifted upright to look at him, her eyes slightly red and puffy and her hair all tangled and still damp from their swim. He noticed she was still wearing his jumper as she dried her eyes with the long oversized sleeves.  
  
“Bill I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean my answer to come out that way I just-“  
  
“No I’m sorry baby, I shouldn’t have overreacted like that. I guess I just wasn’t expecting the moment to turn out that way…but you know that’s one of the things I love about you Hillary, you’re never predictable. Life wouldn’t be nearly so interesting if you were. And I never should have said what I did and stormed off like that, can you forgive me my love?”  
  
She looked into his kind eyes and felt an enormous relief wash over her. “Of course I forgive you. And I am sorry it wasn’t exactly the romantic moment you must have pictured. I didn’t mean to say no like that I just need time. To work out where my life is heading because when I do get married and start a family someday I want it to be for life, I want it to be the right time and most importantly, I want it to be with you.”  
  
His heart fluttered at her mention of starting a family, something he had always longed for and he placed a soft kiss against her lips. “You can have all the time you need in the world baby, I’ll be here, waiting for you as long as it takes.” He wrapped her up in his arms and Hillary snuggled into his embrace. For just a split second the lingering hint of another woman’s perfume hit her senses and she felt her heart a go a little cold. She looked up at him and tried hard to read his expression but his eyes were still closed as he held her and stroked a hand lovingly through her hair. _He wouldn’t, would he?_  
  
“I love you Hillary.” He murmured softly into her ear, and she could feel the warmth and truth radiating from his words and elected to ignore the nagging instincts in her head. He wouldn’t, she firmly decided.  
  
If ignorance is bliss, then doubt, she would soon learn, is hell.  
  
It wasn’t long before she had drifted off to sleep in his arms, all the travel and emotion finally taking its toll on her. Bill carefully removed her glasses and set them aside, wrapping the duvet over her and watching the rise and fall of her chest as she slept so peacefully and he felt the usual pangs of guilt consume him. _God, why do I do this to her? I love her more than anything and anyone in this world and I still can’t seem to stop myself, what the fuck is wrong with me? I swear this has to stop. No more empty temptations, never again._  
  
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.


	3. Long Distance

**November 1973, Massachusetts**  
  
Hillary arrived back at her living quarters, kicked off her shoes and threw down her keys with a tired sigh of relief. It had now been three months since she had moved away from Bill to work for the Children’s Defense Fund and rented the top floor of this old house to live alone for the first time, but she never could quite get used to the sound of silence as she walked through the front door. The lack of Bill’s shoes lying haphazardly strewn across the hallway for her to trip over and the absent sound of his voice welcoming her home and asking about her day left an unmistakable void in her life, one that despite the fulfillment of her work, she was struggling to ignore.  
  
Hillary crossed the landing to her small desk and dumped the files she was carrying ready to read through later. She switched the radio on purely to fill the unnerving quiet with some background noise and fixed herself a bowl of cereal. She knew she should really be eating better than she was, and she had definitely lost perhaps a little too much weight since living alone. But she found the prospect of cooking decidedly more tedious when Bill wasn’t around to share in the experience and give a running commentary as though they were guests on a daytime tv cooking show.  
  
And so she sat at her desk as she did most nights, swirling her cereal around her bowl with her spoon and immersing herself in the reason she was there in the first place; her work. She had spent another long day going from door to door to the homes where children were registered as living there but not attending schools, which had led her to the discovery that the reason behind it was mostly down to disabilities, a reality that broke Hillary’s heart and spurred her on as she wrote up her findings at the end of each day with a furious passion committed to making real change for these kids.  
  
Just as she was reaching the end of writing up her third case study of the evening, a shrill ringing sound pierced through the empty apartment that caused her heart to skip a beat.

The telephone.

She threw down her pen and skipped across the room to pick up the receiver, desperately hoping the person on the other end was who she thought it would be.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey Hilly! How’s my girl doing?” Bill’s familiar husky Arkansas accent came flooding down the line and Hillary's face spread into a hopelessly besotted smile upon hearing his voice when they were so far apart.  
  
“Missing you.”  
  
“I'm missing you too darlin’, so much. I hate waking up without you next to me.”  
  
Hillary didn’t quite manage to stop herself silently wondering if he had woken up next to anyone else since she’d been gone, but she quickly pushed that thought firmly out of her head. _For gods sake you can’t keep thinking like that Hillary, you’ll drive yourself to the brink of insanity._  
  
“How’s work going?” His question interrupted the silent battle raging through her mind, bringing her back down to earth.  
  
“It’s great!” Bill heard her voice light up as she started talking him through all her investigations and everything she had discovered and he smiled. He loved how passionate she was about her work and how much she really cared about helping change people's lives. Everything she touched she always made better.  
  
“I’m so proud of you Hilly.” He told her when she finished telling her stories and she felt her heart swell at the warmth in his voice.  
  
“And what about you? How’s teaching going _Professor_ Clinton?”  
  
He groaned at her tone and she giggled and bit her lip.  
  
“Oh it’s going good! Mind you, I’ve got a ton of papers to grade, but they’re really smart kids and I’m enjoying it. It’s so great to be back home but it’s just not the same being without you.” He heard her let out a sigh before he continued, “God, I miss you so much Hillary. I miss seeing you first thing in the mornings with your messy hair, wearing my shirts as a nightgown. I miss hearing your laugh and your ever-critical commentary whenever we watch trashy tv together. I miss the intoxicating smell of your perfume and I miss talking to you every day and kissing you and being inside you-“  
  
“Bill!” Hillary blushed but couldn’t stop herself smiling. He always did know how to sweep her right up in his charm.  
  
“Well it’s true! I can’t wait to see you again honey I’ve even started a countdown on my calendar to mark how many days are left until you finally come visit over New Year.”  
  
Hillary’s heart fluttered. “How many days are there?”  
  
“37. I’ve got it memorized.”  
  
“37…” She repeated with a sigh. It seemed like forever stretched out before them.  
  
“And it’s been 104 days since I last saw you and kissed you goodbye at the airport. I’ve been keeping note of that too.”  
  
“God, the longest we’ve ever been apart.” _The longest we’ve ever gone without sex_ her brain unhelpfully chipped in. She determinedly tried to push the door closed on those thoughts but she couldn’t help wondering, _is he really waiting for me?_ 104 days suddenly seemed even more of an awfully long time and she suddenly felt an additional urgency to get back to him and feel the security of being in his arms once again. To remind herself that she was really his and he was really hers.  
  
“I can’t wait to see you again Bill I don’t know how much longer I can stand this separation, I need to be with you.”  
  
“I know baby I know, me too. God it’s all I’ve been thinking about. I’ve even started setting up the spare room already for you when you get here.”  
  
“The spare room?” Hillary frowned a little curiously.  
  
“Yeah. Sorry, mother insisted upon it since we’re going to be staying with her for the holidays. But don’t worry, she’s a very heavy sleeper and there’s a lock on the door.”  
  
She grinned at the implication and promise of his words and subconsciously licked her lips.  
  
“37 days.” She breathed softly, gazing at her own calendar hanging on the wall alongside cherished Polaroid photographs of her and Bill on their summer holiday, dancing together at parties at Yale and curled up close on the couch in their old New Haven apartment.  
  
“37 days baby.”  
  
They continued talking late into the night until they could fight their body’s need for sleep no longer. Between them they had racked up an alarmingly expensive telephone bill over the past three months but neither really cared. Those telephone conversations were the only real contact they had and although they exchanged letters, the chance to hear each other's voices was the lifeline that got them through the lengthy months and weeks of being apart, and they wouldn’t have given that up for all the money in the world.  
  
Upon hanging up the phone that evening however, Hillary couldn’t help noticing the repeating pattern of their calls that although she was always keen to share all the details of her daily life and work with Bill and he always seemed eager to listen to her, he never seemed to divulge much information of his own in return about what he was getting up to. In fact, besides the odd generic answer here and there he seemed very reluctant to talk about what was going on in his life back in Arkansas at all. Leaving all too much room for Hillary to fill in the blanks for herself and worry there was something he was hiding.  
  
It’s always the not knowing that eats away at you in the end.

  
_____________________________

  
Despite his best efforts to conceal it, Bill actually wasn't enjoying himself back home as much as he was trying to lead Hillary to believe. He didn’t want her to think he was unhappy and so he had taken to answering as vaguely as he could when she questioned him to avoid suspicion. But the truth of the matter was being back around his mother all the time was really taking its toll on him. Virginia was unapologetically vocal in expressing her disapproval of her son’s choice of girlfriend in Hillary, criticizing her strange Yankee ideas and her lack of attention to her physical appearance at any and every given opportunity. Despite Bill’s constant protests that he loved Hillary and wanted to be with her, his mother was convinced that she knew best and had begun relentlessly trying to set him up with, in her eyes, far more suitable women for him to marry.  
  
He had turned down her offers again and again until finally, she had managed to wear him down enough that in a flash of weakness Bill eventually agreed to go out on a few dates with the carefully selected women. Just to appease his mother, he told himself. But still he hated himself for it, and he hated himself for it even more when one particular morning, he'd woken up lying next to one of them.  
  
He had blinked in horror at the white-blonde hair splayed out on the pillow beside him and sat bolt upright in dismay as he looked at her. Plump lips and a slim figure with smooth long legs, there was no denying she was a beauty queen. _But she’s not Hillary._  
  
_Hillary_  
  
The thought alone of Hillary sent Bill's heart plummeting deep inside his chest in shame. Her sweet smile and her endearing overbite. Her beautiful eyes, always flickering alive with so much thought and love behind her thick glasses. Her gentle voice whispering sweetly against his ear and her slightly too loud laugh ringing boldly out in response to his bad jokes. Her delicate fingers holding tightly to his hand and her soft lips against his. Bill clutched the bedsheets in his fists in anger at his mother for leading him away from the girl he loved into another woman’s bed but deep down, he knew he had no one to blame but himself.  
  
The blonde bombshell beside him suddenly started to stir awake at his actions and she fluttered her eyelashes open and gazed up at him.  
  
“Mornin’ handsome.”  
  
“Oh, erm…hey.”  
  
They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before Bill spoke again.  
  
“Sorry is it okay if I use your shower? It’s just I’m late for work and I don’t have time to go home first.”  
  
“Sure.” She nodded to a door at the end of the bedroom that led to her ensuite bathroom, “want me to join you?”  
  
“No- I um, well I need to be quick so…” his voice trailed off and he grabbed his shirt and pants off the floor and headed towards the bathroom before hesitating. “Did we…? I mean…last night? It’s all a bit of a blur to be honest.”  
  
The woman stared at him for a moment before shaking her head. “No. I mean I was pretty sure we were gonna. We made out for a pretty long time but by the time we got each other undressed you had crashed out. I guess triple vodka shots weren’t such a good idea after all huh!” She giggled, and Bill felt sick as a mixture of disgust with himself that he had been ready to cheat on Hillary and relief that he hadn’t completely gone through with it washed over him all at the same time. He didn’t say anything else to the girl and proceeded to run himself the hottest possible shower to try and burn away every last trace of her from his skin, telling himself over and over that he would be stronger next time, that he wouldn’t give in. _Never again, I fucking swear this time it really is never again._  
  
_‘Sure’_ another voice in the back of his head piped up _‘you just keep on telling yourself that.’_

  
_____________________________

To reaffirm his love and perhaps ease his guilt, Bill arranged for a bouquet of flowers to be sent to Hillary from a florist in Massachusetts the very next day. Another band-aid, hastily covering over the unintended damage. Always unintended. Always wondering whether or not that fact really made a difference.  
  
Hillary had gasped in delight when the flowers arrived and she placed them neatly in a vase of water on her desk to gaze at and breathe in their sweet scent every day while she worked. A few days later she selected one single pink rose from the bunch and kept it pressed between the pages of her favorite book to ensure it lasted long beyond when the rest would inevitably wilt away. An ever-enduring reminder; _he loves you._

 

 

> _But over the weeks and months that age-old question would keep on coming back to her, if it had ever really even gone away in the first place._  
>    
>  _Was love enough?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be a little less heavy to take a break from all the angst!


	4. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much needed interlude from all the angst..

“Bill!” Hillary called out in delight when she finally saw his face through the bustling crowds of people at the arrivals gate of Drake Field  
Fayetteville Executive Airport. His face beamed in a wide grin as he caught sight of her and raced to scoop her up into his embrace before passionately capturing her lips, both disregarding their need for oxygen in favor of making up for almost 150 days of missed kisses.  
  
Once they finally pulled apart and gasped for breath they interlaced their fingers and leaned their foreheads against each other, completely forgetting about the chaotic rush of the airport surrounding them and utterly lost in each other.  
  
“I love you.” Bill spoke the words almost like an apology, an intonation that never went undetected by Hillary as she looked back up at him.  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
“I’m so glad you’re here.” He brushed a hand tenderly through her tangled dark blonde curls and she smiled blissfully at his touch.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Bill piled Hillary’s luggage into his car and they sped off along the road to Bill’s family home, laughing and talking and catching up on every single detail they had missed since being apart. Bill excitedly told Hillary more about his plans to run for congress and she felt positively bursting with pride for him. They were soon discussing his campaign strategy together with keen interest, both completely lit up inside at being back in each other’s company after so long and realizing all over again just how fully alive they made each other feel.  
  
As they approached the driveway of the Clinton residence however, Hillary’s high spirited chatter died down a little as her stomach tied up in knots and Bill glanced over her in concern, guessing the reason for her apprehension. Although Hillary knew Bill’s family well by now and got along with his brothers and most of his relatives wonderfully, this would be the first time she would be staying in their home and Hillary was feeling increasingly nervous at the prospect of spending so much time around Bill’s mother Virginia, who had done nothing to hide her blatant disapproval of her son’s choice of girlfriend and had remained uncomfortably frosty towards Hillary in all of their interactions so far.  
  
Hillary squeezed Bill’s hand for support as they got out of the car and he wrapped his arm around her as they approached the door, hoping to display a clear image to his mother once and for all that this was the girl he wanted to be with. That this was the way it was going to be; it was him and Hillary. And it was always going to be him and Hillary.  
  
“Billy!” Virginia flung open the front door and greeted her son with big hug, consequently pulling his embrace away from Hillary. “Come on in quickly it’s freezing out here!”  
  
They bundled inside the hallway and shut the door behind them before Virginia finally acknowledged Hillary’s presence.  
  
“Hillary.” She stated rather bluntly, as though she had only just noticed her standing there. “Nice to see you again dear. I hope you’ll enjoy spending New Year with us.”  
  
“Well thank you very much for having me, I’m sure that I will.” Hillary smiled warmly but the gesture wasn’t returned.  
  
“Has Billy explained to you about the sleeping arrangements?” Virginia turned on her high heels and strutted into the kitchen, indicating for them to follow. Bill rolled his eyes once his mother’s back was turned, partly to make Hillary laugh and ease the awkwardness, and partly in response to her incredible lack of subtlety in expressing her desire to keep the couple apart.  
  
“Oh yes he has thank you. Wow that sure smells good!” She sniffed the air as they entered the kitchen and Virginia lifted the lid of the saucepan on the stove, sending the inviting aroma of beef stew drifting throughout the room.  
  
“It’s your favorite Billy!” Virginia turned towards Bill with a smile, leaving Hillary’s attempts at pleasantries largely unacknowledged.  
  
Bill licked his lips appreciatively and peered into the pot. “Looks amazing mom, thanks! That should definitely warm us up again!” He slipped his arm around Hillary pulling her closer, determined to keep her involved despite his mother’s best efforts to pretend she wasn’t there.  
  
“I’m gonna go show Hillary to the spare room now, she had a pretty long journey in from Chicago what with the weather and everything.”  
  
Virginia only nodded, managing to give Hillary a small smile out of politeness before Bill whisked her away upstairs, dragging her suitcase along with them as they went.

  
_____________________________

  
“She hates me!” Hillary declared, removing her glasses and collapsing back on the single bed with a dramatic exasperated sigh as she rubbed her eyes wearily.    
  
“Baby she doesn’t hate you, she just…doesn’t know quite what to make of you yet. But she will Hilly, I’m sure of it. In time she’ll see everything that I fell in love with. She just wants me to be happy and she’ll soon realize that my happiness and Hillary Diane Rodham are one and the same.”  
  
“I hope you’re right.” Hillary despaired, throwing her head back against the bedsheets causing her thick curly hair to spread out in multiple different directions and Bill bit back a smile as he sat down on the bed next to her.  
  
“Well that’s a good thing then,” he began, an earnest expression painted on his face before breaking into a grin, “because I usually am!”  
  
Hillary’s frown broke into a smile and she rolled her eyes with a chuckle. “I see teaching is doing wonders for your ego William.” She smirked, reaching for the pillow to swat at him but before she could grab it Bill took advantage of her outstretched arm and started tickling her exposed side, eliciting a high pitched squeal.  
  
“Bill!” She tried to her best to wriggle away as his strong fingers danced over her sensitive skin, his feather light touches causing her to writhe and squirm as he caught her where she was most ticklish. They both rolled across the bed in a fit of giggles until Hillary finally managed to escape his grasp and clamber on top of him, pinning his hands firmly away from of her.  
  
“Ha!” She smirked triumphantly. “I win!”  
  
Bill stared up at her, her blue eyes shining with laughter and her pink cheeks flushed as she caught her breath back.  
  
_God, how he loved her._  
  
“Hmm… well we’ll see about that, Miss Rodham.” He lowered his voice and grinned back at her before leaning up and finally crashing their lips together. She moaned against the kiss in satisfaction as his tongue fought for entrance into her mouth, needing to explore every inch of her again. Hillary ran her fingers through his dark hair, bringing him up even closer towards her and Bill found his hands caressing down her back as they pressed against each other, desire coursing through their bodies like blazing fire. The temperature was rapidly rising around them and Hillary soon felt the evidence of Bill’s arousal through his jeans, digging hard against the soft flesh of her thigh. A wicked smile crept across her lips and she reached down between them and gave him a light squeeze, applying just the right amount of pressure to draw a deep groan from the back of his throat. A sound that never failed to send a thrill shooting through her.  
  
“Fuck- _Hillary_ , god I need you so badly baby it’s been way too long.”  
  
She whimpered at the raw need in his voice, heat flooding to her center and she reached for his belt buckle before hesitating and glancing back towards the door. Bill read her concerns and ran his fingers through her curls, pulling her attention back to him. “Don’t worry darlin,” he panted before flashing her a knowing grin, “I made sure to turn the radio volume _way_ up before we came upstairs.”  
  
She returned his smile, reassured that they weren’t going to be overheard and made quick work of ridding him of his jeans and shirt before sliding down his boxers. She wet her lips unconsciously before gripping him between her soft delicate hands, the smooth skin of her palm dragging tantalizingly slowly up and down his length.  
  
“Have you missed me touching you Billy?” She whispered into his ear, her voice dripping like honey and her eyes shining and consumed with lust and love. “Tell me, how many times have you got yourself off wishing it were my hands, my lips wrapped around you?” His face flushed red and she smiled.  
  
“Too many fucking times baby.” He grunted back, “I swear it’s been like a second phase of teenage years.”

She giggled and her eyes sparkled wonderfully, feeling like a teenager again herself. There had been so many drawbacks to them living several thousand miles apart but this had undoubtedly been one of the worst, missing that physical connection they had found in each other, the feeling of heaven and home all at once. Hillary brought her lips up to kiss him, long languid and slow, imprinting the taste of him back into her memory as her hand continued its ministrations until Bill could take it no longer.  
  
“Baby,” he reached down between them and stilled her motions and she pouted in protest, “this is going to be over very quickly if you keep that up and let me tell you, I am nowhere near finished with you yet.”  
  
He quickly flipped them over so that she was now the one on her back, and she let out a stream of giggles which soon turned to soft moans as he lifted her navy sweater over her head and started placing open mouthed kisses along her neckline and newly exposed chest, moving down towards her flat stomach while he slid her skirt down her legs. She gasped and squirmed underneath him when his kisses reached the waistband of her underwear, pretty purple lace darkly drenched and just waiting for him to rip away.  
  
“So fucking wet.” He hummed in approval and inhaled the sweet scent of her. God he’d missed that.       
  
“All for you Billy.” She smiled, drawing his gaze back to lock with hers for a moment before he dipped down again and pressed a grazing kiss against the front of the lacy fabric, tasting just a hint of her through the final soaked barrier between her bare skin and his.  
  
“Please-“ Hillary gasped breathlessly as she threw her head back and he grinned.  
  
“Please what, pretty baby?”  
  
“Please please just touch me Bill,”  
  
_God she was utterly perfect when she begged,_ Bill thought to himself. All flushed the prettiest pink, eyes fluttering closed then open as she bit the plumpest part of her lower lip, her usual clear thinking abilities pushed aside and replaced with burning and desperate desire just for him. Only for him.  
  
_“Please-“_  
  
He finally obliged, dragging a long slender finger along the wettest part of her underwear before cupping her with his whole hand, pressing the firmness of his palm against her clit and drawing out a string of delicious expletives from her as he rubbed her in strong deliberate circles.     
  
“Mmhmm ohhh god Bill,” Her whimpering moans were sweet torture shooting straight to his already throbbing cock, and it wasn’t long before he lost his resolve and couldn’t fight the desperate need to be inside her for a second longer. He withdrew his hand and Hillary sighed in frustration at the loss of contact.  
  
“I need you Hillary baby.” His voice was raw and urgent and hit every single nerve in her body hard. She loved it when he used her name so deliberately. Hillary opened her eyes and they met with his, the most brilliant blue swimming with months worth of pent up desire pouring directly into her. Her breath hitched in her throat and she gave him a little nod as he tugged down her underwear, the last remaining garment separating them and he positioned himself at her entrance before pressing inside of her in one fluid movement.  
  
Her body pulled him in, enveloping his length into the soft wet silk of her heat wrapping tightly around him and they both groaned at the sensation, feeling the connection they had longed for after so long. Bill fought to restrain himself and gave her a moment to adjust before he started moving inside her, slow and steady in an effort to try and make things last as long as possible. And god how he wanted this to last.  
  
Hillary threw her head back as he pushed into her, relishing in the feeling of being so perfectly filled and whole as they reconnected and she never wanted it to end. She raked her fingers through the thick of his hair before resting her hands on the back of his neck as she wrapped her legs around his back, still desperate to have him closer, deeper.  
  
“Fuck Hill you feel so fucking amazing baby, so fucking good.” The words spilled from his lips as he thrust inside her harder, her hips now rolling up to meet his grinding and rubbing against her clit as the pleasure built up from the pit of her stomach like the tightest coil inside her slowly unfurling. She wanted to cry out but the lingering danger of being overheard downstairs prevented her from doing so. Instead she buried her head into Bill’s shoulder, muffling her sobbing moans of sheer ecstasy as she neared closer and closer to the edge.     
  
“Oh god ohh god Bill I’m so close I can’t-“  
  
“Let go baby, let me feel you come for me.”  
  
His voice trembled as he was desperately holding back his own release, waiting for her to come with him and as her walls finally tightened and clenched around him he finally spilled deep inside of her with a heavy groan hot against her ear. She arched up and writhed beneath him as she felt it and the slickness of her release mingled with his.  
  
Not wanting to sever their connection yet, Bill stayed inside of her while they both panted and gasped for their breath back as their bodies settled down from their high. Once his heart stopped pounding inside his chest and returned to something vaguely resembling its normal rate, Bill reached tenderly down to Hillary’s face and gently brushed a loose strand hair away and tucked it loosely behind her ear. Her skin was still flushed and hot to the touch and when she finally opened her eyes he was momentarily stunned by the pureness of complete and absolute love gazing back at him. He was sure he had never witnessed anything so perfect in all his life.  
  
“God, you’re amazing. That was incredible I love you so much Hilly.”  
  
“I love you too Billy. More than anything.”  
  
A content and satisfied silence blanketed over them for a moment, and only the faint sound of the radio downstairs could be heard along with the rhythmic pattern of their breathing.  
  
“I wish you never had to leave again.” Bill finally sighed, rolling over onto his back and playing with her hair splayed out beside him. She let out a soft breath and settled against his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat as he wrapped his other arm around her bare shoulders, holding her close.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
And those two words didn’t quite seem to do justice to just how much she meant it.


	5. Love and Logic

The following evening was New Years Eve, and guests soon began to pour in through the doors of the Clinton residence for a celebratory party to ring in the year 1974 with family and friends from the Fayetteville community. Bill spent the afternoon busying himself tidying the house from top to bottom, hanging up a string of colored lanterns to create a bit of atmosphere while Hillary helped Virginia in the kitchen preparing the drinks and appetizers. The two women managed to make relatively amicable conversation over the task, and Hillary liked to hope they had even bonded a little; that she had managed to show Virginia that although she did passionately pursue her own academic interests, she could still balance playing the traditional role of hostess and ardently supportive wife that Virginia had carved out so perfectly set in stone in her plans for her son. Hillary desperately wanted to believe she had shown her that she could be both, but as she chattered on brightly about the man they clearly both adored Virginia still remained convinced that nice as the girl may be, she just didn’t fit the mold, and therefore couldn’t possibly be the right one. After all, mother knows best.  
  
At least that’s what they tell you.  
  
By the time the clock struck 9pm the party was in full swing, and between glasses of champagne and a seemingly endless supply of beer, Bill introduced Hillary to all of his friends and colleagues from the faculty at his teaching job, keeping his arm wrapped proudly around her slim waist in her black and white printed dress as their voices fought against the volume of the music and tried to keep up a conversation.  
  
“So this is the famous Hillary Rodham? Bill’s told us so much about you!”  
  
“Has he now?” Hillary glanced up at Bill with a giggle as she shook hands with the group of young men, “all good things I hope?”  
  
“Oh yes,” the tallest of the group flashed her a grin from behind his square eyeglasses, “he certainly seems to think you’re extremely impressive.”  
  
Hillary blushed with a pleased smile, “well I don’t know about that…”  
  
“Does anyone want another drink?” Bill interjected, swigging back the last drop of beer from his almost empty bottle. He was immediately hit with a chorus of “yes” in response as he tried his best to memorize which drink request each guest had yelled.  
  
“I’ll be right back baby.” He kissed the top of Hillary’s head before gathering up the empty glasses and bottles and heading towards the kitchen.  
  
“So Hillary,” the tallest of the group continued, leading her into a slightly quieter corner of the room, “what do you think of Arkansas so far?”  
  
“Oh it’s wonderful!” Hillary smiled brightly, “everyone’s been so welcoming, Bill drove me on a little tour through Little Rock and Fayetteville yesterday and showed me the gorgeous park and the Farmer’s Market on our way to see the university. And we passed by the Governor’s Mansion too, that really is such a beautiful building.”  
  
“Has he got his sights set on that already!” The man chuckled before taking another sip of his drink. “Well, he’ll get there no doubt. He’s got politics in his blood that one for sure. You should hear the way he debates with the newspaper in the staff-room at lunchtime! Anyone would think he thought it was going to answer back!”  
  
Hillary let out her loud laugh, slightly enhanced by the champagne she was drinking as she fondly remembered the way she used to do the exact same thing with Bill over the morning paper at their breakfast table in New Haven. A pang of sadness suddenly tugged at her heart. She so missed waking up with him, the way they would fire fierce opinions at each other about the day’s news between passionate kisses before they’d even had a chance to change out of their pajamas. The smell of bacon burning on the stove as they would inevitably get carried away, pressed against each other and leaning back onto the kitchen worktop, completely enamored.  
  
“Have you ever thought about teaching too?” The question pulled Hillary out of her thoughts and she looked at him in surprise.  
  
“Oh, I don’t know about that!” She brushed it off casually with a smile but privately a small part of her carefully filed the idea away at the back of her mind, where it would only continue to grow the longer she entertained it.  
  
“I think we could sure do with having someone like you on our staff, from what Bill’s told us it seems like you headed up every single study group back at Yale!”  
  
“Well…not _every_ study group!” Hillary laughed again, then raised an eyebrow as he fished into his jacket pocket and pulled out a card.  
  
“Seriously though, I think you’d be great. If you ever decide you want to give it a go you give me a call okay?” He handed her the card and she eyed it with interest; **‘Dean Davis: Law Faculty, University of Arkansas.’**  
  
“Thank you.” She mumbled in reply, and before she could say anything more he was diverted away by another group of friends who were trying to rope as many people as they could into a drinking game.  
  
Hillary watched from a distance as the game started up across the room but she found her thoughts now considerably distracted by the idea of teaching with Bill. _Could she be a teacher?_ Professor Rodham - it had quite a nice ring to it, she thought. Professor Rodham and Professor Clinton. The thought of being back with Bill again sent her heart fluttering, and she tucked the card into the lining of her dress to give it further consideration later.  
  
Suddenly realizing she was now standing alone in the middle of the party, Hillary decided to go try and find Bill. She headed towards the kitchen where she assumed he had gotten distracted while he fetched the drinks, but she paused in her step as she approached the door and heard the sound of agitated raised voices coming from inside.  
  
“Mother, I really don’t want to talk about this now, can’t we just enjoy the party?”  
  
Hillary recognized Bill’s voice instantly, and it didn’t take long for her to work out who he was arguing with as Virginia’s voice fired back hotly in response.  
  
“She’s not right for you Bill. She’s too ambitious, she’ll trip you up in your political career and try and outshine you before you’ve even started it, mark my words. You need a nice pretty loyal little wife who will dedicate herself to supporting you, not someone who wants to try and compete with you.”  
  
“With all due respect mother, I don't think you really know what I need. Look you’ve meddled enough already, please just let us be. Hillary is the love of my life, she makes me happier than I ever realized it was possible to be and I want to be with her. I need to be with her. I don’t need some little woman standing by me because me and Hillary stand by each other and support and challenge and love each other, and the sooner you accept that the better.”

There was a pause, as Virginia apparently digested this information and then her voice rang back out again in an exasperated response.  
  
“Fine. Go ahead and ruin both of your lives then, because believe me you will. I know the type of girl she is William and I know what you’re like too. You’ll tear each other apart and I’ll be the one left to pick up the pieces  
  
“You don’t know that! Despite what you might like to think mother, I’m nothing without Hillary so just leave us alone alright?”  
  
The back door to the kitchen suddenly slammed shut and there was silence. Hillary guessed Virginia had stormed out and so she tentatively opened the kitchen door to comfort Bill, knowing how much he hated arguing with his mother. But as she stepped into the kitchen Hillary realized to her horror that she was mistaken, it had been Bill himself who had stormed out and she found herself awkwardly face to face with an angry and more than slightly intoxicated Virginia.  
  
“Oh..! I’m sorry I was-erm-just looking for Bill.” Hillary hastily turned to leave the room again when Virginia snapped back at her.  
  
“Listening to all that, were you?” She sneered, and Hillary felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment, effectively giving her answer. “Look, it’s not personal Hillary, I just want what’s best for Bill. I mean you can understand that, right?”  
  
Hillary noticed that her words were slightly slurred due to the copious amounts of alcohol coursing through her bloodstream, if the empty bottles lined up on the kitchen worktop were anything to go by. Not wanting to get into a fight, she shifted uncomfortably on the spot and finally raised her eyes to meet Virginia’s hard stare.  
  
“Well…with respect, Bill’s a grown adult. I think he can make his own decisions when it comes to relationships.”  
  
“Oh you think?” Virginia scoffed sarcastically and Hillary blinked. _What was that supposed to mean?_  
  
“I… I think I should go and find Bill.” Hillary turned to leave again but before she could slip out the door Virginia called after her, cold words stabbing through the atmosphere like the sharpest carving knife cutting deeply into her.  
  
“He cheated on you y’know.”  
  
Hillary froze, not daring to turn back around yet not quite daring to walk away as her heart plummeted deep inside her chest.  
  
“More than once.” Virginia continued, not truly intending to be cruel but at the same time seeing a golden opportunity to be rid of the girl once and for all and being unable to let it pass by. “And I’ll tell you something else for free, he’ll do it again.”  
  
“I don’t believe you.” Hillary finally managed to mumble back after a prolonged pained silence.  
  
_Oh I wish I didn’t believe you._  
  
“Yes you do.” Virginia saw right through her. “You’re not a fool girl, I know you know what he’s like. Why don’t you just spare yourself the heartache and leave him now before you get in the way of his career anymore because let me tell you, he won't change.”  
  
Silent tears escaped down Hillary’s cheeks but she fiercely tried to keep her voice steady and pretend as though they weren’t there. A tried and tested technique she had put into practice far more often than she would have really liked.  
  
“I can’t do that Virginia.”  
  
"Why not?" The older woman shook her head in disbelief, suddenly slamming the glass she had been drinking from angrily down on the table. “Why on earth would you stay with him knowing the second your back is turned he’s slipping off into bed with the first pretty young floozy that looks his way?”  
  
_“Because-"_ Hillary suddenly raised her voice to be level with Virginia’s, partly in an effort to conceal the sobs that threatened to escape and partly to stand her ground, “-I love him.”  
  
Virginia rolled her eyes heavily, her own experiences with romantic love having long since weathered such a pure and true perception of the word, quite forgetting when she herself had held such hope and optimism in her heart as a young girl of the very same age as Hillary, before so much heartbreak and hurt had chipped away at her.  
  
“Ha - honey you don’t even know the meaning of the word. I know what's best for my own son. _I'm_ the one who loves him.”  
  
Which of course she did. So very much, and yet that love so strong would shine so brightly, it had a tendency to end up blinding her to what really should have been evident all along.  
  
If only love and logic were better acquainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, tackling Virginia was really tricky, and I'm still not entirely satisfied with this but I thought I'd better finally stop editing and just post it already because it's been over a week! I also just wanted to note that this is only my interpretation of her in that very early stage before she had warmed to Hillary. I know she probably came across as quite harsh in the little confrontation in the kitchen but she was drunk, and I hope I managed to balance in her point of view and reasoning behind reacting to Hillary the way she initially did which is what I was trying to understand, and the dynamic of the difficult mother/son's girlfriend relationship. Anyway I'll stop rambling now and the next update should hopefully be posted a little quicker than this one was!


	6. Golden Opportunity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone who left such lovely kind comments on the last chapter! I feel like I possibly tried to cram a bit too much into this one, but I wanted to try and keep the story moving forward enough to set up the next chapter so I hope this doesn't read as too many things happening all at once!

Hillary barely slept that night. The rest of the party passed her by in blur until the countdown to the new year swept through the house as it blared out from the television and on the stroke of midnight Bill pressed his lips softly against hers. “Happy New Year darlin!” He whispered sweetly into her ear. _Happy New Year indeed._  
  
Virginia had flounced out of the house after her cross words with the both of them, and Bill had seized the opportunity in his mother's absence to slip into the spare bedroom with Hillary while some of his lingering party guests lay passed out in his room. Bill soon fell asleep but Hillary remained awake, tossing and turning into the early hours of the morning and unable to switch off her brain from replaying what Virginia had said to her.  
  
_“He cheated on you.”_  
  
The words reverberated over and over in her mind and Hillary swallowed her tears, her stomach twisted up in knots as she gazed at Bill sleeping soundly by her side.  
  
_“And he’ll do it again.”_  
  
When the sun finally rose that morning and the first dawn of the year broke out across the country, Bill opened his tired eyes to find Hillary’s inquisitive and wide-awake blue ones staring intently back at him, burning with a thousand questions she desperately didn’t want to have to ask.  
  
“Mornin baby girl.” He leaned across the bed and kissed her forehead, oblivious to the tension hanging between them. He wouldn't be oblivious for long. “Happy January 1st!”  
  
Hillary wasn’t about to be distracted by pleasantries. She maintained her fixed gaze and sat up in the bed, staring him down and deciding to get straight to the point. She never had been one to beat around the bush.  
  
“Did you cheat?”  
  
_Shit._  
  
Bill felt his palms begin to sweat and he tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible. _How the fuck did she know about that? Was it someone at the party?_ Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that these were definitely the wrong questions to be asking himself but he was in far too much of a state of panic to fully acknowledge that now. His heart went cold as he suddenly wondered if any of the girls themselves that his mother had set him up on dates with with were at the party. _Would he have even recognized them if they were?_ His thoughts raced as he tried hopelessly to pin down their faces and he could feel Hillary’s eyes burning into him hard, waiting for an answer. He knew he was fast running out of time to come up with a credible response.  
  
“What? Baby of course not?” He finally managed, as casually as he dared. _Well, it wasn’t a total lie was it?_ Intention wasn’t action and that’s all it had ever been. Intention. _Well, intention and making out apparently, but that didn’t really count did it?_ He was just drunk, it’s not like it meant anything. Of course it didn’t mean anything.  
  
_It never means anything._  
  
Hillary still hadn’t said anything, and the way she was staring into him Bill half wondered if she could read his thoughts. He hastily decided to try and gather a little more context behind her accusation.  
  
“Why would you think that?”  
  
Hillary shrugged a little defensively. _You’re really questioning me now?_  
  
“Just something your mother said to me.”  
  
She watched his reaction carefully and Bill tried his best to conceal his sigh of relief that at least Hillary hadn’t run into any of the girls themselves. This time.  
  
“Please Hilly don’t listen to her, you know what she’s like I would never-“  
  
“Oh don’t even try and say you ‘would never’ because we both know you would.” Her words cut back at Bill sharply as they looked at each other and he felt stung, all the more so because they both knew she was right.  
  
“Okay,” Bill took a deep breath and changed tact, “to tell you the truth, and I only didn’t tell you about this before because I didn’t want to hurt you and it really was nothing, but...my mother’s been trying to set me up on dates with women she considers to be more suitable for me. But I swear I told her I didn’t want to do it.”  
  
Hillary’s expression didn’t falter, the lawyer in her seeing right through his carefully selected wording. _Did he really think that was going to work on her?_  
  
“You didn’t want to do it?” She drew in a breath and Bill held his own in anticipation. “Okay fine. But did you?”  
  
Bill’s face fell, having desperately hoped she wasn’t going to ask that question. But of course he knew she would.  
  
“I-…” He tried quickly to come up with a different answer, but ultimately he knew he had run out of places to hide and finally the word that neither of them wanted to hear fell gently and ashamed from his lips. “Yes.”  
  
Hillary’s eyes filled with tears and she tried furiously to blink them away as Bill stumbled over his excuses as they sped out of his mouth in a hurry to explain himself.  
  
“I’m so sorry Hillary but listen to me it was all just a stupid mistake okay? I only did it to get mother off my back it meant absolutely nothing I swear. It was just a few dinners that’s all, it didn’t go any further than that I didn’t sleep with any of them or anything I could never ever do that to you.” It was half the truth at least. Almost the truth. Which was almost never enough.  
  
“Really?” Hillary hated how weak and almost pleading her voice sounded but she couldn’t seem to help herself wanting to seek validation from him. He alone seemed to have the power to make her feel like the most valuable person in the world and the exact opposite.    
  
“I promise you baby I wasn’t interested in any of them like that, I was only interested in waiting for you.”  
  
Bill could practically hear the cogs whirring in her brain as she sized his explanation up, deciding whether or not she was going to buy it. Or at least whether or not she was going to pretend to buy it.  
  
“You never even kissed any of them?” The flicker of guilt in Bill’s eyes gave away the real answer before he even spoke and Hillary’s heart sank.  
  
“Never. I wouldn’t lie to you baby.”  
  
_Yes you would._  
  
Hillary collapsed back into Bill’s arms with a tearful sigh, all the fight suddenly knocked out of her and seeing little point in continuing going through the motions of this conversation when they both already knew how it ended.  
  
“You’ve got to stop doing this Bill, I really can’t keep on living like this.”  
  
“I will.” Bill held her tight, taking her by the hand and pouring all of the sincerity of his gaze down into her soft blue eyes blinking back at him, “I swear to you Hillary, I know I keep fucking up but I can learn how to be better for you. Because you’re the one I love, you know that right? You’re the only one I could ever want to be with. I love you so much.”  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and she nestled back into his chest as he continued whispering sweet words into her ear, as though love was all it took to cancel out the rest.  
  
If only it was.

  
_____________________________

  
The following of Hillary’s final few days staying in Arkansas for the holiday season were filled with all of the usual types of gestures Bill would lavish upon her when he had been caught out; flowers, dinners, sex, candlelit bubble baths, gifts, each laced with an apology that Hillary would inevitably find herself accepting. Bill knew how to sweep her off her feet, that much was certain. It was only now Hillary was slowly realizing that Bill’s ability to turn on the charm was both the reason for their troubles and the remedy. Her poison and her antidote administered in a single shot.  
  
Then one morning towards the end of Hillary’s stay in the Clinton household before she was due to fly back to Massachusetts, she was having coffee with Bill in the kitchen when the telephone rang. Hillary sipped from her steaming mug as Bill answered it and she wondered who was on the other end, trying hard as she often did to decipher the conversation as she listened to his side of the call.  
  
“Right….right. God really? Yeah? Well, it sure is an incredible opportunity and I’m honored to be asked, but I’ve actually just decided to run for congress so I’m not currently available to accept a position. Yeah. Thank you, and to you too! So, who else is on the list anyway?” Bill’s eyes fell onto Hillary who was still listening from across the table with intense curiosity. “Oh really? Well I have a feeling she might just be interested. Actually, she’s here with me now if you’d like to speak with her?”  
  
A bewildered Hillary suddenly found the phone being thrust in her direction as Bill grinned at her. She gave him a questioning look before picking up the receiver and holding it to her ear.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
Hillary quickly recognized the voice on the other end of the line as that of John Doar, whom both she and Bill had met at Yale when he served as a judge during a mock trial they had participated in for course credit. It had been announced in the previous weeks that John had been selected by the House Judiciary Committee to head up the impeachment inquiry to investigate President Nixon, and he had been recommended the names of a few young lawyers to get in contact with to work on the inquiry.  
  
Bill watched the excitement spread across Hillary’s face as she listened diligently and suddenly sprang up from her chair to grab a notebook and pen and began jotting down details.  
  
“Mm hmm? Right. Starting when did you say? Okay. Right…sure! Yeah. Well it would be an honor, is it alright if I just clear it with my current work commitments in Massachusetts then call you right back? Great, thank you!”  
  
Hillary hung up the phone, her cheeks now almost glowing with anticipation and Bill looked expectantly at her. “Well?”  
  
“He offered me a staff position on the impeachment inquiry!”  
  
Bill chuckled, “well I figured that much! So are you gonna accept it?”  
  
“I think so, I need to speak to Marian about my work with the Children’s Defense Fund and it’ll mean much longer hours... but gosh being at the forefront of such an incredible juncture in American history, plus the chance to work in Washington - I don’t think I could possibly turn it down!”  
  
“I’m so proud of you baby!” He draped his arms over her shoulders and kissed her lips with a beaming smile. “Nixon better watch out because his days in that White House are seriously numbered now that Hillary Rodham is on the case!”  
  
Hillary chuckled. “I think you might be overestimating my abilities just a little there honey.”  
  
“Nonsense! This is going to be the start of amazing things for you Hilly, I just know it. Washington’s not gonna know what hit it!”  
  
They both laughed giddily together, basking in the excitement and anticipation when another realization hit Hillary and her face fell a little.  
  
“Of course, this will mean more time away from you...”  
  
“Hey, hey,” Bill tilted her downcast head back up to face him and he gently stroked her hair. “We can make it work. I can come and visit you in Washington and you can still come back here some weekends to help me out on the campaign, just like we planned.”  
  
She managed a little smile again, touched by his tenderness. “We can make it work.” She nodded back in the hope that repeating his words would reaffirm and somehow ingrain them into them both.  
  
Neither vocalized the other lingering reason for her apprehension to leave him, but it hung unspoken in the air like a silent prayer between them.  
  
_Please don’t let me down again._

  
_____________________________

  
  
Hillary packed her bags for Washington the second she got the go-ahead from Marian that she was free to take leave of her work in Massachusetts and she excitedly called her parents to tell them the news. She booked her flight for the following Monday morning and in the meantime, she and Bill were even more inseparable than ever as they tried to make the most of every last second of time they had together before they would have to part company again.

The couple spent their days locked in each others arms, taking long walks together, visiting museums, and seeing movies. Hillary also helped Bill set up his very first campaign office for his run for office. They rented an old house in Fayetteville on College Avenue and together they painted the words “CLINTON FOR CONGRESS” in proud democratic blue on each side of the house, which turned out to be a messy job indeed. Bill knew he would never forget the adorable sight of Hillary dressed in one of his oversized t-shirts, now noticeably smeared with bright blue paint, as she perched on the top of a step ladder and bit down on her lip in concentration as she focused on painting the letter C perfectly symmetrically. Her sunny laugh was seared into his heart as they ran around the outside of the house splattering each other with the leftover paint after the job was done, as was the steaming shower they shared afterward as he helped Hillary scrub the blue out of her hair.  
  
“I think it suits you!” Bill had laughed as Hillary lathered shampoo through her hair for a third time, and she chucked the sponge at him in playful annoyance before they inevitably found themselves pressed together against the ceramic bathroom tiles.    
  
It also very quickly became apparent that Hillary was one of Bill’s most valuable sources of political advice, and they continually worked late into the evenings together, fine tuning the policies he would advocate for and shaping the approaches he would take. Hillary never missed a trick, and Bill often found himself watching in awe as she skimmed through his speeches and public statement drafts, editing and enhancing and rewriting until she was sure the message he wanted to get across was clear and articulate. Although it was still only early days, Bill knew without a doubt that she was one of the campaign’s strongest assets and that it would sorely miss her when she was gone. Almost as much as he was going to.  
  
Being constantly busy had forced Hillary’s nagging doubts to the back of her mind during her final week in Arkansas, but the night before her flight to Washington she found herself unable to sleep as they all came rushing back to her at once.  
  
She’d had such a blissful few days with Bill, working so hard on values they shared and just being in each others company had almost felt like they were back at law school again. She knew without doubt that she was happier when she was with Bill, and she was fairly certain that he was happier when he was with her. And yet she couldn’t shake her fears that as soon as she stepped onto that plane his attention would inevitably wander.  
  
Do people really change?  
  
She wanted to trust him, but he made it so hard for her to trust. How was she supposed to believe that he wouldn’t go slipping off with the next young beauty queen the very second her back was turned when she knew that was exactly what he always had done?  
  
_“And he’ll do it again.”_ Virginia’s words kept coming back to taunt Hillary as she lay staring up at the ceiling restlessly until she had finally had enough. She threw back the bedcovers and tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water and to try and clear her head. As she pushed the door open she was surprised to find the light already switched on and a figure sitting at the table buttering a piece of toast.  
  
“Peter?” Hillary blinked. She had been so wrapped up with Bill she had completely forgotten his best friend was also staying at the Clinton house for a few days.  
  
“Hey Hill,” he grinned taking a bite out of his toast, “you couldn’t sleep either huh?”  
  
She shook her head and he pulled up a chair for her to come and sit beside him.  
  
“Congratulations on the job by the way, Bill told me all about it the other day, you must be so excited!”  
  
“I am.” Hillary nodded slowly, her face reading the exact opposite and Peter frowned.  
  
“But…?”  
  
“Oh I don’t know…” Hillary shrugged with a sigh, “it’s just leaving Bill you know…”  
  
“Ah.” Peter nodded in understanding, awkwardly realizing exactly what she was referring to and wishing that he didn't. He reached across the table and placed his hand on hers to comfort her and she smiled gratefully before another thought struck her.  
  
“I don’t suppose you- I don’t suppose you’d keep an eye on him for me, would you? Nothing over the top or anything just give me a call or send me a note every now and then, just so I know that he’s okay and put my mind at rest?”  
  
Peter hesitated, knowing the likelihood of Bill slipping up again all too well and not wanting to be the one to break that kind of news to her. He had two younger sisters himself and he felt just as protective of Hillary as he did of them. But as her soft blue eyes pleaded with him he found himself unable to say no.  
  
“Of course. I’ll do my best to keep him in check!” He meant it as a joke and Hillary laughed, but they both felt the weight of truth in Peter’s words.  
  
_Why did she have to fight so hard to keep him?_

  
_____________________________

  
  
The following morning, Bill piled Hillary's luggage into his car and drove her to the airport. He bought her some hard candy for the flight and then surprised her by pulling a little velvet bag out of his pocket containing a simple silver bracelet that she had pointed out in a market they’d visited together a few days before. He fastened the chain around her slender wrist and kissed her on the cheek.  
  
“Just so you don’t forget about me!” He joked with a wink and she laughed. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she captured his lips in a kiss as every fiber of her being poured his light-hearted words right back into him with a much deeper intensity. _Please don’t forget about me._  
  
Before they knew it her flight number had been called and Hillary gathered up her belongings and took one final look back at the man she loved as he gave her a thumbs up and blew kisses from where he stood in the departure lounge, waving goodbye.  
  
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  
  
_Doesn’t it?_


	7. More Than Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope the first part of this chapter somewhat makes up for the dreaded second part....which hopefully is slightly less painfully torturous to read than it was to write!

Hillary soon settled in to the hectic productive buzz of life in Washington, and unboxed her now ever-moving from place to place belongings into the spare bedroom of Sara Ehrman’s home. Sara was a petite blonde woman with a maternal nature whom Bill and Hillary had met while they were in Texas campaigning for George McGovern’s presidential bid two years earlier. She had seen a great deal of potential in Hillary as she got to know her that summer, and she was only too happy to offer her the spare room in her Washington home and help nurture what she knew would be the start of a bright career as Hillary assumed the historic responsibility of working on the House Watergate Committee.  
  
The work was relentless and Hillary hit the ground running from the very first day as she began researching the legal grounds of what did and did not constitute an offense worthy of presidential impeachment. Thousands of index cards were soon scattered across the desk that quickly became not only her work station, but also her meal table and sometimes even her bed as she worked tirelessly through the night, cross-referencing facts and dates until the early hours of the morning when she finally removed her glasses and allowed her head to flop down as she finally succumbed to sleep with only her arm as a pillow.  
  
Despite the merciless hours, Hillary loved the work and found herself truly thriving in the fast paced environment, soaking up every new thing there was to learn as her quick mind was challenged in a way it had never been before.  
  
The only thing missing was Bill. She might have been fulfilled in her professional capacity but her heart still yearned for him, back in Arkansas without her. Although she received a postcard from Peter every week assuring her she had nothing to worry about, she still spent most of her time when she wasn’t working wondering about Bill. What he was doing, how is campaign was going, whether he was missing her.  
  
Whether he was waiting for her.  
  
Their conflicting busy schedules made it difficult for them to telephone each other as often as they’d have liked, but they managed whenever they could. And one particular early afternoon when the committee was granted an early break while they awaited some subpoenaed evidence to be delivered to the office, a coffee-fueled Hillary ran as fast as she could back to her room, not wanting to waste a single second of the increasingly rare opportunity to call Bill.  
  
She grabbed the telephone the instant she stumbled through the door of her bedroom and she lay back against her unmade bed as she dialed the number of his campaign headquarters. She barely even had to think about it as her fingers pressed the sequence of digits, the number at the forefront of her mind even more so than her own home landline.  
  
She waited patiently, listening to the dial tone as she waited to be connected and prayed that he picked up.  
  
One ring. Two Rings. Three rings. And then -  
  
“Hello?”  
  
Her heart skipped a beat as his familiar southern accent flooded down the line to her.  
  
“Bill!”  
  
“Hilly! Baby girl I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today?”  
  
Hillary registered the faint sound of shuffling and muffled voices in the background on his end of the line and she realized she’d interrupted something.  
  
“You busy?” She tried to pose it as a casual question, hoping not to sound paranoid as she strained her ear and tried to determine whether any of the distant voices were female. _You can trust him,_ she reminded herself, _he promised you._  
  
“Never too busy for you darlin.” Bill signaled for the huddle of volunteers in his office to give him a minute and Hillary heard the voices gradually disappear into the distance, followed by the sound of a door closing.  
  
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your beautiful voice at only-“ he checked his watch and quickly calculated the time difference, “3 o’clock in the afternoon.”  
  
She giggled, twirling the phone cord playfully between her fingers. “We’re waiting on something to be couriered over to us so we were granted an extended break. What about you, how’s the campaign going?”  
  
“It’s going good! The phone’s have been ringing off the hook and I just found out today that the Arkansas Education Association is endorsing me!”  
  
“Oh Bill that’s brilliant news, I’m so proud of you! I just know you’re going to absolutely smash the primary.”  
  
Bill laughed, “Well here’s hoping! So when do you think you can next get away for the weekend and visit? I miss you so much baby.”  
  
Hillary sighed, “I miss you too Billy, so much. But I don’t know that I’m going to have any weekends free for another month at least.”  
  
She sensed his disappointment, although he didn’t say anything, and she added an apology to be sure he knew she was just as disappointed as he was.  
  
“I’m really sorry honey.”  
  
“Hey, don’t be sorry Hill! You’re doing some of the most important work in our country’s history. We can’t have you neglecting that just to slip off home and and slide into bed with me!”  
  
Her heart fluttered at his use of the word home.  
  
“I wish I could,” she breathed into the phone wistfully, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to sleeping alone again.”    
  
“Me neither. I miss you keeping me warm at night. Well, except for when you hog the entire duvet for yourself!”  
  
“I do NOT!” She exclaimed loudly and Bill chuckled at her indignant protest.  
  
“Oh yes you do!” He laughed, then lowered his voice, “but that’s okay baby, you have other ways of keeping the temperature nice and hot for me.”  
  
Her body quivered a little and he delighted in hearing the subtle shake in her breath. He smirked and decided to try his luck a little further.  
  
“Tell me Hilly,” he began, his tone husky and playful and she sensed the mischievous smile on his face, “what are you wearing?”  
  
Hillary tilted her head back against the cushions piled on her bed and let out her signature loud laugh as her cheeks turned slightly pink.  
  
“Bill Clinton are you trying to have phone sex with me?” She pretended to sound shocked through her giggles.  
  
“Maybe.” He grinned, “is it working?”  
  
“Well that depends, are overly exhausted cliches a turn on?”  
  
He bit his lip at her teasing, poking fun at his predictability. “Sometimes.” He argued, “for example; scented candles and rose petals in the bathtub - now there’s an overly exhausted cliche if there ever was one, and yet I don’t seem to remember hearing any complaints from you that particular night last Christmas. In fact, if I remember correctly it seemed to be very effective in getting you nice and wet.”  
  
Hillary pressed her lips together, stifling a soft giggled whimper. “Well lovely as that was honey, I don’t think it was the bathtub that had that effect on me.”  
  
“Oh really?” She shook her head although he couldn’t see it. “Then tell me darlin what exactly was it hmm?”  
  
“Ohh I don’t know…” Hillary flashed a quick glance in the direction of her bedroom door to check it was firmly closed before she continued in her silkiest voice. “Maybe it was the way you massaged my shoulders after a long day’s work? Or maybe it was the way your fingers trailed softly down my freshly soaped skin? Or maybe…it was the way you sank into me, hard and slow as I dug my fingernails into your back, desperate for more.”  
  
She heard a deep strained groan from his end of the phone and she smiled, pleased with herself that she’d had the desired effect.  
  
“ _Hillary,_ fuck do you have any idea what you do to me?”  
  
Her tongue slipped out of her mouth and she licked her lips. “Why don’t you tell me? Tell me just how hard you are for me honey.”  
  
“Painfully,” he groaned, and Hillary’s eyes fluttered shut as she slipped her hand lower down her body and closer toward the ache that was begging for her attention. “I miss your touch so much pretty baby, I miss feeling you hot and wet around me, I miss the way you make me come.”  
  
_“Bill-”_ her breathing hitched as she whimpered, his words driving her crazy. “God Bill, I miss you so badly.”  
  
“I know baby. You’ve no idea how much I miss you.”  
  
She heard him switch the phone into his other hand followed by some fumbling and the sound of a zip being unfastened. A thrill surged through her, rising from the pit of her stomach and she sighed with longing.  
  
“I wish I was there to take care of you.” Her voice dripped with such an impossibly perfect balance of love and lust, of tenderness and desire and Bill groaned. The effect she had on him was like nothing else he had ever known, she never failed to leave him breathless.  
  
“Touch yourself for me darlin.”  
  
She willingly obliged, sliding her hand beneath the waistband of her skirt to the wetness gathering in the lace of her underwear, awaiting her touch. Her breathing quickly grew more shallow as she began to gently massage herself in slow circles, and Bill listened to each of her soft moans hitting him hard through the phone, aiding his own motions as he reached down to stroke himself.  
  
“Mmmm.“  
  
“Feel good baby?”  
  
“God yes Bill, so good, mmm- _shit”_ A sharp knock on her bedroom door suddenly snapped her out of her lust filled trance and she quickly withdrew her hand from her underwear and tried to calm her breathing. The redness flushed on her cheeks from arousal was very quickly replaced with that of embarrassment.  
  
“Hillary?” Sara’s voice called to her from the other side of the door and Hillary leaped off the bed, smoothing down her skirt as she answered the door.  
  
Sara glanced her up and down, noticing she was blushing and Hillary felt sure she knew exactly what she’d just caught her doing.  
  
“Sorry to, um, disturb you honey, but John’s on the phone and they need you back down there. Do you want me to drive you back to Capitol Hill?”  
  
“Oh! Of course I’ll be right there, thank you!”  
  
Sara told her she’d wait in the car and Hillary grabbed her bag and scrambled back to the phone, quickly telling Bill she was sorry and she promised she would make it up to him. Before he even had a chance to utter a word in response she had slammed down the phone and flown out the door like a whirlwind late for a storm.  
  
Back in his office in Arkansas, Bill groaned in palpable frustration as he heard the phone click and the line went dead. _Great._ With the loss of Hillary’s soft sounds and words spurring him on, he refastened his pants and tried his best to focus on work and ignore the now considerably visible bulge straining in his lap. He attempted to distract himself with the remainder of the days paperwork but it didn’t seem to work. He could practically hear Hillary’s voice still lingering in his ear, sugary and suggestive, teasing him. As much as he tried to concentrate he couldn’t seem to get the image of her out of his head. Her soft skin hot under his fingertips, plump cherry lips pouting, letting out long soft moans, her delicate hands gripping him, stroking him slow and steady.  
  
He felt his cock twitch at the memories flashing through his mind and he let out a strangled sigh. He was hard to the point where it was a struggle just to think straight, and he was just about to give in and take matters into his own hands again when a knock on his office door jolted him out of his one-track plan.  
  
“Come in.” He called out, trying his best to make his voice sound as normal as possible and not betray the intense state of arousal he was currently stuck in.  
  
The door creaked open and a young girl stepped over the threshold. Kayla, he seemed to remember her name was. Around 22 years old with raven dark hair and heavy false eyelashes now fluttering in his direction. She had been part of the group of junior staff from his University who had volunteered to join the campaign. Bill was acutely aware that she was attracted to him but he had been careful not to give her the wrong signals. _Well, they had kissed at the faculty Christmas party but that didn’t count did it? After all everyone kisses at Christmas parties, it never means anything. And they were drunk. So it definitely didn’t mean anything._ Always endless explanations and excuses.  
  
“Can I help you Kayla?”  
  
She smiled a dazzling smile. “Sorry to disturb you Mr Clinton, but I have a couple of things here that need your signature.”  
  
“Sure,” Bill signaled for her to come up to his desk and he tried to subtly pull his chair in as far as it would go in the hope that the desk would conceal the lingering tent in his pants.  
  
Her heels clicked against the floor as she crossed the room, swaying her hips deliberately with every step. She neatly dropped the papers in a pile in front of him then leaned against the desk, propping her hand under her chin and prominently pushing her cleavage forward as she handed him a pen.  
  
Bill swallowed hard. This was not helping his predicament in any way. His hand practically shook as he took the pen from her and buried his head in the paperwork, scanning through the words printed on each page before signing his name at the bottom and handing them back to her.  
  
“Thanks.” She smiled, and Bill heaved a sigh of relief as she turned to leave. She was almost at the door when she suddenly swerved on her heel, remembering something and turned to face him again. “Oh! I almost forgot, I was wondering if you still needed someone to step in going door-to-door tomorrow? My end of town is the only one not covered yet and I’d be only too happy to help out.”  
  
“Oh, yes that would be awesome!” Bill shifted out of his chair to the adjacent filing cabinet and dug around until he pulled out a bundle of printed flyers, temporarily forgetting the reason why he had been hiding behind his desk. “Could take these and distribute them as you go? And if you call Peter first thing he’ll brief you on anything else you need to know.”  
  
“No problem.” She took the flyers and watched as Bill sat back down again, noticing the unmistakable outline in his pants and feeling a sudden rush of heat, certain it was for her.  
  
“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver Kayla.”  
  
She flashed him a pearly white smile before casting her gaze back down again, now drawing both of their attention to what he had tried and failed to hide.  
  
“Are you sure you don’t need my help with any other…problem?” She blinked back up at him, her eyes lusty and flirty as she licked her lips. Bill felt himself turn red and he shuffled in his seat, clearing his throat and trying desperately to muster up what little willpower he had.  
  
“Oh uh- I- that’s not- I mean you don’t need t-“  
  
“Awh come on now don’t be shy. I think we can both see that you want me to. Besides, you really can’t be very comfortable like that.” She circled around to his side of the desk and perched herself on the cushioned arm of the chair before leaning in and whispering in his ear. “Let me relieve some of that tension for you.”  
  
She slid her hand slowly down his front, flashing her long glossy painted fingernails as she squeezed him gently through his pants causing him to groan.  
  
_This was a bad idea._  
  
She started kissing his neck and stroking him through his pants before reaching for the zipper.  
  
_Definitely a bad idea._  
  
He flipped her long hair over her shoulder, virtually paralyzed as he watched her drop to her knees in front of him and unfasten his pants.  
  
_So why wasn’t he stopping it?_  
  
“Kayla-“ He finally found his voice as she reached into his boxer shorts.  
  
“Shhh,” the seductive smile never left her face as she pressed a slender finger to his lips, silencing his protests. “Just sit back and let me take care of you.”  
  
Hillary’s sweet loving voice to him earlier suddenly echoed inside Bill’s mind sending guilt shooting right through him.  
  
_“I wish I was there to take care of you.”_  
  
Shit. He should not be doing this. He swore he wouldn’t do this, he promised Hillary th-

His train of thought was abruptly cut off as Kayla took him in her mouth and effectively rendered him apparently incapable of rational reasoning. The physical sensation flooded his senses and conscience finally gave up the fight.  
  
“Fuck-“ He groaned in his low raspy southern accent, gripping her hair tight as he guided her up and down. He closed his eyes, half from the pleasure and half to try and assuage his guilt and block out the fact that it wasn’t Hillary’s lips wrapped around him.  
  
But guilt always finds a way to catch up to you in the end.  
  
Kayla very quickly had him on edge, expertly swirling her tongue and caving in her cheeks and it wasn’t long before he spilled into her mouth, panting heavily with a deep groan. A moment later, the blinding high of his climax was replaced by a sinking sense of shame as his conscience caught up with him, and Bill hastily tucked himself back into his pants again as Kayla straightened herself out.  
  
“We shouldn’t have done that Kayla.”  
  
“But you’re glad we did.” She licked her plump lips with a playful glint in her eye and Bill shook his head but found himself smiling at her.  
  
“You’re a bad influence, you know that?”  
  
She winked at him with a giggle. “Maybe next time I’ll let you find out just how bad I can be.”  
  
Bill cast his eyes up and down her curvy body, the intimacy of what they had just shared clouding his judgement and temporarily pushing thoughts of Hillary to the back of his mind. But they would never stay pushed back there for long.  
  
“Maybe I will.”

He would later tell himself that he only said it in the heat of the moment, never really intending to go through with it.

But he was gradually learning that intention mattered very little when the corresponding actions just didn’t match up.


	8. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! I haven't had my laptop all week so that's held me up a bit but I've got the next chapter after this virtually finished so I'll post that within the next few days as well to make up for it. And thank you so much for all your wonderful comments, reading them honestly makes me so happy!

“Do NOT try and palm me off with that bullshit Bill, I know what I saw and what’s more, I know you!” Hillary shouted down the phone, her blue eyes flashing angrily and fast filling with hot tears as her hand clutched so tightly to the handset that her knuckles were turning white.   
  
What a difference a month makes.   
  
It had all started so well. Regular postcards from Peter put her mind at rest and regular phone calls from Bill satisfied her heart as they poured endless words laced with love and longing down the phone to each other, reaching out across the distance which separated them in the only way they could.  
  
Then the postcards had stopped coming. Warning sign number one. Hillary knew Peter well enough to realize he wouldn’t want to explicitly deliver her a stinging blow like that directly. No, this was his way of getting her to read between the lines, alerting her that something wasn’t right, as kindly as were possible. If only kindness made it any better.  
  
After two weeks with no postcards and few and far between phone calls, an increasingly distressed Hillary persuaded John Doar to grant her a rare weekend off to go and visit Bill in Arkansas as a surprise. And that was where she had been slapped in the face with the cruel lesson of warning sign number two:   
  
Never try and surprise a cheat.   
  
Hillary had arrived at the Campaign Headquarters as the sun was at its highest point in the sky, beaming down a near-sweltering heat onto Fayetteville although it was still only early spring. She slid her sunglasses from the top of her head down to the bridge of her nose as she approached the building, smiling as the blue lettering plastered across each wall came into view and she fondly remembered the afternoon she had spent with Bill painting them there. But her smile wouldn’t last long. As she steadily closed the distance between herself and the figures gathered outside of the headquarters hosting some kind of fundraiser, she presumed, the scene in front of her fully came into focus and she stopped dead in her tracks.   
  
Bill was standing in front of the trestle tables handing out flyers with a smooth charismatic smile on his face as a group of young girls, who Hillary supposed were students, flocked around him, hanging smitten on his every word. _Okay,_ she drew in a deep breath, _fine._ She had long since resigned herself to the fact that with his chosen career path this would always be something she would always have to deal with. And she could handle that. But then Hillary saw the other girl. Her infuriatingly perfect body clothed in a tightly fitted dress pressed up against him, her arm draped around his shoulder and his hand on the small of her back as she nestled against him in a gesture that screamed familiarity. Intimacy, even. Hillary’s heart plummeted deep inside her chest and her blood ran cold before boiling hot.   
  
_Why do you have to keep proving me right?_   
  
Hillary approached the table and the pair quickly sprang apart, the girl swiftly making her excuses and disappearing off into the crowd as Bill greeted Hillary in surprise and then delight but it was too late. She knew what she had seen and Bill knew she had seen it too. But she didn’t say anything. Not yet. She quickly decided that he would have to wait her confrontation out, one of the few ways in which she could grasp back some control of the situation. She was adamant that they were going to have one weekend of normality to hold onto before facing up to the inevitable. She deserved that at least.  
  
Don’t break the illusion until you have to.   
  
And so she turned a blind eye. For now. And they spent the weekend going through the motions and playing the happy couple. Smiles never faltering, neither daring to give a voice to the elephant in the room and each willing and daring the other to break the silence first. 

Well that silence was well and truly broken now, as they screamed and sobbed down the telephone at each other and unleashed every last ounce of all that had been kept tightly bottled up for far too long.  
  
After their stalemate weekend of careful tiptoeing around the issue, Bill had finally plucked up the courage to sheepishly call Hillary a few days after she arrived back in Washington and explain himself, thinking that giving things a little time and putting some space between them would help defuse the situation. A definite miscalculation on his part as he now found himself on the receiving end of a weeks worth of Hillary’s pent up anger and hurt carrying across the state lines directly back to him as he shamefully begged for her forgiveness.    
  
“I’m so sorry baby it was just a stupid mistake it meant nothing I swear I’ll never go anywhere near her ever again - I’ll even fire her from the campaign.”  
  
“Don’t be so ridiculous Bill you can’t let her lose her job just because you can’t keep it in your pants.”   
  
“You’re right,” Bill’s voice cracked, “you’re so right, I’m so fucking selfish. See this is why you’re the best part of me Hillary, I’m nothing without you. I need you baby please, I’m so sorry.”  
  
Hillary let his words wash right over her. She wasn’t in the mood for guilt tripping. She held the phone a little away from her ear as Bill stammered out another stream of sobbing explanations. Endless reasons why, all begging for her understanding but Hillary shook her head.  
  
“I am so sick to death of hearing the same pathetic excuses from you Bill.” She spat his feeble reasons back at him, putting on a mocking imitation of his southern accent that probably would have turned him on under different circumstances, if only she hadn’t been furiously yelling at him. “ _'Oh it was just physical’ ‘Oh it doesn’t mean anything’_ Well let me tell you something William, if it really means so fucking little then why don’t I just go and jump into bed with some random guy here in Washington hm? It’s not like I haven’t got plenty of interest, maybe I should even us up a bit?”  
  
She heard him practically wailing in despair in response. “Baby don’t do that I’m begging you, don’t do something that’s gonna make our lives miserable.”  
  
Hillary clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and practically laughed at the audacity but it ended up coming out as more of a pained sob.   
  
“Oh _that_ would make our lives miserable would it? As miserable as you’re making _my_ life, you mean?”  
  
He whimpered down the phone “Please Hillary I love you, I can’t bear the thought of you being with someone else.” _Hypocrite._ “Don’t do something you’ll only regret baby please, I know you’d never do that.”  
  
A silence fell between them and Bill could hear Hillary’s shallow breathing echoing through the line. He could tell she was crying.   
  
“You’re right Bill.” She finally said, all the anger dissolved from her voice and replaced with a hollow sadness. “I never would.”   
  
She finally broke into audible sobs and each tugged painfully at Bill’s heart as he whispered comfort and apologies and tried to soothe the damage he’d done. After a few minutes her breathing grew more steady and she finally spoke again.   
  
“This has to be the last time.”  
  
Bill was quick to chip in with his assurance that it would be, but Hillary wasn’t done.  
  
“I mean it Bill. We’ve been here before remember? And I can’t do it anymore, I won’t. No more lies, no more fucking around.”   
  
“I promise you.”   
  
_You’ve promised before._ Hillary ran a quick replay of all his previous apologies and empty promises in her mind; all the best of intentions and none of the actions to match. _Too many fucking times before._  
  
Bill heard her stifle a yawn down the phone and he suddenly realized how late it was. He knew what long hours she was working on the impeachment inquiry and he suddenly felt slapped with even more guilt that he had been adding to her stress when he should have been the one she could rely on to ease it away.   
  
“I think,” Hillary finally sighed after an uneasy prolonged silence, “it’s best if you don’t call for a while. I think we both need some time to think.”   
  
Bill reluctantly nodded with a heavy heart. He opened his mouth to say ‘I love you’ but the line went dead before he could get the words out. He slammed the phone down in frustration and glanced over at Peter, who had been sat across the room listening to his side of the conversation. His best friend gave him a deeply disappointed stare and Bill groaned in despair.   
  
“God what am I gonna do Peter?”  
  
Peter rolled his eyes, wholly unimpressed with his entire handling of the situation. “For god’s sake Bill either sort your shit out or leave that poor girl and be done with it.”  
  
“Leave her?” Bill’s eyebrows shot upwards as though he’d just suggested he abandon civilization and travel the world in a hot air balloon. “I love her!”  
  
“Yeah.” Peter sighed, not disputing that particular notion. “And you’re making her life hell.”   
  
Bill was stunned into silence and Peter shook his head as he got up from his desk and crossed the floor to leave the office, offering one last piece of advice before making his exit.  
  
“One way or another, neither of you can go on like this Bill. Something’s got to give.”

_____________________________

  
Over the following days, an incredibly miserable Bill found himself doing a huge amount of thinking and soul searching. And walking. Without calls to Hillary to fill his spare time, he instead took to wandering aimlessly through the streets of Fayetteville with nothing but his own thoughts for company. He knew he had to find a way to show Hillary he was serious about their future together, and after a lot of thinking and even a bit of praying after he paid a long overdue visit to his old youth minister for guidance, the answer finally came to Bill one afternoon as he trudged through the shopping center and came face to face with the window of a jewelers and rows of diamonds gleamed back at him brightly.  
  
He realized it had been almost a year since he first asked Hillary to marry him, when she had told him that she needed time and he agreed. Well, they had both had plenty of time to think over the past few months. They were no longer fresh graduates taking their first steps out into the world, they were both beginning to carve out their own paths and it would surely soon be clear whether or not they were to intertwine. He hoped they both now at least had a much firmer idea of what they wanted their futures to look like, and he nervously decided that the time was finally right to ask her again.   
  
Bill stepped into the jewelers and began scanning each display for a ring perfect enough for Hillary. He eyed all the standard looking ones, large stones cut into various shapes stood proudly in the center of each ring, they all looked pretty ordinary to him. Then his gaze fell upon one that looked different to all the rest. It was a simple silver band but instead of having a lone jewel in the center, it was studded with lots of tiny diamonds all the way around it, twinkling magically as they caught the light from every direction.   
  
“Hey could I possibly take a closer look at this one?” Bill pointed to it from behind the display case and the shop owner pulled a key out of his pocket.  
  
“The eternity ring?” The shop owner clarified, unlocking the glass box and bringing it out for him to hold and Bill felt his heart skip a little as he held it delicately in his hand. Eternity ring. He liked the sound of that.   
  
“Is that what it’s called?”  
  
The shop owner nodded. “Or some people call it an infinity ring. The continuous line of gems around the outside symbolizes unending love and an eternal unbroken commitment.”   
  
It sounded perfect.   
  
“Can I- I mean, do you think it would work as an engagement ring?”  
  
“Of course.” the man smiled. “In my personal opinion I think it can have even more of an impact as an engagement ring. It’s a choice that speaks volumes about the way you feel for the person you give it to and the depth of your devotion to them.”  
  
Bill was fairly certain most of this was just sales talk but either way, he felt sure that this ring and the message it carried was exactly what he was looking for.   
  
“I’ll take it!”

  
_____________________________

  
  
Sara tentatively entered Hillary’s bedroom and placed a steaming mug of cocoa on the bedside cabinet before kneeling down to where the younger girl was curled up on the floor. Her usual spot these days, heavy breaths and the shake of her shoulders betraying the cries she was desperately trying to conceal.   
  
“Oh sweetheart,” Sara wrapped a comforting arm around Hillary’s slim frame and pulled her in close for a long hug. “If you want my advice darling you’d be much better off forgetting all about him.”  
  
Hillary sniffed and dried her eyes but gave a little shake of her head. “I don’t think I can do that Sara.”  
  
The older woman watched as Hillary played with the silver bracelet Bill had gifted to her clasped around her slender wrist, her blue eyes lost deep in memories of new year and Arkansas and him.   
  
“I know you love him. But honey you’re young, you’ll love again. Is he really worth getting your heart broken over and over again like this?”  
  
Hillary didn’t know what to say, her eyes stayed glued to her bracelet, gently dragging her finger across each link in the chain. “All I know,” she began slowly, “is that I’m happier when I’m with him than when I’m not. And I want to be happy Sara. I know I could build a career here in Washington, and I’m not saying I want to close the door on that possibility forever…but I think I could build a family in Arkansas. It was just starting to feel like home, and I don’t want to lose that when I’ve only just found it.”   
  
“Is that really what you want? With _him?_ After the way he’s treated you?”   
  
Hillary shrugged, but her mind appeared to be already made up. “I don’t know. I think so. He’d be different once we were permanently settled again, I’m sure of it. Like we were in New Haven, we were so happy there he hardly ever even looked at anyone else.”   
  
The practicality of her words was so often mistaken for self pity, coldness even. But the truth was Hillary never pitied herself. She might not know exactly what she was getting herself into with him, but what she did know without a shadow of a doubt was the way he made her feel and how real that was, and for now at least, that was enough.  
  
“Hardly ever?” Sara repeated in disbelief. “Hillary, do you hear yourself? You deserve so much better than ‘hardly ever’”  
  
“He’s promised me he’ll change.”  
  
“And you believe him?”  
  
Hillary sighed, now holding desperately tight to the bracelet between her fingertips.  
  
“I have to.”    
  
 _You don’t walk away if you love someone, you help the person._


	9. The Worst Of Good Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is where the story finally starts to take a turn from canon events as they really happened and drifts into an au. I also just wanted to add that that with this chapter and particularly the role that Sara Ehrman plays, that I don't believe she was ever actually as direct or forceful with her opinions as portrayed here. This is more an exploration of what could have potentially happened if she had been, combined with the outside influence of certain other people (because my interpretation of her at least is that this may well be quite close to what she did want to say, but for Hillary's sake I believe for the most part she did keep her thoughts *mostly* to herself!)

Bill caught the very next flight to Washington that he possibly could with his campaign commitments. The purple velvet jewellery box containing the eternity ring was tucked safely into his suitcase and his heart skipped a beat every time he thought of it, soon to be sparkling proudly on Hillary’s finger. His beautiful girl. And hopefully soon, his wife.  
  
He and Hillary had talked a handful of times on the telephone since coming to blows over his liaison with Kayla, more promises and apologies were exchanged and they were slowly but steadily getting back on track again. As spring was on the cusp of turning to summer, Hillary’s work on the impeachment investigation was finally coming to a head and since the revelations of the latest audio tapes, support for President Nixon in congress was abruptly coming crashing down around him. The end was looking to be in sight and Hillary had slowly begun to once again think about her future beyond the hectic bubble of her life in her little office in Capitol Hill. After many long walks and and pros and cons lists debated back and forth with herself, the business card she had been given over New Year in Arkansas popped back up to the forefront of her mind.  
  
Teaching.

The more she thought about it, the more she liked the sound of the idea. Helping young people reach the fullest of their potential had always been something she felt fiercely passionate about, and now this would be a chance to be an influential part of educating and nurturing young minds first-hand.  
  
She hadn’t discussed it with Bill yet, and she decided to wait until they next saw each other in person. But having now experienced the buzz of life in Washington, Hillary finally felt in a position to be able to properly asses what it was that she wanted, and she soon came to the realization that what she wanted was to follow her heart. As the frantic nature of her work reached its culmination she began to feel excited at the prospect of setting down roots. Of a home rather than just a place to stay. Maybe even a family. The thought of waking up next to Bill each morning again filled her with so much joy and for the first time in months of feeling like her future was all up in the air, she finally felt as though she knew where she was headed. Finally everything was going to be alright again.  
  
Famous last words.  
  
Bill hadn’t told Hillary he was flying in to Washington. Wanting to surprise her, he caught a cab straight from the airport and directed the driver to the address Hillary was staying at. It was almost 6pm by the time he was dropped off outside the yellow painted building of Sara Ehrman’s house, and Bill felt a sudden burst of butterflies in his stomach as he carefully unlatched the front gate and walked up the path nervously clutching a bunch of flowers he had bought at the airport, silently praying Hillary would be home.  
  
He rang on the bell and his heart sunk in disappointment when an older woman answered the door and stared at him curiously.  
  
“Oh, um, hi there ma’am. Sorry to disturb you, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m B-"  
  
“Bill Clinton. Yes I know.” Sara cut him off rather bluntly, seemingly unimpressed with his unannounced presence there. She had recognized him immediately from the brief time they had crossed paths working on the McGovern campaign, and from the many, many photographs of him pinned up on Hillary’s bedroom wall.  
  
“I’m looking for Hillary?”  
  
Sara folded her arms, still firmly blocking the doorway. _Of course you are._  
  
“Well I’m afraid she’s not back yet, she doesn’t usually finish till around 8 or 9 o’ clock these days.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
Sara sighed, realizing she was going to have to invite the young man in. “I suppose you can wait here until she gets home.”  
  
“Oh thanks!” Bill flashed his usual charming smile and slipped inside the house, closing the door behind him with a neat click. Sara led him into the kitchen and eyed the bunch of flowers he was tightly holding onto, wondering skeptically what they might be an apology for this time.  
  
“Do you want me to put those in some water for you until Hillary gets back?”  
  
“Sure, if you don’t mind!” He passed the flowers over and Sara silently filled a vase with water from the copper kitchen tap and placed them neatly on the windowsill for Hillary to see when she walked up the front path to the house.  
  
“Coffee?”  
  
“Oh, yeah, thank you that’d be great! Actually, do you mind if I use your bathroom?”  
  
She directed him up the stairs to a door on the left and Bill gratefully took the chance to freshen himself up a little from his journey. As he washed his hands, he smiled as he noticed Hillary’s washcloth and bottles of lotion and shampoo all lined up along the shower shelf. He strangely missed seeing all of her products cluttered in with his in the bathroom, both of them accidentally knocking each other’s bottles to the floor at least once a day as the tiny space struggled to hold their combined collection. His mind started to wander to memories of shared showers with Hillary and he swiftly removed himself from the bathroom to shake off those thoughts, definitely not wanting to have to return downstairs to face his reluctant hostess with a noticeable tent in his jeans.  
  
He crossed the landing and was just about to descend the stairs when he saw another door with a pair of instantly recognizable clumpy brown shoes laying outside of it. _Hillary’s room._ Bill’s face lit up and he glanced downstairs, checking the coast was clear for him to chance a quick glimpse inside the little world Hillary was currently living in without him. Unable to resist, he quietly turned the door handle and stepped inside for a quick peek.  
  
He chuckled as he was immediately met with the sight of a considerable mess inside of the room. When Hillary’s sharp mind was being worked into overdrive she did tend to neglect less important matters such as bed-making and general tidiness. Back at Yale, he always used to find it funny how he could always tell exactly how difficult she was finding a particular assignment or exam based purely on the state of her dormitory. If her clothes were in the laundry basket; she was breezing through. If they were strewn all over the floor and on the bed and on just about any other surface available; then he could be sure she was in the library working herself all hours and that was his signal that he needed to pay her a visit to make sure she wasn’t burning herself out.  
  
Bill stepped over a collapsed pile of clothes and decided to give the room a quick tidy, folding away the laundry, straightening up her bedsheets and returning various messily stacked books back to their rightful place on the shelf. As he worked he noticed the only part of the room that didn’t look like a hurricane had hit it was the desk. Just like at Yale, Hillary took pride in her work above all else and her papers and pens were all positioned neat as a pin ready for whenever she next needed to use them. He smiled as he looked at all the photographs taped to the wall above her desk, perfectly positioned in her line of vision for the many hours she spent working away there. Each photograph held a precious memory, most of which were shared with him. Pictures they had taken messing around on study dates in the law library, the two of them arm in arm and clutching champagne glasses at graduation, sightseeing in London and laying together on the shores of Lake Ennerdale on their trip to Europe, her first visit to Arkansas - him goofily clutching a watermelon. His heart swelled with love as he gazed and re-lived each cherished moment, and his hand slipped into his pocket as he pulled out the velvet box containing the eternity ring, imagining all the future memories they were yet to make.  
  
“Do you take sugar in your coffee Bill?” Sara’s voice suddenly called upstairs to him, breaking Bill out of his nostalgic reverie.  
  
“Oh yeah, please!” He quickly made his exit from the bedroom and headed back downstairs before he could be accused of snooping. Sara handed him a steaming mug then gestured for him to join her in the living room.  
  
“So Bill,” she began, taking a seat on the couch opposite him, “this is a surprise. Hillary never told me you were coming?”  
  
“No, well…it was sort of a spontaneous spur of the moment type thing. She doesn’t actually know I’m here.”  
  
“I see. So what brought this on then? I hear you’re very busy with your campaign, it must have been hard to find the time to fly out here.”  
  
Bill shifted a little in his seat, wondering if he should let Sara into the reason he was here. He decided that seeing as he hadn’t had the opportunity to seek the blessing of Hillary’s parents for her hand in marriage, Sara’s blessing would be the next best thing. After all she had been like a mother to Hillary these past months and he knew she felt very close to her. So with bated breath, he reached into his jeans and opened the little jewellery box and Sara’s eyes widened.  
  
“I um, well I came to ask Hillary to marry me. We’ve been through a lot this last year and I think, well I hope, that after she’s finished here in Washington it’ll finally be our chance to settle down together. Just like we always wanted.”  
  
Sara said nothing for a moment, her eyes transfixed on the silver ring glinting in the light before she finally settled her crystal gaze back onto Bill.  
  
“Can I give you some advice Bill?”  
  
Bill felt slightly unnerved by her stony expression but nodded politely. “Sure.”  
  
“Do you love Hillary? I mean _really_ love her, not just fancy her or get her into bed. Properly, truly love her?”  
  
Bill was taken aback by the directness of the question and he blinked in surprise before answering. “Of course I love her! More than anything, she’s the light of my life, the best thing to ever happen to me.”  
  
Sara nodded, the seriousness on her face only deepening. “Then I think you should let her go.”  
  
If he thought he was surprised by her first question, Bill’s jaw truly dropped opened at that declaration and his heart suddenly went horribly cold inside his chest. This was not at all where he had anticipated this conversation going. He attempted to laugh off her statement in disbelief, desperately hoping it was some kind of joke or test but at the same time harboring a sinking feeling that it wasn’t. “What are you talking about?”  
  
“Hillary has a bright future Bill, one of the brightest in her generation in my opinion, and no doubt you do too. But being with you is ruining her and if you truly love her then you’ll put a stop to it.”  
  
Bill felt utterly shellshocked, opening his mouth to respond but Sara continued before he managed to begin to get any words out.  
  
“She’s thriving here in Washington, working all hours on that investigation and yet every night she has to come home despairing over you, worrying herself to death that you’re off with some other bimbo then crying herself to sleep at night.”  
  
Guilt hit Bill like a ton of bricks as he listened in horror, speechless as Sara went on. “I have my connections here in D.C. I know people who can set her career up in the right direction, Betsey Wright is already keen to help guide her and strongly believes she has the potential to be a future senator, or possibly an even higher ranking position. But she’ll throw all that away if she disappears off to Arkansas to be with you.”  
  
Bill let all this sink in before finally managing to stammer out a response. “With all due respect Sara, I think Hillary can make her own life decisions about her future.”  
  
The older woman rolled her eyes mockingly. “Oh and that’s very convenient for you isn’t it? Her hopeless love for you dictating her choices every step of the way. You know she’d follow you to the ends of the earth if she could and from what I’ve heard about Arkansas, she might as well be.”

Bill frowned at that dig at his beloved home state. “So what do you suggest?” He snapped back defensively. “I just break her heart and never see her again?”  
  
“Bill, you’re breaking that girl’s heart anyway. The truth of the matter, I’m afraid, is whether you leave her or not Hillary’s heartbreak at the hands of you is an inevitable outcome of your involvement with her no matter what you do.” The truth of that statement sliced through Bill like a knife and he could do nothing but continue to listen in a dismayed silence. “If you care about her, you won’t let her throw her life away just to be by your side. Forever miserable in the role of the betrayed wife, sitting up in bed every evening wondering whether or not her husband was going to come home to her that night. Is that really the future you want for her?”  
  
“That would never happen!” Bill’s voice was angry and certain but inside, he began to doubt himself.  
  
“Oh really?” Sara challenged, her eyes virtually burning into him now. “Because I think we both know that’s _exactly_ what would happen.”  
  
A horrible silence filled the air and the pair stared each other down until Bill finally snapped the ring box shut and grabbed his coat.  
  
“I’m going to find Hillary.”  
  
Sara sat and watched him storm out of the living room but called out to him again just before he reached the door.  
  
“You know I’m right Bill.” He stopped in his tracks and stood rooted to the spot but didn’t turn around. “You’re no good for her. And if you really want to do right by her then the kindest thing you can do for Hillary is to get well out of her life.”  
  
“You’re wrong.” Bill finally managed to stammer out, with what little conviction he had left to muster before storming out of the house and slamming the door loudly behind him. He couldn’t yet bring himself to admit the sickening realization he was slowly coming to, that she may just be right.


	10. The Wrong Right Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was pretty much torture to write so I'm really sorry in advance but please don't hate me! I promise there will always be a happy ending eventually and I could never keep them apart forever so please do stay with me!

He hadn’t brought any money for a cab, so Bill walked the streets of Washington aimlessly, heading in the vague direction of Capitol Hill. His head was swimming with Sara’s words and the uncomfortable truth that they held, and he started to feel sick to his stomach as he found more memories coming back to him of other people in his life heeding the very same warning. _“You’re making her life hell.”_ Peter had told him just the other day, and then there was what he had said even longer ago at graduation _“You’re going to ruin that girls life you know.”_ Then of course there was his mother, never withholding her opinion on the matter, _“go ahead and ruin both of your lives then, because believe me you’ll tear each other apart.”_ He realized with a heavy heart that even Hillary herself had added to the narrative, _“as miserable as you’re making my life?”_  
  
The comments swirled through Bill’s head again and again no matter how hard he tried to shake them off and he slowly sunk deeper and deeper into his spiraling self doubt.  
  
Maybe Sara was right. Maybe he was being selfish thinking he could hold onto her and tear her away from her ambitions and potential. Maybe she was better off without him.  
  
The sun was just beginning to set as Bill reached Capitol Hill, and he stared up at the historic structure in awe as the sky stretched from blue to pink, the orange glow of the sun slowly sinking behind the large dome of the building. He felt another flutter of pride that this was really where Hillary was working. Only 26 years old and already she had made it to where so many don’t even get close to in a lifetime. _The brightest of her generation_ Sara had said. Well she was certainly right about that. He’d always known it, from the very first moment he’d met her and had the breath knocked right out of him as she strode up the length of the law library and thrust her hand in his direction, smiling that beautiful smile, blinking at him from behind those thick glasses and addressing him in her forthright self-assured manner. That girl was going places, no doubt about it.  
  
He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there, so deep in thought he had lost all track of time when suddenly a side door opened and a stream of smartly dressed individuals poured out, all chattering excitedly. Bill scanned the small crowd and his heart leapt as he caught sight of Hillary amongst them, her thick curly hair half tied back with the rest tumbling loose around her shoulders, and her figure smartly dressed in a navy blazer with a flowery shirt which tied up into a bow across the front. As she clutched a stack of files to her chest and talked with a colleague walking beside her, Bill couldn’t help marveling at how truly alive and in her element she looked, and for a fleeting moment he could see her future so clearly; the young star of Washington shining so brightly and making the world a better place without the burden of his failings dragging her down.  
  
Another girl from the group Hillary was walking with whispered something in her ear and Bill heard her laugh and he smiled. She seemed happy. Happier than he’d seen her in months in fact. And yet the closer he got towards her he couldn’t help noticing how tired she looked, observing the shadows beneath her eyes that told the story of countless sleepless nights. Probably caused by him, he realized with a horrible sinking sense of guilt. He remembered what Sara had said to him earlier about Hillary crying herself to sleep, plagued with worry. _Definitely caused by him._  
  
The idea of doing what Sara had suggested was slowly drifting from an unimaginable concept to an all too sudden reality. Bill felt like he was sitting at the junction of the most important crossroads of his life, wrestling back and forth between which way to turn as the indicator clicked incessantly in the background. Left or right. Stay or leave. Together or apart.  
  
_'Hillary’s heartbreak at the hands of you is an inevitable outcome no matter what you do.'_  
  
Crush her now and let her rise or crush her slowly until she no longer can.  
  
Which was worse?  
  
Which was kinder?  
  
He was so lost in the tug of war of his own deep thoughts, so desperately determined to do the right thing that he didn’t stop to realize that this choice really wasn’t his to make in the first place. And by the time he would realize that later, it would already be too late.  
  
_“Bill!”_ Hillary’s sunny voice broke through the depths of his inner turmoil as she suddenly noticed him standing there and she stopped in her tracks in disbelief, her face bursting into a beaming smile.  
  
“Surprise Hilly!” He chuckled as she raced over and launched her arms around him. He lifted her into the air a little as they hugged, holding onto her so tight as though she might disappear at any moment, realizing he had regrettably come to the conclusion that all too soon, she would.  
  
He knew what he had to do.  
  
When they pulled out of their warm embrace Bill kissed her long and slow, savoring the sensation as his tongue explored the taste of every single inch of her mouth, not wanting to ever forget. A few onlookers from the crowd of friends Hillary had left started whistling at them and Hillary’s cheeks flushed pink as she turned back to face them.  
  
“Knock it off, Thomas!” She grinned at the guy she had been walking with and he held his hands up in a mock surrender.  
  
“See you tomorrow Hill, and remember we’ve got a lot to get through in the morning so don’t tire yourself out too much tonight with him!” Thomas winked and headed off to his car along with the rest of their onlookers and Hillary rolled her eyes as she waved goodbye.  
  
“So,” she turned her attention back to Bill once they were out of view, “to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”  
  
Bill swallowed hard, the blissful happiness on her face serving as a painful reminder of exactly what he was about to shatter. Hillary didn’t miss the grave change in his expression and her smile rapidly dissolved into a piercing frown of concern.  
  
“Billy?”  
  
Her caring tone was almost too much for him to bear and he decided if he was going to do this, he needed to get it over with quickly. He took her by the hand and stared intently into those brilliant, blue eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you Hillary.”

  
_____________________________

  
Slightly alarmed, Hillary showed Bill to a secluded spot on the edge of a park where they could talk. A large willow tree stood in the corner of a clearing, casting it’s shadow over a small wooden bench beneath it. They walked towards it in silence, hand in hand, their fingers interlaced as Bill held on tight, savoring the connection and trying desperately to imprint the feel of her touch into his memory, never wanting to let go.  
  
“Billy you’re scaring me a little, please just tell me what it is?” Hillary’s voice quivered nervously, a million worse case scenarios racing through her head as they sat down next to each other on the little bench and Bill stroked her hand with his thumb in a way he knew soothed her. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel scared or as though she’d done anything wrong.  
  
The park was empty and quiet except for the sound of birds singing in the trees overhead and the faint whistle of the wind blowing gently through their hair. As the sun set in the distance, the peaceful picture-perfect setting reminded Bill of the original reason he had come to Washington in the first place, and he felt the weight of the eternity ring in his pocket as he allowed himself to briefly imagine the very different conversation he had planned for them to be having right now. The very different question he wanted to be asking. The very different future together they would now never see.  
  
_But this is for the best,_ he told himself again, the words of his friends and family still echoing through his head clouding his judgement. _It must be._  
  
“Hillary.” He finally managed to utter, slowly spelling out each syllable knowing how much he was going to miss the sound of her name on his lips. “Listen…there’s no easy way to say what I’m about to say, so I’m just gonna…say it.” He was stumbling over his words already and Hillary felt her heart plummet deep inside her chest. The textbook breakup opening line. So it had finally happened had it? He had finally found somebody else for more than just a meaningless fumble in the bedroom. Finally found someone to replace her?  
  
She always knew it was only a matter of time.  
  
“You know how much I care about you don’t you?”  
  
Hillary found herself unable to speak and simply nodded as the foundations of her world slowly began to crumble around her.  
  
“I think you’re amazing, beyond incredible. You could do anything you wanted in this world and then more, I want you to always remember that okay?”  
  
_‘Always remember that?’_ Hillary repeated his words in her mind in disbelief. God, that sounded so final she could hardly bear to listen. And yet she was still hanging on his every word.  
  
“But-”  
  
She held her breath, already knowing what must be coming next yet still not quite daring to believe it.  
  
“-I think we should go our separate ways.”  
  
And there it was. The killer blow, punching her right in the stomach and knocking the air right out of her lungs.  
  
She started to blink twice as much as normal and Bill could tell she was fiercely fighting a losing battle to control her tears. More tears, because of him.  
  
At least these would be the last.  
  
“Why?” She surprised herself at how strongly her voice suddenly came out but she had to know. She demanded that explanation that was rightfully owed to her at the very least.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Why now? Or should I say, who? Or no, let me guess, that girl I caught drooling all over you at the fundraiser? Is she the one you're leaving me for?”  
  
“What, Kayla?”

It slightly sickened Hillary how quickly another woman’s name fell from his lips. How normal it had become for them to refer to a third party in their lives.

“No, no god it’s not like that, it’s not anyone it’s just…us.” Bill wasn’t sure if he was managing to make this worse or better but he knew he had to give her some kind of reasoning. Some kind of closure. “Look, with us spending so much time apart recently I’ve realized that we’re heading in completely different directions. We both want different things in life and we’re just holding each other back.”  
  
He was wrong. He was so wrong and Hillary opened her mouth to tell him everything she had already decided on that she hadn’t had the chance to tell him yet. That she wanted to come to Arkansas, to come home to him and build the life they had planned. The life they had always wanted. But that future she had been so certain of yesterday had quickly begun to fade into nothing before her very eyes, and the words seemed to get lost in her throat somehow.  
  
“Bill- I…we- we’d make it work, we always make it work.” Her voice was raw and soft with tears and it pained him to hear as he shook his head.  
  
“Not this time Hill. We’re no good for each other, I’m not the man you deserve, I mean we’ve only been together three years and just look at what I’ve put you through already. We can’t go on like that.”  
  
“I forgave you.” She whispered, and Bill hung his head towards the ground.  
  
“You shouldn’t have had to Hillary. I should never have done that to you.”  
  
Her blue eyes studied his intently, searching and scanning for any flicker of what up until this moment, she had been so sure was there.  
  
“I forgave you because I love you.” She spoke the last three words slowly, challenging him. A question that could only be answered with the very same three words.  
  
Bill knew what she was doing, knew what she was looking for him to say…or not say. His heart tugged more agonizingly than he ever thought possible as he came to the realization of what he was going to have to do next in order for her to let him go once and for all.  
  
_Better to make her hate you than let her hate herself._  
  
“That’s just it Hillary,” he swallowed, everything inside him willing himself not to speak the words he was about to utter because once they were out there, he knew he could never take them back.

“I- I’m not in love with you anymore.”  
  
He barely even recognized his own voice as he heard himself before his brain even had a chance to fully process the consequences of what he was saying. It sounded so wrong to him, and he desperately hoped he had managed to come across as even remotely convincing, because he truly couldn’t remember the last time he had said anything and meant it any less.  
  
_I’m not in love with you anymore._  
  
His words stabbed through Hillary’s body, piercing all the air right out of her as she struggled to catch her breath and the tears she had been so desperately holding back now spilled out from underneath her glasses. Bill had to fight every instinct inside of him not to wrap his arms around her, wipe away her tears and tell her just how in love with her he really was. Too in love with her in fact. So much so that he was forcing himself to a life without her if it meant she had her best chance at happiness.  
  
Instead all he could manage was an apology, over and over as he still awkwardly kept hold of her hand, unsure which one of them should let go first.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but I swear this is for the best okay? You’ve got your whole life ahead of you Hillary and I know it’s going to be amazing.”  
  
Hillary could only manage to shake her head, her vision now nothing but a blur of colors as fresh tears filled her eyes as fast as they were falling from them.  
  
“So this is it?” She sounded so hollow, defeated. “Three years of us and all our plans gone just like that?”

“I wish things could have worked out differently.” He hoped she knew just how much he meant every word of that sentiment.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
They stared at each other in hopeless silence for a few moments as the weight of what was happening took hold. It was really over, they were really about to part ways with the one person they had both felt adamantly sure that their future was filled with.  
  
But not anymore.  
  
Bill didn’t want to leave her but he knew if he didn’t get out of there soon he wouldn’t be able to hold it together, and he didn’t want her to see him fall apart. He leaned forward, longing to kiss her lips one last time but knowing he had now lost all right to that privilege. Instead, he kissed the top of her head, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo and savoring the the silky touch of her chestnut locks for one final time.  
  
“Please, please just be happy Hillary.”  
  
She couldn’t bring herself to respond to that, watching helplessly as he walked away from the bench and kept on walking, leaving her sitting there completely alone. He didn’t dare take a single look back just in case his impulses betrayed him and he went running right back into her arms and told her that it had all been a big mistake, that he could never bring himself to let her go.  
  
But he knew that he had to.  
  
Over and over again in his head, repeated like a mantra he told himself that this was the right thing, that he’d done the right thing. And yet as the tears poured from his own eyes and streamed down his face he couldn’t help feeling that he may have just made the biggest mistake of his life. 

_____________________________

  
The flowers he had brought to her from the airport in so much hope would wilt away where they had been left on the kitchen windowsill, and she would never know they were from him.  
  
He would keep the ring, tucked deep in the back drawer of his bedside table, rarely looked at but never forgotten. A permanent reminder of the love they had shared and the future they had lost.  
  
_Now she was free to fly, and he was free to live and wonder what might have been if they had only flown together._


	11. Happier?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of a transition chapter before the second half of the story kicks in, and it was a *little* bit awkward to write just because the narrative is meant to fit around a song which inspired this chapter (well, this chapter and this entire story really, so thank you to the person on tumblr who pointed this song out and how well the lyrics would fit them in an au!) so anyway I hope that it reads okay and doesn't flow too strangely and I'll stop rambling now! 
> 
> ((Disclaimer - lyrics belong to the original songwriter))

**1 month later**  
  
“Oh come on Bill! Look I know you’re worried about seeing her but she might not even be there. It’ll be good for the campaign if you go and besides, it could be fun!”  
  
That was what Peter had said and Bill knew his best friend was right, so here he was. Washington D.C. An annual fundraiser being held in aid of helping equip the next generation of young people running for office. It should have been an amazing networking opportunity to build up contacts and make a good impression on people in high places…and yet as each speaker took to the stage and shared their valuable insight and advice with the keen young listeners in the audience, Bill struggled to keep his thoughts from wandering off to whether or not the one person he wanted to see more than anything in the world was there too.  
  
Nixon had resigned, and the impeachment investigation committee had concluded their work and all gone their separate ways. Bill had no idea whether Hillary was even still in Washington, having not seen nor heard from her since that fateful day he had finished things between them under the setting sun of the end of an era of a presidency, and of their lives. Still, even just the slightest glimmer of possibility that he might bump into her again had been enough to send his stomach turning somersaults for the entire duration of his flight into the capital. He wasn’t really sure he’d even have the guts to speak to her if he did see her, but if he was honest with himself, even just one glance to soothe the now constant ache of how he missed her would make the journey worthwhile. The chance to see her smile just one more time and to know for certain that she was okay, that she was happier without him.  
  
If only he knew.  
  
As the talks concluded everyone made their way to the reception area for drinks and the customary session of massaging each others egos. Bill tried his utmost to push all thoughts of Hillary from of his head and put all of his energies into applying his lucrative charm and charisma as he spoke with a group of senators who seemed largely impressed with him. One young blonde junior senator seemed to be particularly smitten with him, and as the others wished him their best with his bid for congress and moved along to speak with other groups of up and coming hopefuls, the young woman stayed and continued making eyes at him. After a few moments of exchanged burning glances the woman sidled up closer to him, whispering into his ear before disappearing into the crowd.  
  
“I’m staying in room 208 if you want to come and find me later.”  
  
Bill swallowed, transfixed as he watched her go, her hips visibly swaying as the gold fabric of her dress clung tightly to them. She was gorgeous, no doubt about it, and he probably would have downed the rest of his drink and headed straight after her in a heartbeat had it not been for what happened next.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he suddenly saw _her._ Thick curly tresses falling around her shoulders, those oversized coke bottle glasses and that hint of an overbite as she smiled a smile that dazzled him even from the other side of the room. Unmistakably Hillary.

  
_Only a month we've been apart_  
_You look happier_

  
The rest of the room seemed to disappear into background noise around Bill and all he could see was her, glowing with radiance before him. He noticed she was wearing the same black cocktail dress she had worn at their graduation party the year before, and his breath hitched in his throat as he remembered that night; his hands wrapped snugly around her waist, holding her close, then slowly slipping underneath the silky dark fabric as soon as they were alone, causing her to shiver. Tonight his mouth ran dry remembering, longing to touch her in that way again yet knowing full well he’d long since lost all right to that privilege.  
  
As he drew closer he realized she was with another man, and he couldn’t help feeling the heavy sinking in his heart as he noticed the overly familiar arm resting around her shoulder as she talked with a group of guests. The man leaned in close to her and said something that made Hillary tip her head back in loud laughter and the sound was like music to Bill’s ears, instantly remembering all the cherished times it was he who made her laugh like that. It tugged at his heart painfully knowing that now somebody else was the one to bring that smile to her lips. But she deserved to be with somebody else who made her feel like that. She of all people deserved every bit of that happiness and he was happy for her. At least he would keep on telling himself that, until he one day finally managed to convince himself he believed it.

  
  
_Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_  
_But ain't nobody love you like I do_  
_Promise that I will not take it personal, baby_  
_If you're moving on with someone new_

  
  
“Bill?” Hillary suddenly noticed him standing there and called out in surprise before she managed to stop herself. Bill stopped in his tracks and realized he’d been drifting further and further towards her and apparently noticeably staring.  
  
“Hillary…”  
  
Their eyes locked and an awkward atmosphere fell around them, one they were certainly not accustomed to and worlds away from the usual ease and comfortable safety they had felt together before Bill had gone and shattered it all.  
  
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” He lied, finally managing to get a hold of himself enough to mumble out a few words. “How are you?”  
  
“I’m great.” Hillary replied through a falsely painted smile. “How’s the campaign going? I heard you won the primary.”  
  
“Yeah…yeah it’s going good. Busy but good. I’ve been to almost every corner of rural Arkansas in the district so far - my old gremlin is definitely being pushed to the very limit!”  
  
He was trying to break the ice a little, and for a moment it seemed to work as Hillary smiled and let out a small chuckle, remembering the state of his beloved old car from all the road trips they had taken together. For a second the sadness seem to flicker away from behind her eyes and they shone with their usual brightness again. But only for a second.  
  
“Well I’m glad to hear things are working out for you.”  
  
“Yeah…so what about you? What are you planning on doing now the impeachment inquiry’s has wrapped up? Congratulations on that by the way.”  
  
Hillary smiled again and opened her mouth to respond when the man who’d had his arm wrapped around her shoulder earlier suddenly sidled up and interjected himself into the conversation.  
  
“She’s thinking about running for the senate, aren’t you Hill?”  
  
Bill raised his eyebrows and Hillary pressed her lips together, seemingly annoyed at his interruption. The man glanced at Bill with a flash of disapproval across his face before slowly turning back to Hillary.  
  
“I’m just gonna go get another drink, want anything?” Hillary shook her head, her eyes still fixed firmly on Bill. 

"I'll come and find you and get one in a bit."  
  
The guy nodded and the two of them watched him walk back the way he came towards the bar, leaving them alone and Bill shifted uncomfortably on the spot.  
  
“He seems…nice.”  
  
Hillary turned back to Bill and quickly realized exactly what he meant as she noted the distinct look in his eyes while watching the man go. The exact same look she’d had in her own eyes under the same assumptions more times than she could even count. Except unlike when she was in the same position, he was in fact completely wrong. It wasn’t like that at all. The man was Sara's son, more like a brother to her than anything else and there was absolutely nothing going on between them. Hillary briefly wondered whether she should bother explaining all this to Bill...but then what was the point? She refused to burden him with her loneliness. He’d made his feelings clear, and she didn’t want his pity.  
  
“He is.” Hillary forced herself to smile convincingly then swiftly changed the subject. “Obviously he was jumping the gun a bit mentioning the senate. It’s way too soon to be thinking about that but him and Sara have been tirelessly trying to convince me anyway.”  
  
“Hillary you’d make an incredible senator, you’re the most gifted person for public service I’ve ever met.”  
  
She seemed a little surprised to hear that from him but flattered all the same. “Well…maybe. I don't know. I mean I’m not even old enough to run yet anyway so I’d like to focus on law practice for a while at least, and carry on working with the children’s defense fund.”  
  
He nodded. “Just don’t let anything hold you back, okay?”  
  
Their gaze lingered for a moment, blue eyes exchanging a thousand words neither dared to voice until they were suddenly interrupted once again by the blonde woman Bill had met earlier, smugly gliding past in her stiletto high heels.  
  
“I’m heading up to my room now.” She whispered to Bill in a silky seductive voice, just loud enough for Hillary to overhear. She didn’t stop to look at either of them before heading straight towards the elevator, expecting him to follow. Bill went red and turned to Hillary as soon as the woman was out of earshot.  
  
“Shit Hillary it’s not… I mean I don’t even know her we’re just-”  
  
“Sleeping together...?” Hillary finished his sentence for him while he scrambled for the right words and he hung his head towards the floor.  
  
_I guess old habits die hard._  
  
“Look Bill you don’t have to explain yourself to me anymore, it’s fine.”  
  
It clearly wasn’t. But neither of them were about to break the perfect illusion at the cost of the other’s happiness.    
  
“Honestly, you’re single, you can do whatever you want. I’m happy for you.”  
  
Bill managed a strained smile, although his normally brilliantly blue eyes seemed to lack most of their usual shine. “I’m happy for you too Hilly-uh-Hillary.”  
  
She flashed a smile back, as genuine as she could manage and she tried to ignore the flutter of her heart as he accidentally called her by her nickname. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and stared at the floor for a moment before bringing her eyes back up to his, letting her gaze linger across his lips for a second before pushing of all those kinds of thoughts out of her head. He didn't see her that way anymore, she reminded herself.  
  
“Anyway,” Her voice cut through their reverie and brought them both back to reality all too soon. “I’ve got a few other people I was hoping to talk to so…”  
  
“Oh! Right yeah of course, me too.”  
  
“It was good to see you again though.”  
  
“And you. Good luck with everything Hillary.”  
  
“You too Bill.”  
  
They stayed rooted to the spot for just a moment longer, both willing themselves to step aside and walk away but finding their bodies fighting against co-operating, perhaps on some level acknowledging that this was really it and wanting to hold on just that little bit longer before they exchanged their two final words each, voices heavy with the weight of everything else they longed to say that would now remain unsaid between them.  
  
“Goodbye Hillary.”  
  
“Goodbye Bill.”  
  
Finally they managed to tear themselves away from each other and slowly they went their separate ways, drifting across the room like a fork in a stream trickling in opposite directions as the space between them grew wider and wider apart.

Once he was a safe distance away, Bill turned around once more and stole a final glance back at Hillary as she greeted another group of people and the man whom Bill had blindly assumed was her new boyfriend handed her a drink. He watched for as long as he dared as she was quickly swept into a lively conversation, listening and laughing just a little too enthusiastically to compensate for the emptiness she was masking. A minute passed before she began telling an anecdote of her own to the group, and Bill watched from across the room as she captured her listeners interest and attention, talking with her hands as she so often did and smiling her captivating smile. He marveled at how she shone and how he already missed her.

  
  
_'Cause baby you look happier, you do_  
_My friends told me one day I'll feel it too_  
_And until then I'll smile to hide the truth_  
_But I know I was happier with you_

 

As the evening finally drew to a close, Hillary slipped away and escaped back to the solace of her room in Sara Ehrman’s home. She gratefully kicked off her high heels and breathed a tearful sigh of relief as the silence of the room enveloped her and she slid her back down against the closed door and sank down to the floor, hugging her knees close to her chest as the smile she had been hiding behind all night fell away and she began to cry. Seeing Bill again so unexpectedly had really knocked the breath right out of her, ripped open her barely healing wounds of his sudden declaration that he no longer loved her and rubbed salt right into them as she was slapped in the face with the reality that he had clearly moved on and already had some new gorgeous woman keeping his bed warm. Not that she ever really doubted that he would, but seeing it right before her very eyes had certainly well and truly shattered any lingering hope that he might just be pining after her. Missing her the same way she was missing him.  
  
Hillary’s sobs shook her whole body as she finally let them out and the small amount of make up she had been wearing for the gala was washed away down her cheeks by her tears. She gently rocked herself back and forth and tried desperately to settle herself and dry her eyes. Several minutes passed before she finally dragged herself back up to standing and crossed the room to her closet to get changed for bed. She stopped by her desk for a moment and her gaze fell upon the many photographs she had taped to the wall of her and Bill. Her eyes quickly filled with tears all over again as their beaming faces smiled back at her in the most blissfully happy moments they had shared together.  
  
But he had moved on, and it was time for her to do the same.  
  
She suddenly ripped at the tape and started to pull down each photograph, wishing she had the nerve to tear them up but unable to quite bring herself to do it. She wasn’t ready to completely let go yet and truth be told, she wasn’t sure that she ever would be. Instead she did the next best thing, stacked the photos into a little pile and shoved them to the back of a drawer. Out of sight and out of mind. If only it were that easy.  
  
She turned her attention back to the task at hand and slipped out of her dress before opening the closet, rummaging through her things looking for something to wear to bed when a flash of bright blue caught her eye. Bill’s old Arkansas University t-shirt, still stained with the blue paint from when they had painted his name along the sides of campaign headquarters together. She pulled it from the drawer and held it close to her heart, breathing in the lingering musky scent of him still on it and her eyes slipped shut as she dreamed for a moment that he was back with her again, holding her, wanting her, and loving her.

  
  
_Sat in the corner of the room_  
_Everything's reminding me of you_  
_Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself_  
_You're happier, aren't you?_

  
  
Back at the gala, as soon as Bill noticed that Hillary had disappeared he found himself trudging upstairs to room 208 where the golden dressed blonde was waiting to coax him into bed. He didn’t see any point in trying to fight with his reckless physical impulses anymore. He’d lost everything anyway and at the very least this might provide him with the chance to feel something other than the painfully hollow emptiness now eating away at him. A brief escape into what used to feel real when he took it all for granted. Not that it would do much good. He was soon to learn that passing flings and meaningless sex were very poor substitutes for love, but his realization came too little too late.     
  
The next morning he rolled out of bed without so much as a word to the sleeping form beside him and he crept out of the hotel room to gather up his things and catch the first flight back to Arkansas. Somehow it seemed a little less like home now that the hope of Hillary sharing her life with him there was gone. He stared out of the window blankly for the duration of the flight, deep in thought and his mind heavy and flooded with memories of Hillary rising back to the surface after spending a month of trying to bury them away. Her gaze and her smile and her laugh were all freshly imprinted on his heart again, and he was starting to think they might never leave.  
  
Once he arrived back home he abandoned his luggage in the hallway of his apartment and went straight up to his bedroom in search of something. The silence of the room felt numbing, and he rummaged through his bedside cabinet until he found what he was looking for and pulled out a purple velvet box. Bill clicked open the latch and sank to the floor as the glimmering silver diamond ring shone brightly back at him, hidden away in it’s box, now surely never to be seen by its intended recipient. He delicately slid the ring out of it’s spongy cushion and brought it up to his lips, pressing a light kiss against the cool metal and finally allowing the tears to pour freely from his eyes as the weight of all he had lost hit him like a ton of brick to the chest all over again.

  
  
_Oh, ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_  
_But ain't nobody need you like I do_  
_I know that there's others that deserve you_  
_But my darling, I am still in love with you_

  
  
Hillary slept in Bill’s t-shirt that night, grateful for what little comfort it brought her and then she never wore it again, trying her best to forget.  
  
Bill kept the ring close to him always, but found that he looked at it less and less the more time went by. Remembering was too painful. Yet moving on seemed almost unthinkable.  
  
The days that passed since their last encounter turned to weeks and then soon to months, and they both threw themselves into their separate work and careers and forced themselves to move forward as best they could in the knowledge that the other was better off without them. Neither realizing that the opposite was in fact true.

  
_I guess you look happier, you do_  
_My friends told me one day I'll feel it too_  
_I could try to smile to hide the truth_  
_But I know I was happier with you_

  
  
It would be seventeen years before they would finally enter each others lives again….


	12. Imperfect Timing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of people have guessed where this is going...this chapter should reveal all... :)

**October 3rd 1991**  
  
_Illinois, Chicago_  
  
“Ten minutes, Senator Rodham!” The voice of Hillary’s trusted aide called to her from behind the door, poking her around into the back room of the convention center and she nodded with a smile.  
  
Ten minutes. Hillary quickly turned her attention back to her reflection in the brightly lit mirror for her final checks. She was still getting used to the sight of her face without the large frames of her glasses shielding her eyes, having been repeatedly advised to drop them and switch to contacts. They gave off an ‘impression of weakness’ apparently, whatever that was supposed to mean. Hillary really couldn’t understand how anyone could possibly view her easily correctable vision as something that would affect her ability to do her job, but she had eventually complied and compromised anyway. She knew full well that she didn’t need to give herself anymore bumps in the road to stumble over than the plenty that were already there waiting for her.    
  
She had dolled herself up a little more than usual today, under the repeated strict instruction that the soon to be constant glare of cameras flashing in her direction would certainly wash her out if she didn’t. So she had added a little more rouge to her cheeks, a sheen of ruby red to her lips and a sleek charcoal grey to line her eyes. Nothing too much. Just enough for a little noticeable definition.  
  
Hillary glanced at the time again. 5 minutes. She pulled her focus away from the mirror and glanced over her carefully prepared speech one last time, meticulously scanning the page and drinking in each line although she already had the words memorized by heart, each carefully constructed point burnt steadfast into her brilliant mind as she prepared to share them with the country and the watching world. Her stomach fluttered with nerves and excitement with the weight of the journey she was about to embark upon.  
  
Little did she realize, she only knew the half of it.  
  
Another couple of minutes passed by then suddenly her aides appeared in the doorway again and it was time. She was led to the side of the stage and could hear the faint buzz of the crowd beyond the curtain, all waiting for her. Her team were giving her enthusiastic smiles and thumbs ups as she smiled back. The atmosphere was so full of hope and anticipation and this was just backstage. Hillary smoothed down her skirt and straightened her matching blazer, a royal shade of blue with golden buttons. Democratic blue, of course. Everything had been chosen so carefully and deliberately and planned right down to the smallest detail. She was thoroughly determined that absolutely everything had been considered and prepared for and that this announcement would go off without a single hitch.  
  
Which it _almost_ would.  
  
Before she knew it, her name was announced on the speaker overhead and the moment had come for her to emerge from behind the curtain and take to the stage. A wall of sound from the crowds cheering for her lifted her up as she made her way to the podium, waving and smiling at the few familiar supportive faces she could see in the front rows before the blinding bright lights made it impossible for her to look out any further. She noticed the huddle of press and television cameras at the side of the stage, all trained in her direction, watching, waiting. All eyes were on her.  
  
“Thank you! Thank you so much it is wonderful to be here with all of you, with my family, with so many friends including many of you who gave me the honor to serve as your senator for the past ten years.”  
  
Her clear and steady voice cut through the applause and as she began to speak with a warm and assuring smile.  
  
“America’s basic bargain is if you do your part you ought to be able to get ahead. And when everybody does their part, America gets ahead too.”  
  
Her nerves were fast disappearing as she drew her energy from that of the crowds, and continued to seamlessly deliver her speech. With each well executed point she made the enthusiasm in the room soared, as did her spirits.  
  
“That bargain has inspired generations of families, including my own. It’s what kept my grandfather going to work in the same Scranton lace mill every day for 50 years. It’s what led my father to believe that if he scrimped and saved, his small business printing drapery fabric in Chicago could provide us with a middle-class life. And it did.” Hillary paused, blinking out into the audience where somewhere her republican father was sat and she briefly wondered what he was thinking as he watched his eldest daughter make the announcement that would change her life forever. She swallowed and quickly regained her focus as she continued building the momentum.  
  
“But the country is heading in the wrong direction fast, slipping behind, losing our way, and all we have been getting from the current administration and the past 12 years of republican leadership is division and distraction. Well it’s time for change, to turn all of that around and begin moving this country in the right direction again…”

  
  
_____________________________

  
  
_Little Rock, Arkansas_  
  
Governor Bill Clinton adjusted his tie, hearing the chanting coming from outside the mansion as the people of his beloved home state waited for him to step out and address them with the greatly anticipated announcement. His staff rallied round him in support and his best friend and now campaign manager Peter, clapped him on the back and brushed some dust off the shoulder of his new suit jacket, making certain he was one hundred percent camera ready.  
  
“Let’s do this!” Peter grinned and Bill grinned right back. A knowing smile exchanged with all the excitement and anticipation and weight of what they were about to venture into.  
  
Turning to the mirror, Bill ran his long fingers through the thick of his greying hair and took a long slow breath. This was it. This moment had been a long time coming, after more than a decade working tirelessly in politics leading up to this. Now it was finally his time for the nation’s spotlight to shine down on him and his vision.  
  
He certainly hadn’t anticipated just how soon he would be sharing that spotlight, nor the immediate effect on him of the person whom it would be with.  
  
“Ready?” Peter prodded him towards the door’s leading out to the empty platform and he nodded. He waited for his cue and then the doors were swung open proudly and he descended out upon the crowds, circling round to shake as many hands as he could on his way to the podium. People held up handmade signs in fierce support already, and the electric atmosphere was like a charge to Bill’s batteries as he took his place at the center of the stage and began his meticulously crafted speech.  
  
“Thank you all for being here today, for your friendship and support, for giving me the opportunity to serve as your Governor for 11 years, for filling my life full of blessings beyond anything I ever deserved. All of you, in different ways, have brought me here today, to step beyond a life and a job I love to make a commitment to a larger cause: Preserving the American Dream. Restoring the hopes of the forgotten middle class. Reclaiming the future for our children. ”  
  
His charisma and charm swept the crowd and in an instant every single person was already hanging on his every word as he punched passion and life into the carefully prepared remarks.  
  
“Over 25 years ago, I had a professor at Georgetown who taught me that America was the greatest country in history because our people believed in and acted on two simple ideas: first, that the future can be better than the present; and second, that each of us has a personal, moral responsibility to make it so. That fundamental truth has guided my public career, and brings me here today. It is what we've devoted ourselves to here in Arkansas. Solid, middle-class values of work, will, family, individual responsibility, and community. But as I’ve traveled across our state, I've found that everything we believe in, everything we've fought for, is threatened by an administration that refuses to take care of our own, has turned its back on the middle class, and is afraid to change while the world is changing. Today, as we stand on the threshold of a new era, a new millennium, I believe we need a new kind of leadership, leadership committed to change...”  

  
_____________________________

  
  
Across the country the media was going into a complete frenzy as both speeches were unknowingly simultaneously broadcast live to the watching nation. News announcers were pulled in two different directions and pens were hurriedly put to paper as both speeches concluded with the very same statement:  
  
_“…And that is why I am officially declaring my candidacy for President of the Unites States.”_  
  
Eruptions of cheers roared across Chicago and Arkansas as the two candidates left their respective stages and returned to their waiting campaign staff, where they would both be hit by the last piece of news in the world they had been expecting to greet them.  
  
_**‘Governor Bill Clinton announces presidential run at home in Little Rock!’**_  
  
_**’Senator Hillary Rodham announces presidential run live from Illinois Convention Center!’**_  
  
Both stared at the television screens in utter shock as the headlines came pouring in and they found themselves looking at the one person they had both fought so hard to push right to the very back of their minds for the past 17 years.  
  
They do say fate has a wicked sense of humor.

  
_____________________________

  
“Fuck Peter why the hell didn’t you tell me she was running?”  
  
Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Bill paced the floor of the governor's mansion furiously.  
  
“It was all just rumors. I thought it might affect your decision if you knew she was thinking about it so we tried our best to keep it quiet. I didn’t think she’d actually do it.”  
  
“What? Of course she would! Once she’s set her sights on something there’s no changing her mind. God do you not remember anything about her at all?”  
  
Bill collapsed back into his chair and threw his head back against the leather cushioning in frustration. He had spent the best part of twenty years trying to forget all about Hillary Rodham. Sleeping with half the female population in Arkansas just to try and force himself out of love with her, not that it had done any good. No one had ever come close to filling that void in his life she had taken away with her when they parted ways all those years ago, and he had resigned himself to the fact that he was simply destined to be alone now. He’d virtually made his peace with it. At least this way he could dedicate himself to his career instead, serving the country he loved and putting his mind and heart for the people to good use. Well, that was the plan anyway. Distinctly _not_ part of the plan was the very woman he had tried so hard to forget about suddenly materializing back into the center of his life again.  
  
“You’re not going to drop out are you?” Peter chewed his lip nervously, having watched Bill’s despaired reaction in alarm.  
  
“No of course not! I couldn’t do that, it’s just…I don’t know. It’s complicated.”  
  
Peter hesitated. “You aren’t- I mean, you don’t still have feelings for her do you?”  
  
“What!?” Bill snapped back at least ten times too quickly and defensively. “Of course not!”  
  
Peter sighed. Well that was a resounding ‘yes’ then.  
  
“Look,” Peter valiantly tried a different approach of reasoning, well aware that they needed to get a handle on this situation from off, “maybe you should get in contact with her? Meet for lunch or something just to talk things through and clear the air? Make sure there’s no, erm, hard feelings…so to speak.”  
  
Bill rolled his eyes at that comment but remained thoughtful. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. After all they hadn’t seen or heard from each other for almost two decades. They’d both moved on and lived separate lives, surely they could be civil? Maybe friends even…  
  
“Strictly on a professional basis of course.” Peter chipped in through Bill’s wandering train of thought and he glanced back up at him.  
  
“Of course.” Bill nodded in firm agreement, almost convincingly. “Okay fine, can you get hold of her office contact details for me?”

  
_____________________________

  
  
Hillary stormed through her newly set up campaign offices like a storm in its wake. Her black high heels clicked loudly against the polished wooden floor, serving as a warning signal of her approach as young volunteers and staff scurried to get out of her path and the line of fire. She walked the full length of the building until she reached the offices occupied by Betsey Wright, deputy chair of her campaign, and Sara Ehrman, her new campaign manager and most trusted mentor ever since her very first work in Washington on the Nixon Impeachment Investigation. Along with Betsey, Sara had helped guide her career in the right direction and had been one of her firmest supporters throughout the years. Hillary was certain she could always rely on her to be in her corner. Or so she thought.  
  
“Did you know about this?” Hillary demanded, her eyes flashing furiously as she slammed onto the desk the newspaper carrying the glaring headline announcing Bill’s intention to run for president. Sara glanced at the paper and took a breath before looking up with a well practiced neutral expression.  
  
“No. Not until last week.” She admitted breezily and Hillary’s face fell in shock.  
  
“You knew!? And you let me go out there on the exact same day as him and declare my candidacy?”  
  
“Well I didn’t know he was going to announce today!”  
  
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“I didn’t want to give you any cause of distraction.” Sara sighed and softened her usually firm voice a little. “I know what he meant to you.”  
  
Hillary faltered a little but didn’t let it show. She wasn’t about to let those feelings out of their tightly locked cage again, not after working so hard for so many long years to bury them there. She sank down in the chair opposite Sara’s desk and snatched back the newspaper.  
  
“I don’t need you or anyone else to monitor what you think I can and can’t handle knowing about my own campaign. I’m not made of glass. And I’m certainly not some silly little schoolgirl who’s going to be struck dumb at the very mention of her ex boyfriend’s name, understood?”  
  
Sara nodded with a hint of a smile. There was that fiercely headstrong Hillary Rodham that she knew so well.  
  
“So…you’re okay? With this, with running against him?”  
  
“Well I don’t really have much of a choice now do I.” Hillary shut her eyes briefly and brought her hands up to her temples, massaging them a little with a heavy sigh. “Maybe I should call him? Give us a chance to properly talk and finally close the door on the past before the cutthroat of the campaign fully starts up?”  
  
Sara forced a smile. “Whatever you think is best.”  
  
“Will you give his office a call and set something up?”  
  
“Of course honey.” Sara nodded with a smile, having no intention of doing any such thing. She had already clocked the familiar look in Hillary’s eyes as she talked about him, noted the softening of her voice and the longing written across her face. After all the grueling work she’d seen this young woman put in year after year just to get herself to this point, she was not about to let her throw it all away by getting involved with Bill Clinton again.  
  
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to give her a little false assurance to ease things along a little. “If he wants to speak to you I’m sure he’ll set aside the time and make the effort.”  
  
Hillary nodded, grateful of her understanding and she stared out the window for a moment. Sara could sense her focus drifting already and she frowned, anxious not to let her dwell on this.  
  
“If you want my advice Hillary you’d be best off forgetting all about this little unexpected hiccup and just forging ahead like you planned. If Bill wants to get in touch with you then he will and in the meantime, you’ve got a lot of work cut out with this relentless campaign schedule of yours.”  
  
A couple of seconds passed before Hillary finally managed to drag herself back out of her thoughts and confirm her agreement.  
  
“You’re right.”  
  
“So I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for our first official campaign stop?”  
  
Her face broke into a beaming smile as the excitement set back in again from being momentarily overshadowed.  
  
“Absolutely!”  
  
Not long after Hillary left the office to fully prep herself for the following day, a fax came whirring through the machine. Sara glanced at the name signed at the bottom and snatched it up in an instant, her keen eyes quickly scanning down the page.  
  
**To the Head Office of the Rodham Presidential Campaign;**  
  
**Hi Hillary, it’s Bill. Well, I’ll admit this is a bit strange, right? But I think it’d be a good idea if we meet, talk in private a bit before the campaign season really takes hold. I know it’s been a long time but if we’re going to be back in each other’s lives then it’d probably be a good start to be civil. If you get your offices to speak to mine I can arrange to stop by Chicago whenever you have an opening in your schedule?**  
  
**Congratulations on the campaign launch by the way, I always knew how far your combination of heart and mind would take you - although I guess I’ll have to stop saying that now that we’re rivals!**  
  
**All the best, Bill.**  
  
**FROM THE DESK OF THE GOVERNOR OF ARKANSAS,**  
**WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON**  
  
Sara read the message twice, not missing the familiarity and even flattery. So, he definitely still harbored feelings for her then…this kind of distraction was the last thing Hillary needed. She glanced towards the closed door and made a split second decision, crossing over to the other side of the office and swiftly pushing the fax message through the paper shredder.  
  
Some things were best left buried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** I know it is a little bit of a stretch from reality that they would both announce without any knowledge of the other's intentions, but I wanted to bring them back into each others lives in the most dramatic way I could, and they did have people on both their teams working to keep that information from them so hopefully that justifies it a little it didn't come across as *too* unbelievable!


	13. Face To Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the encouraging comments on the last chapter, I'm really so glad the direction this is taking has been received well! Now, time for them to finally meet again...

Hillary’s campaign hit the ground running and as she expected, instantly invoked an intense amount of both fierce support and equally fierce opposition. Everywhere she went her mere presence was polarizing, her detractors desperate to tear her down and see her 'put back in her place', and her supporters awed by her and instantly pledging their loyalty by her side. The starkly mixed reception was fascinating to Hillary, and it reminded her every day of the history she was living with each and every step she took along the path she was now treading. But still, she was determined to keep her focus, to not allow herself to get distracted or overwhelmed by the sheer weight of all that she now represented to women everywhere and to run this race like any other candidate, even though she was anything but. 

Her campaign trail had begun it's route by making stops at local businesses and coffee shops where Hillary listened earnestly to the stories of the owners, being almost constantly stopped along the way by women young and old who poured their hearts out to her and told her just how much it meant for them to be able to support a woman for president. Hillary was a natural listener, and when she was giving someone her time they connected to her instantly and knew without a shadow of doubt that they held her full attention. From the warmth of her handshake to the assurance of her steady eye contact, they knew she was really listening and above all that she really cared as she took in their stories and pledged earnestly to do all that she could to help their situations.  
  
Speaking, on the other hand, she was less of a natural at. Her rallies, although largely filled to capacity, were met with quite the impassioned response. For starters she was heckled. A lot. Which in itself would not have bothered her if it weren’t for the very specific subject matter of the heckling. After all she thoroughly enjoyed debate and always held firm to the belief that listening to your critics and hearing another perspective and side to an argument was an important part of keeping yourself and your views in constant check, and that there was always something new to be learned on an issue. The problem was, the large majority of her loudest rally interrupters were not calling her out on her policy stances, but instead chanting sexist slogans, waving crude signs, and questioning her candidacy based solely on the fact that she was a woman seeking power.  
  
**_“If Hillary’s in the Oval Office, who’s in the kitchen?"_**

 ** _“We need a leader - not a bitch”_**  
  
**_“Keep PMS out of the White House"_**  
  
She had fully expected it of course, and although she’d been dealing with these types of attitudes towards women her entire professional life, albeit on a less public scale, she couldn’t help finding it a little crushing. America had come a long way over the last decades, but she was seeing more and more every day that when it came to challenging women’s roles, the country still had quite a long way to go.  
  
One particular afternoon a man was removed from her crowd for repeatedly interrupting her rally by yelling degrading comments, urging her to strip and tossing dollar bills at her. Hillary had held her ground and brushed the incident off with a joke about throwing money away in the current economy, and continued with her speech apparently unruffled. But the constant barrage of sexism was beginning to grate on her and after her speech concluded she left the stage feeling deflated and wondering if she’d made a mistake, that maybe it was too soon for America to accept a female commander in chief after all.  
  
She made her way down the rope line that afternoon simply going through the motions, a brief handshake and a smile as quick as she could get away with as she longed to slip away from public view for the day and sink into the relative comfort of her hotel room bed. Hillary had almost made it to the end of the line when a young girl jumping up and down and waving at her caught her attention. She looked no older than six or seven, with her hair tied into pigtails with purple ribbon and a wide toothy smile that Hillary found to be instantly infectious, bringing a genuine smile to her face for the first time that day as she bent down to talk to her.  
  
“Hello little lady! What’s your name?”  
  
“Destiny!”  
  
“Destiny, what a wonderful name! It’s good to meet you!”  
  
The girl smiled, her bright eyes not leaving Hillary's as she stared up at her and was suddenly overcome by a wave of shyness. The older woman she was with, whom Hillary guessed to be her mother, slipped her hand into the little girl’s and gave her a nod of encouragement which seemed to do the trick in bringing her enthusiasm back to the surface again.  
  
“You can tell Senator Hillary what you wanted to say honey.”  
  
The girl toyed with the oversized sleeves of her warm winter coat for a moment before grinning back up at Hillary again. “Miss Hil-ry, before you were running for president I didn’t know girls were even allowed to be president, but I’m glad they are. Thank you for showing everybody that girls can be president too!”  
  
Hillary felt her heart and spirit lift with joy as she smiled back at the little girls excited expression, beaming with all the reasons why Hillary knew she was doing this in the first place. It only took one encounter like that to remind her that it was all worthwhile, that although quite possibly it might always be too soon for some people to accept a female commander in chief, that was precisely the very reason why she couldn’t wait for them. With her conviction and determination renewed, she pressed on.

  
_____________________________

  
  
Despite the rigorous nature of the campaign keeping her busy at a level that would drive most people to exhaustion, the one thing still never far from her thoughts and persistently nagging at the back of Hillary’s mind, was Bill. She’d asked Sara just as many times as she deemed casually acceptable whether or not he had called back, and Sara eventually told her that he apparently didn’t have the time to fit her in, which in Hillary’s mind, was just plain rude. _What, was he too good to even speak to her now? Was she not important enough to be granted a few minutes of the mighty Governor of Arkansas’ precious time?_ With each day that went by Hillary found herself getting more and more irritated whenever she allowed her thoughts to wander to the subject until finally, she’d had enough of the waiting around. Hillary didn’t do waiting very well. She was a woman of action, and one afternoon after a campaign event in Nashville, action was exactly what she decided to take.  
  
“Betsey what time is the town hall tomorrow?” She raised a questioning eyebrow to the darker haired woman sat beside her as they sped along the dusty roads of Tennessee, flipping through their schedule.  
  
“8am start, so 7am pickup from your hotel.”  
  
“And there’s nothing scheduled in for the rest of tonight?”  
  
“Nope, just travel time. Why, did you want to try and fit something else in?”  
  
“Sort of…just a brief detour,” Hillary hesitated, “How far out of our way is Little Rock?”  
  
Betsey conferred with the driver for a moment before turning back to Hillary. “A couple hours out of our way, but workable into our schedule. Why, did you want to stop off there?”  
  
Hillary nodded firmly in a way that discouraged any further questioning. “Call the hotel and change our check in time. We’re making a detour to the Clinton Campaign Headquarters.”

  
  
_____________________________

  
  
The sun had already set by the time the car finally reached its destination in Little Rock, something of which both Hillary and her team were silently profoundly grateful for. Under the safe cover of darkness there was at least a significantly lesser chance of the press spinning out a story of this visit, and Hillary luckily managed to slip into the Clinton Campaign Headquarters undetected.  
  
As she stepped inside the sleek building she couldn’t help feeling hit with a wave of nostalgia as she remembered Bill’s very first campaign headquarters. The blue lettering they had painted on the walls together, the chaotic hive of activity as volunteers manned the two telephones which struggled to handle the vast quantity of incoming calls, and the overtaxed coffee machine and the unending piles of flyers stacked onto each desk. Although the running of things had definitely stepped up a gear since then, Bill's offices still held the same type of feel to them and for a moment, Hillary felt as though she was right back in 1974 again.  
  
She approached the reception desk slowly as her brain worked into overdrive trying to come up with a credible story accounting for her unannounced presence, when suddenly she recognized the familiar face slouched in the chair there.  
  
_“Peter?”_  
  
Peter looked up and almost dropped the Chinese takeout carton he had been eating from in shock.  
  
“Hillary?” He blinked in disbelief, before breaking into an awkward smile, “oh my god...long time no see! How are you doing?”  
  
“I’m very well thank you, how are you and your family, how's your mom?”  
  
“Great, she's great we’re...great…” Peter’s voice trailed off until he suddenly realized that he was somewhat gawping at her like a goldfish. “Sorry! It’s just, well I wasn’t expecting to see you here. So what brings you to our neck of the woods?”  
  
“I’m here to see Bill.” She stated bluntly. From her tone of voice Peter knew that it wasn’t a request.  
  
“Erm…right…of course.” He just about managed to bite his tongue and stop himself from asking a thousand burning questions and hastily nodded towards the security team to allow Hillary access to the rest of the offices. She flashed him a grateful smile before steeling her expression again and marching through the doors, her heart racing inside her chest with every stride she took as she headed towards the door at the end of the hall inscribed with gold lettering proudly spelling out the name _**William Jefferson Clinton.** _  
  
She hesitated at the door handle for a moment, wondering whether or not she should knock and announce herself first. The last thing she needed was to make a bad impression on Bill's staff as the crazed ex. She carefully listened out for any voices on the other side of the door but it all appeared quiet, and so Hillary decided to go with her gut instinct and stick to her original approach, swinging open the door with a formidable force and abruptly storming in.  
  
“Right, here’s how this is gonna go-“ She barged through the doorway with an instantly commanding presence and Bill, who had been leaning back with his feet propped up on top of his desk, almost toppled out of his chair in utter shock as he came face to face with Hillary Diane Rodham for the first time in seventeen years.  
  
“So seeing as you’ve made it perfectly you’re not willing to be civil with me, let’s just get a few things straight and then I’ll get out of your way. Obviously this is hardly ideal but whatever, you run your campaign and I’ll run mine. We’ll stay well out of each other’s way and we won’t have anything to do with each other until we absolutely have to. And above all, we underplay any allusions to our previous relationship when the press finally catches word of it, because those types of stories surfacing aren’t going to do either of our campaigns any good, got it?”  
  
Bill was stunned into silence as she delivered her piece, hands dominantly resting on her hips and for a brief moment Bill wondered if he was dreaming. He blinked a couple of times in disbelief. No, she was really here, stood before his very eyes larger than life and apparently with a bone to pick. His eyes raked quickly down her body, unable to deny himself the chance of drinking her in again after all these years. In many ways she had hardly changed at all, the same sparkling blue eyes burning into him, the same rosy apple cheeks now adorned with blusher. Or maybe it was just her heated fiery rant that had flushed her skin. He noted that her hair was lighter and more neatly styled as it was cut just above her shoulders, and someone had clearly staged an intervention into her wardrobe as there was not a baggy sweater or a work shirt in sight and she was now dressed in a smartly tailored red skirt suit which perfectly outlined every single curve of her figure.  
  
He eventually managed to bring his gaze back up to lock with hers, and their eyes finally connected for the first time in almost two decades. Despite the flashing anger currently reflected in hers, an undeniable bolt of electricity passed between them and they both found themselves wondering if the other had felt it too.  
  
“Hillary.” Bill finally stammered, his brain failing to come up with anything else coherent as he struggled to overcome his shock and pull himself together.  
  
Hillary felt a little annoyed that this was the only response her grand speech had managed to evoke, although his clearly flustered reaction to her presence did not go unnoticed by her. She brought her arms up from her hips to her chest and crossed them defensively.  
  
“Did knocking on doors go out of fashion along with perms?” Bill finally joked feebly and Hillary intensified her glare.  
  
“Really? That’s all you’ve got to say?”  
  
He folded his own arms against and matched her stance, trying determinedly to work her out. He couldn’t deny he had been disappointed when she hadn’t returned his request to meet and smooth things over, but after the way he had left things between them he supposed he couldn’t blame her for wanting nothing more to do with him. Now though, she seemed all fired up and on the attack against him and he just couldn’t seem to suss out her angle. After all as far as he was aware, she was the one who had ignored him.  
  
“Well what do you want me to say Hill?”  
  
“Senator Rodham.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s Senator Rodham.”  
  
“Oh,” he paused. “Fine, sorry _senator_.”  
  
She didn’t like the way his tone dragged out the word ‘senator’ and she huffed out a sharp breath.  
  
“Look, I get the message. In fact I got the message seventeen years ago. You don’t want me in your life fine, I got over it. But like it or not we’re running against each other for the highest office in the land now, and so I think we at least owe it to the American people to be adults about this.”  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her as she stared daggers right back into him.  
  
“You seem angry.”  
  
“And why would I be angry?” She snapped back defensively, well aware that she had just proved his point entirely.  
  
“I don’t know you tell me. You’re the one ignoring my messages then barging in here unannounced at this ridiculous hour of the night.”  
  
The force inside of her driving their confrontation faltered a little, although she tried not to let it show. _Messages? What messages?_ Was he trying to mess with her head now?  
  
“Look don’t play games with me Clinton, if you didn’t want to see me you could have at least had the nerve to say it but fine. At least we both know where we stand now. I won’t trouble you with any more calls.”  
  
“What are you talking about? I never got any calls from you in the first place?”  
  
She rolled her eyes, her trust in Sara's assurances making her feel certain he was lying. “Whatever. Just stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours.”  
  
Bill stepped out from behind his desk and squared up closer to her. “Well now that is a funny request coming from the woman who just traveled god knows how many miles out of her way just to have it out in my office, isn’t it?”  
  
Hillary felt herself go slightly red and she could almost feel his hot breath brushing against her skin as he spoke. Her breath hitched in her throat as she allowed herself to finally take a proper look at him. His once bushy brown hair was now trimmed and greying but still every bit as thick, and there were more lines around his eyes betraying his years, but still the same brilliant blue shining back at her with that very same schoolboy gleam he had apparently never lost.  
  
“Don’t flatter yourself!” She finally scoffed back. “I was in the area.”  
  
“Of course you were.” He smirked as his eyes bore into hers and for a moment Hillary swore she could feel the temperature rising around them before she stifled it back down again. He didn’t see her in that way anymore, she reminded herself firmly.  
  
“Look, I didn’t come here for a fight.”  
  
“Didn’t you?”  
  
She ignored the challenging tone of his goading and cleared her throat.  
  
“I just need to know that you’ll be discreet about our history together. I’m sure we’ve both got some stories we could tell that don’t exactly paint each other in a glowing light.”  
  
“Is that a threat, Senator Rodham?”  
  
The smirk on his face was slowly infuriating her.  
  
“It’s a promise.”  
  
He left her hanging for as long as he dared before finally uttering his response. “Of course I’ll be discreet. You really didn’t need to come all the way here just to tell me that.” He inched ever closer to her once more, the heat between them rising again. “Unless of course, there was another reason you wanted to see me…?”  
  
She shook her head in disbelief at the sheer audacity of his apparent ego.  
  
“Like I said, I was in the area.”  
  
They stayed locked on one another’s eyes for just a moment too long and the tension hung thick in the air between them before Hillary finally turned sharply on her high heel, marching right back out of the offices with every ounce of force she had entered with. Yet as she walked away she felt his gaze following her with every stride she took and as she headed back towards the exit she felt her blood surging hot beneath the surface.

Even after all these years, she hated how quickly Bill Clinton had gotten back under her skin.


	14. First Debate

The lights went down as the moderator concluded the first democratic primary debate and there was an almost audible sigh of relief amongst the six candidates as the audience began to filter out of the hall. The seasoned politician’s game faces remained immaculately intact as they courteously shook hands with one another, knowing the television camera’s were still closely trained on them and watching their every move as a great deal of discussion from the commentators ensued. Bill warmly shook the hands of each candidate with a well rehearsed smile; Senator Harkin, former Governor Brown, Senator Kerrey, Governor Wilder, and finally, Senator Rodham. Hillary. From the second she had walked onto the debate stage 90 minutes earlier Bill knew he was going to have to work doubly hard to keep his focus and ensure the flow of blood to his brain wasn’t diverted to a different organ. It was the first time he had seen her since that evening she had explosively tumbled into his office several weeks earlier, and so he simply couldn’t resist stealing just one quick glance at her before firmly getting his head back in the game.  
  
She was dressed in another skirt suit. Black this time, with subtle gold detailing along the front of the open blazer which revealed a soft white camisole underneath. It wasn’t exactly tight, but it was certainly nicely figure hugging and showed off the enticing curve of her hips in contrast to her impossibly slim waist. Her hair was neatly styled and far cry from the wildly untamed chestnut brown curls Bill remembered so well from when they were young. It looked even lighter now than he’d ever seen it under the searing glare of the studio lights, shining perfectly golden as it fell just above her shoulders perfectly framing her face. She smiled with a self assured confidence as she squared up to her podium and her presence was instantly magnetic, automatically capturing the attention of everyone in the room without ever needing to demand it. Bill felt slightly weak at the knees just watching her.  
  
He had half hoped to catch her eye, but her focus was firmly on the moderators and Bill could tell from her steely look of determination that nothing was going to distract her. Fine. He shifted his own focus back on the reason they were all standing there in the first place and ran over his opening statement in his head as he waiting his turn, trying his utmost not to think about the woman standing to his right.  
  
The primary focus of the debate was the economy, one of Bill’s definite strengths and from the moment the debate kicked off he launched confidently into his proposals to cut the deficit, seamlessly emphasizing middle class and new enterprise tax cuts and tax increases on the wealthiest 1.2% of Americans.  
  
The only time his focus shifted was when Hillary was speaking. He glanced in her direction making every effort to keep his expression neutral, casual and professional, masking the complete awe he felt for her as she laid out her proposed plans. Hillary answered the questions posed by the moderators and delivered each of her points with eloquence and precision and perhaps most impressive of all, a real genuine sense of real care, something that was distinctly lacking in a couple of the other candidates currently sharing the stage with them. She effortlessly weaved in the importance of universal healthcare coverage and it’s relation to economic growth, drawing on statistics of stress prevention in the workplace and it’s costly effects which Bill hadn’t even heard of, and he made a mental note to look into them himself. _She always did do her homework,_ Bill thought to himself with a smile.  
  
Some things never change.    
  
Still, as Hillary stared off determinedly into the audience Bill couldn’t shake the feeling that she had been purposely avoiding his gaze all evening, and as the debate drew to a close and he finally reached out to shake her hand his suspicions were solidly confirmed. As their palms connected Hillary aimed her smile at the empty space above Bill’s shoulder, not meeting his eyes yet giving the well calculated illusion to the watching cameras of a perfectly normal interaction.  
  
The last thing Hillary wanted was to lose her composure in front of the millions of watching eyes of the American people, and as her hand connected with Bill’s and she felt his touch sending bolts of electricity through her for the first time in almost twenty years, she knew she had been right to be cautious. Hillary dropped Bill’s hand after one firm shake and made a conscious effort not to betray the increase of her heart rate and the heat now surging through her. She stepped aside to shake hands with the moderators and thank them before the candidates were finally permitted to leave and she was free to bolt from the stage.  
  
_This is just ridiculous,_ Bill frowned after her, unable to believe she hadn’t even been able to bring herself to so much as look at him. He quickly gave his final round of thank you’s and farewells and left the stage in pursuit of her. Several people had stopped to congratulate her on her performance along her way and so luckily for him she had only made it as far as halfway down the corridor. As soon as Hillary saw Bill approaching her she thanked the person she was talking to and continued her fierce march towards her holding room. Considering the heels she was wearing, she had really picked up quite an impressive speed and Bill almost had to break into a jog in his efforts to catch up with her.  
  
“Well now I know how Medusa felt.” Bill murmured against her ear as he finally gained enough ground on her to pace by her side.  
  
Hillary kept on walking with a roll of her eyes, trying her best to ignore him but her curiosity was piqued. She knew she was instantly going to regret asking yet somehow she couldn’t quite help herself falling straight back into his orbit anyway.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Medusa.” Bill repeated, as if she hadn’t already heard him the first time. “Greek mythology. Anyone who looked directly at her would turn to stone.”  
  
“I know who she is.” Hillary hissed impatiently.  
  
“I just figured you must have got me and her confused, seeing as you flat out refused to look in my direction for the entire duration of the debate.”  
  
“Oh well I’m sorry I must have missed the memo that eye contact with the Governor of Arkansas was a compulsory element of debate participation.” Hillary snapped back at him, finally turning around in his direction and piercing her gaze directly into him.  
  
“See that wasn’t so hard now was it?” Bill smiled smugly and Hillary gritted her teeth in annoyance as she realized she’d done exactly what he’d wanted her to.  
  
“Look, I don’t really have anything more to say to you so if you’ll excuse me,” she tried to push past him but he was now blocking her path.  
  
“Well you sure had plenty to say to me a few weeks ago.”  
  
Hillary flushed scarlet and silently questioned not for the first time what on earth she’d been thinking that night she had barged in and confronted him. She was never usually so impulsive, but Bill Clinton had a way of taking her clear and level-headed thinking and turning it right on it’s head.  
  
Bill noticed her blush and couldn’t help feeling endeared and slightly thrilled by it. Clearly he still had an effect on her too.  
  
“Yes well… I guess that means there’s nothing left for me to say now then doesn’t it.” She tried determinedly to step around the other side of him but he shifted into her way yet again and she glared up at him in frustration.  
  
“Can you just let me pass?”  
  
“I haven’t said what I wanted to say yet.”  
  
“And what’s that then?”  
  
“Give me a chance!” He chuckled at her fierce attempts to circle round him until she finally begrudgingly stood still long enough to listen to him. “I just wanted to tell you I thought you were really impressive tonight that’s all. The debate I mean. You really gave us a run for our money.”  
  
“Oh…” Hillary was thrown by his sudden flattery and wasn’t sure quite what to make of it. “Thanks.”  
  
An awkward silence fell and neither really knew what to say. A rarity for them. “Well anyway I still really need to be going so-” Hillary made one last attempt to step past him and he finally let her go this time.  
  
“Oh come on Hillary can’t we at least be civil?”  
  
“It’s Senator Rodham. And that’s a little rich coming from the man who ignored my calls when I made the effort to ensure things weren’t awkward between us.”  
  
Bill groaned. “For the last time, I never got any calls! Why would I ignore you?”  
  
“I don’t know, I gave up trying to understand why you do anything seventeen years ago!”  
  
_Well, he definitely deserved that one._ The sharp sting of her tongue apparently hadn’t gotten any less biting over the years.  
  
“Look I’m telling you now that I didn’t receive a call, I was the one who wanted to meet with you!”  
  
“Well that’s _funny_ because Sara told me that she called your office multiple times and that you didn’t have the time to see me.”  
  
Sara. A penny dropped in Bill’s mind and he suddenly understood why they had got off to such a rocky start. “Sara Ehrman?”  
  
“Yes.” Hillary folded her arms annoyed. “Why?”  
  
“No reason. Is she working on your campaign then?”  
  
“Running it, actually.”  
  
Everything seemed to fall into place a little as Bill remembered Sara and he suddenly realized why Hillary was so angry with him. Well, one of the reasons why anyway.  
  
“I bet she wasn’t all that happy when she found out that I was running against you.”  
  
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“Oh come on, she was never exactly my biggest fan was she.”  
  
“Well can you blame her?” Hillary scoffed, “her trying to talk me into leaving you was practically a daily occurrence back then. Turns out I should have listened to her all along.”  
  
Bill held his breath as he dared to ask his next question. “So why didn’t you then?”  
  
Hillary bit her tongue inside her mouth as she stared back up at him, her bright eyes slightly and older darker now, swimming with memories and sadness and for a moment Bill could see all of it so clearly reflected in the depths of those baby blues.  
  
_Don’t make me say it._  
  
“You know why.”  
  
Of course he did.  
  
Regret hung in the air between them, lingering like the heaviest fog they could barely see out from anymore. They both had so much they wanted to say yet none of the words to say it with, and so they resigned themselves instead to silence as they locked on each other’s gaze and just for a moment, it was like no time had passed at all.  
  
“Sorry to interrupt.” Sara’s voice suddenly cut sharply through the atmosphere, shattering the moment and bringing them both firmly back down to earth and reminding them exactly where they were and just how far they were from where they used to be.  
  
“Betsey needs to speak with you in the holding room Hillary.”  
  
Hillary exhaled sharply and finally forced her gaze away from Bill’s.  
  
“Thank you Sara, I’ll be right there.”  
  
She walked down the remaining length of the corridor and turned the corner, leaving Sara and Bill alone.  
  
 “Bill…”  
  
“Sara…”  
  
Neither made the effort to hide their contempt as they looked each other up and down with distaste. Bill could feel Sara’s piercing eyes drilling into him so glaringly he was surprised she wasn’t burning holes into him.  
  
“I do hope you’re not planning on dragging up the past.” Sara finally spoke, a distinct warning tone in her voice. “Because the last thing Hillary needs right now is anymore upset at the hands of you.”  
  
“Is that why you didn’t give Hillary my message then lied to her about the calls and me not wanting to see her?”  
  
Sara glanced over her shoulder to check no one had overheard, but she didn’t bother denying it. “She’s better off without you Bill, just look at everything she’s done, all that she’s achieved.”  
  
“And you really think she couldn’t have done all this and still been with me?”  
  
Sara let out a disparaging laugh. “Do you?”  
  
Bill wasn’t sure he really knew the answer to that anymore.  
  
Sara inched closer towards him with an air of intimidation. “Look, just back off from her. You haven’t seen how hard she’s worked herself to get to this point, she doesn’t need you confusing her now. Whatever happened in the past stays there, okay.”  
  
“Is that your way of telling me to keep my mouth shut about the part you played in how things ended between me and Hillary?”  
  
“Well that’s up to you.” Sara replied in a way that clearly implied the exact opposite. “If you want to be the one responsible for opening up those wounds then be my guest. I’m certainly not going to be the one to hurt her with all of that again.”  
  
“So… she doesn’t know then? That you told me to leave her?”  
  
“No.” Sara pressed her lips together. “And it’s going to stay that way. Understood?”  
  
“Fine.” Bill eventually snapped back. _We’ll see._  
  
The two stared each other down for a moment longer before Sara turned to leave, satisfied that she’d got her message across loud and clear.  
  
“So was it worth it then?” Bill suddenly called after her, curiosity getting the better of him after all these years. “Splitting us up?”  
  
Sara spun back around and narrowed her eyes at him as though it was a ridiculous question. “Just look at everything she has Bill. There’s your answer.”  
  
“Sure. I can see everything that she has. I can also see everything that she doesn’t have.”  
  
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“She never married? Started a family?” Bill stated it as more of a fact than a question. He’d read up on Hillary’s record the night after she’d burst into his office and he couldn’t help noticing the complete lack of any mention of a significant other.  
  
“No. Her work kept her busy enough.”  
  
Bill let out a sharp breath, but he wasn’t sure whether he felt more relieved or sad that she’d apparently been alone all this time.  
  
“Okay then answer me this; is she happy?”  
  
“She’s fulfilled in her career. That’s all she needs to be happy.”  
  
Bill shook his head in disbelief. “If you believe that then you really don’t know Hillary at all.”  
  
“Oh and you do I suppose?” Sara challenged, her eyes now flashing angrily. “Then man who dropped her and hasn’t seen or heard anything from her in the best part of twenty years?”  
  
“Yes, I do actually. Well enough to know that it was _everyone else_ who always thought she wanted to be this high powered career woman. She was never the one who wanted that. Not just that anyway. She only ever wanted to be herself, to pursue her ambitions _and_ build a life for herself, to have a family and children and balance. _That_ was all she ever wanted and you snatched that chance away from her and filled her head with the promise of a one-track career ladder you clearly never managed to climb yourself.”  
  
Sara’s expression suddenly darkened. “Let’s get one thing crystal clear here Bill; I didn’t take anything from Hillary, _you did_. I never forced you to leave her heartbroken, that was all you. So don’t you dare go shifting the blame onto me to ease your own conscience.”  
  
“I never would have left her if you hadn’t put the idea into my head in the first place!" Bill yelled back. "You wore me down until I felt I had no other choice.” The truth of her words were only making him angrier still. Although whether his anger was directed more at her or himself, he wasn’t completely sure.  
  
“Oh really? And can you honestly tell me that I was the first one to bring up the idea that you were ruining her life? Not one single other person ever even hinted at the fact you were holding her back and making her miserable? Hm?”  
  
Bill faltered and Sara knew she had him.  
  
“I didn’t think so.” She smirked triumphantly. “Now if you really want what’s best for Hillary, you’ll leave her well alone. She’s moved on with her life Bill, I suggest you do the same.”  
  
Sara turned on her glossy high heels and started to walk away, but Bill wasn’t so easily intimidated this time. If this was his second chance then he was sure as hell he wasn’t about to back down like before.  
  
“No.” Bill shouted after her, and she swiftly spun back around.  
  
“No?”  
  
“I let you talk me into losing her once already Sara, I’m not about to make that same mistake of listening to you again.”  
  
Sara clenched her jaw, seething with anger boiling to the surface but she just about managed to bite back whatever cutting remark she had been about to retort with. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. After all, she knew how devastated Hillary had been at their breakup, she didn’t think Bill fared much of a chance winning her back after all that history.  
  
_But you really don’t know Hillary at all._  
  
“She isn’t yours to lose anymore Bill. I’m afraid you’re much too late for that.  
  
“You’re sure about that, are you?”  
  
The steadfast determination in Bill’s eyes made Sara slightly uncomfortable, and she flashed one final false smile in his direction before turning her back on him and and striding away down the corridor.  
  
“See you at the next debate, Bill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is slightly slow moving but the truth is starting to find it's way out and they are on their way to finding themselves back together, I promise! Thank you so much everyone who leaves such kind and supportive comments, they always encourage me to press on with this so much 
> 
> also - the next chapter may be slightly delayed as I'm determined to finally finish and post a oneshot I've been neglecting for far too long, and I figured a little bit of smut would be a welcome break from all the angst and conflict happening in this one so that will be the next thing I post!


	15. Christmas Past and Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little happy flashback in here as a break from all the tension. Also ~ I realize the plot is moving relatively slowly but I promise the next two chapters will have quite a few...developments...after this lead up!

_December 24th 1991, Chicago_  
  
Hillary sat perched on a stool next to the sink with her mother, both working their way through peeling a gigantic bag of potatoes as the warming smell of chestnut stuffing filled the modest family kitchen. In the next room, Hillary could hear the faint voices of her brothers cheering and yelling at a baseball game on television and the familiar sounds brought a smile to her to face. During the weeks leading up to Christmas Hillary’s campaign schedule had been so grueling that she’d barely had the chance to catch her breath, and the respite of a few days back at home for the holidays had been a very welcome break indeed.  
  
“You know I’m still getting so many calls from friends wanting to congratulate you on the debate darling! I even overheard your dad and some of his old friends from the print plant admitting they were impressed, and that’s coming from lifelong republicans!”  
  
“Really?” Hillary laughed in disbelief, and Dorothy nodded. “Perhaps we’ll make a democrat out of dad yet!”  
  
They both chuckled at that, knowing full well that hell was likely to freeze over before Hugh Rodham became a democrat. Still, knowing her father had spoken highly of her meant the world to Hillary as he was not one to dish out praise lightly, if at all.  
  
“It’s nice to be home.” Hillary sighed contently as she reached for the vegetable knife and began quartering up her pile of already peeled potatoes. “I feel like my feet haven’t touched the ground these last few weeks. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to wake up and not have try and remember which state I’m in!”  
  
“I’m glad to have you home too sweetheart. You’ve been working yourself so hard I’m grateful of any opportunity to have you safely back under my roof so I can feed you up a bit before you go flying off again.”  
  
Hillary rolled her eyes with a laugh. “I don’t think you need to worry about the feeding me up part mom, honestly you know the amount of local food I have to sample these days I’ll be lucky if I can get into my outfit for the next debate!”  
  
“Nonsense, there’s nothing of you! Really honey you make sure you enjoy all this food tomorrow, because none of those men on that debate stage with you will be worrying about their figures let me tell you!”  
  
“Very true!” She chuckled in agreement, but her eyes grew a little more distant at the mention of her opponents. Dorothy guessed exactly what was on her mind and she softened her voice as she tentatively tried to broach the subject.  
  
“It must be hard...”  
  
“It is.” Hillary nodded, not meeting her mother’s eye. “But it’s worth it. I’m used to working in a male dominated environment anyways, and you soon learn a few tricks on how to play them off against each other! Besides, once you get on the road and start meeting and hearing people’s stories firsthand it reminds you exactly what you’re fighting for and that it’s all more than worthwhile.”  
  
Dorothy smiled warmly, her heart beaming with pride for her daughter and the seemingly unending supply of kindness so deeply rooted in her unselfish character.  
  
“Well that’s simply wonderful to hear sweetheart, but that wasn’t exactly what I meant.”  
  
Hillary sighed, setting down her vegetable peeler for a moment and staring out of the window before softly confirming what her mother was thinking.  
  
“…Bill.”  
  
Dorothy watched her daughter’s expression change as a far off sadness clouded her usually bright eyes. This had been a strict no-go area of discussion for the past months, but Dorothy’s concern for her daughter had finally gotten the better of her ability to hold her tongue. She still remembered all too clearly the nights Hillary had spent crying after she returned home from Washington that fateful summer of 1974. She remembered all the pain and loss and uncertainty on her little girls face every single day as she worked to slowly build herself back up again, and the very last thing in the world she wanted was to see her come crashing down all over again.  
  
“I just wish I knew what game he was playing mom.” Hillary finally sighed, still not shifting her gaze from where it was fixed on the window out into the garden where everything was covered in a shimmering sheen of frost. “I mean I know he doesn’t have feelings for me, I’m not stupid, it just seems like…”  
  
Hillary’s voice trailed off and Dorothy reached for another potato to peel in silence, indicating to her daughter that she could take her time and that she was listening.  
  
“It’s like he’s flirting with me. I just can’t seem to work him out anymore. And I know it must be part of his political strategy to mess with my head or something-“  
  
“Do you really think he would do that to you? Stoop that low just to throw you off your game?”  
  
Hillary paused for a moment, considering. “I don’t think I really know who he is well enough to make that judgement anymore.”  
  
They both continued their vegetable peeling in silence until Dorothy finally spoke again.  
  
“If you want my advice honey; I’d really try not to second guess his motivations. I know you Hillary, and I know you’ll only end up driving yourself into exhaustion overthinking and worrying and you just can’t afford to be doing that now.” Dorothy walked over to the stove, lowering the temperature setting before turning back to her daughter. “Look, I know I’m not exactly Bill Clinton’s biggest fan after the way he treated you, but the past is the past. You’ve both changed and grown a lot since then, you’re older and wiser and both different people living different lives.”  
  
Hillary sighed, still not looking up from the potato she was slicing. “I suppose.”  
  
“Have you talked to him? Just properly, straight up, one-to-one talked? Worked out where you stand with each other?”  
  
“I tried.” Hillary winced a little at the memory. “But I think I might have come across a little more…forceful…than I intended.”  
  
Dorothy did her best to hide her amusement, being able to envisage all too clearly just how ‘forceful’ her daughter might have been. “I bet you gave him quite the surprise.”  
  
Hillary’s serious expression slowly crept into a small smile, finally allowing herself to see the funny side. “He almost fell off his chair when I burst into his office without warning.”  
  
“I can quite imagine.”  
  
Hillary broke into a burst of laughter and Dorothy was relieved to see some of the tension ease off her daughter’s shoulders for the first time since she arrived home.  
  
“Maybe you’ve just got things off on the wrong foot. Maybe what you really need is a clean slate with him. An open, honest discussion and a fresh start to put the past behind you once and for all and establish your new relationship as political rivals, rather than blurring the lines dragging up all that baggage of what you used to be to each other.”  
  
_Easier said than done. Still, it was worth a try..._  
  
“You’re right mom.”

_____________________________

  
Once the rest of the dinner prep was complete and the filled pots and pans were simmering away nicely on the stove, Hillary retired up to her childhood bedroom and curled up on the window seat to think. She looked out over the familiar view of her old street and remembered the many nights she had spent here as a little girl, gazing out at all the houses adorned with twinkling colored lights draped across roofs and through trees, emitting their warm glow through the pitch black cloak of the night. _Like magic,_ she had always commented to her mother back then. As she gazed at the frost tinted view through the window now she thought back over her conversation in the kitchen. As usual her mother had talked a lot of sense. _Maybe she had been clinging on to the past and not giving Bill a fair chance…maybe they did just need a fresh start as two professional adults._  
  
Her gaze drifted downcast towards the drawer tucked beneath the window seat and she hesitated before reaching down to open it, pulling out an old worn shoebox she had hidden there years ago, back when she had once again lived in this house after returning from Washington. She lifted the slightly tattered lid and allowed herself to indulge in the past one last time before she would firmly close the door on those feelings and move on. In theory.  
  
A whole multitude of memories met her eyes as she opened the box. Photographs, jewellery, little trinkets and gifts, an old cherished Christmas ornament, and plane and train tickets. All tucked away out of sight, but never forgotten. Hillary flipped through the photos, each one bringing a smile to her face and at the same time a tear to her eye. Her own carefree smile beaming back at her through the camera lens only reminded her just how much things had changed. She looked at Bill’s face too, so much younger and always so incredibly happy next to her, his eyes often not looking into the camera at all as he simply gazed at her in loving awe. Hillary wondered for the hundredth time what ever happened to that gaze. What she ever did to lose it.  
  
She shuffled through a few more snapshots until she found a Polaroid Bill had taken of her while they were cooking their very first Christmas dinner together in their tiny little kitchen in New Haven. They had been due to both fly out to Chicago to spend the holidays with her family that year, but bad weather had caused their flights to cancel and so instead they had set out together on their first Christmas endeavor of their own…  
  
_✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧_  
  
_December 25th 1971, New Haven_  
  
_“Smile pretty baby!” Bill called to his girlfriend from across the kitchen as she measured out ingredients, her eyebrows furrowed in a frown of intense concentration staring at the recipe book as the faint sound of Christmas carols playing on the radio filtered through the warm kitchen._  
  
_“I can’t smile Bill I’m measuring.” Hillary insisted, not looking up from the cups of flour and sugar she was carefully pouring into a mixing bowl. Bill snapped the photograph anyway, determined to capture how utterly perfect she looked to him in that moment. Her thick curly hair piled high on the top of her head, her glasses slightly steamed from the heat of the stove and a slight dusting of flour was smudged on the pink of her cheeks where she had touched her face. She was wearing one of his oversized Yale sweaters with an apron tied around her waist and red fluffy socks warming her feet from the cold kitchen tiles. Bill’s heart raced slightly faster inside his chest as he marveled for the hundredth time at how truly beautiful she was and how lucky he was that she loved him back._  
  
_“We don’t have any nutmeg!” Hillary suddenly announced, rooting through the top cupboard on her tippy toes. Bill scooted round to help her and pulled out a little brown box._  
  
_“Cinnamon is fine. I think. I mean it all smells the same to me anyway so how much difference could it make?”_  
  
_Hillary eyed him skeptically, but added the cinnamon all the same before thrusting the mixing bowl at him._  
  
_“Right, you take over mixing that - you just need to add the sweet potatoes then pour it into the pastry lined tin over there while I get started on the meat.”_  
  
_Bill couldn’t help smirking at that declaration, but Hillary missed the innuendo completely as she had already turned around to put all her focus into carefully tipping the ham into the roasting tin. Unsuccessfully._  
  
_“Bill it doesn’t fit!” She groaned in despair and Bill tutted with a mischievous glint in his eye._  
  
_“Not the first time you’ve had to say that to me is it baby?”_  
  
_Hillary rolled her eyes heavily and threw the kitchen cloth at him. “Oh you wish.”_  
  
_Bill pretended to be insulted and Hillary turned her attention back to giving the ham quite the fierce stare, determined to win her battle with it._  
  
_“Maybe we should cut it in half?” Bill suggested, “It’ll just about fit lengthways if we put the potatoes in a different dish.”_  
  
_She nodded and they quickly set to work rearranging the joint of ham until it finally they could finally just about cram it into the oven. Satisfied, Hillary was just about to shut the oven door when Bill’s hand suddenly flew out to stop her._  
  
_“Wait!”_  
  
_“What?”_  
  
_“Aren’t we supposed to…glaze it or polish it or something?”_  
  
_Hillary raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Polish it?”_  
  
_“Well I don’t know! But isn’t it meant to look…shiny?”_  
  
_“Doesn’t the oven make it shiny?”_  
  
_“Does it?”_  
  
_“Well I don’t know!”_  
  
_The blinked at each other in bewilderment for a moment, before abruptly and simultaneously racing to fetch the recipe book, both pairs of shining blue eyes competitively scanning down the page, determined to beat the other at finding what they were looking for._  
  
_“Honey!” Hillary suddenly exclaimed, her keen gaze landing upon the information just a split second before Bill did. “Honey roast ham - that’s what you glaze it with!”_  
  
_The jar of honey was located and after a quick effort of mixing and brushing the ham was finally put back into the oven, wedged slightly precariously on the bottom shelf beneath the vegetables and the sweet potato pie. The couple audibly sighed in relief as the oven door was closed and the timer was set. That was the difficult part over at least._  
  
_“So…” Bill slid his arm around his girlfriend’s waist and tugged her closer. “We’ve got exactly 60 minutes to kill before our culinary adventure continues, what should we do?”_  
  
_“Well, we could wash up?” Hillary teased, and Bill pulled a horrified face._  
  
_“That’s not very christmassy.”_  
  
_Hillary giggled, twirling a lock of dark hair between her fingers and inadvertently leaving a light trail of flour through her curls. “Well then what did you have in mind exactly?”_  
  
_She blinked at him suggestively from underneath her thick eyelashes and he grinned._  
  
_“Oh we’ll have plenty of time for that my girl, but first I’ve got a present for you.”_  
  
_He reached behind the radio where he had hidden a little box wrapped in shiny purple foil paper. Hillary peered at it curiously before casting her gaze back up at him._  
  
_“I thought we weren’t doing presents?”_  
  
_“I know, but it’s just something little, for both of us…it’s silly really.”_  
  
_He was turning slightly pink, which only increased Hillary’s intrigue. “I’m sure it’s not silly honey!”_  
  
_Bill motioned for her to open it and she carefully tore the wrapping paper away and lifted the lid of the box. Inside was a white Christmas ornament with two snowmen painted on it, both smiling and clutching onto a red heart together._  
  
_“Do you like it?” Bill asked anxiously._  
  
_“Oh Bill, I love it!”_  
  
_“I know it’s just a little thing, but I thought it would be nice to mark our first Christmas together. I know we don’t even have a tree yet but I thought if we got each other an ornament each year, by the time we’re sharing our 50th Christmas together our tree is sure to be the envy of whatever retirement home we’re shuffling around in!”_  
  
_Hillary let out a ripple of laughter at that, but felt incredibly touched at the notion that he saw their futures woven together that far ahead._  
  
_“Thank you!” Her smile shone up at him and her eyes sparkled with so much love. “There’s really nobody else I’d rather shuffle around a retirement home with more than you!”_  
  
_They both laughed before she leaned forward and cupped her hands to his cheeks, gently pulling him in towards her lips as they softly kissed. Bill wrapped his hands around her lower back, pressing himself closer to her and she moaned against his mouth then let out a squeal of delight as he gripped her from underneath her thighs and lifted her up onto the kitchen counter. He started placing little kisses along her neckline and she giggled and gasped until he finally brought his lips back up to hers and recaptured them in a long and languid embrace._  
  
_“Merry Christmas Hilly baby.” He breathed softly against her ear as they finally pulled apart, resting their foreheads tenderly against each other._

_“Merry Christmas Billy.”_  
  
_✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧_

Further down south and unbeknown to Hillary, Bill was recounting the very same memory as he sat slumped on the sofa in his own mother’s house. The television was switched on to CNN coverage of the primary race when his younger brother Rodger came sauntering into the room.  
  
“God Bill will you stop watching this already!” He grabbed the remote control and switched the television firmly off. “It’s Christmas, do yourself a favor and have a drink and some pie and forget about politics for a few days. I’ve never known you so obsessed with opinion poll numbers.”  
  
Truth be told, Bill wasn’t really watching for the polling numbers at all, but rather for the coverage of the first debate and the chance to glimpse Hillary in action again. He had practically memorized all of her debate answers with the amount of times he’d watched it on repeat by now, his keen gaze noting every last detail from the soft blonde wisp of her hair that occasionally fell across her forehead when she looked down at her notes, to the way her little pink tongue kept darting out to wet her lips before she pressed them together while listening to each question intently. He remembered that particular habit of hers from their days at Yale, as it had been a common source of distraction for him when they had been in the same lectures and he found himself zoning out, completely captivated by her.  
  
Rodger finally conceded his efforts to shift Bill from the sofa and he left the room with a defeated sigh and an exaggerated roll of his eyes. Bill was glad to be left in peace and switched the television back on again but barely a minute later Peter came in, having been begged by Rodger and Virginia to stage an intervention and drag the eldest Clinton son back to the dinner table.  
  
“Don’t think I don’t know why you’re really watching this on repeat Bill.” Peter flashed his best friend a knowing look before sitting down in the armchair opposite him. “Why don’t you just call her?”  
  
Bill exhaled and slumped even deeper into the sofa. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”  
  
“Really?” Peter raised an eyebrow, “because that certainly wasn’t the impression I got when she came charging into the office that night.”  
  
Bill seemed to perk up a little at that reminder, but still ultimately shrugged it off. “She just wanted a fight.”  
  
“A lot of effort to go to just for a fight with someone if you don’t want to talk to them, if you ask me.”  
  
A slight glimmer of hope began to return behind Bill’s eyes as he processed that thought, and Peter continued pressing his case. “Look it’s not doing the campaign any good to have you moping around like a lovesick teenager. You’re in each other’s lives again now whether you like it or not, so for gods sake get your shit together Bill and just talk to her like an adult and clear the air.”  
  
“I already tried that!”  
  
“Well try harder!” Peter snapped back impatiently.  
  
“I can’t!” Bill despaired with his head back in his hands, “Sara’s already made it impossible for me to contact her. She’s the reason my fax never made it to Hillary in the first place. She’s determined to keep me from meddling in her campaign.”  
  
“Well call her at home then. She’ll be staying with Dorothy for the holidays right? You must still have her old home number?”  
  
Bill’s face suddenly lit up and he shot up off the sofa at a slightly alarming lightening speed. “Peter - you’re a genius!”  
  
“Well I’m glad to hear it.” Peter chuckled back. “Now would you please come and sit down already? Because your mother gave me strict instructions that if I didn’t snap you out of this and drag you to the table then I’m not getting any extra sweet potato pie, and there is no way you’re costing me that!”  
  
“I’ll be two minutes.” Bill promised with a grin. “I’ve just got to make a phone call first…”


	16. Strictly Professional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slight delay posting this, it was meant to be last night but ao3 was down and by the time it was back up again I was too tired to proof read! But anyway, this chapter took an insane amount of time to plan because what I thought was a cute idea turned out to be logistically a nightmare when it came to actually writing it down! But I think it was worth it and hopefully I managed to pull it off in the end.

The weeks following Christmas had not been good ones for the Clinton campaign. Controversy had emerged in the media about Bill avoiding the draft for the Vietnam War, and his polling numbers had hit their all time low after falling 20 points in New Hampshire in a matter of days. This was a great source of celebration for many in the Rodham campaign, but Hillary herself had very mixed feelings about the whole thing. Despite many of her staff urging her to speak out and publicly go after Bill on the subject of the draft, she firmly put her foot down and flatly refused to take that stance. As well as her own personal views on the subject and her determination to run a campaign built on issues not mud-slinging, Hillary also still remembered so very clearly the raw conversations she and Bill had shared late into the night together as students; how torn he was opposing the war and his misgivings about the draft, but also how much he loved his country. Although so many years had passed since then, she would never forget the honesty and emotion in his voice those nights and politics aside, she was adamant in her decision that she would honor that.  
  
Despite her own campaign schedule intensifying by the day, Bill seemed to be occupying rather a lot of her thoughts lately. Their phone call at Christmas had been brief but relatively civil. Progress at least. Following her mother’s advice, Bill had been overcome with delight when Hillary had agreed that it would be a good idea for them to meet to talk and try and get things off on the right foot this time. “On a strictly professional basis, of course.” He had said, and she had added her firm agreement.  
  
Strictly Professional. If only it were that simple.  
  
Several weeks had passed and January had already begun to thaw into February by the time both candidates finally found an agreeable gap in their schedules to meet, both passing through the same state at the same time and able to mutually spare the evening after a long day of campaigning and rallies.  
  
They had arranged to meet in Bill’s hotel room, as Hillary was coincidentally staying only several floors above him they were certain they could get away with her slipping into his room without being seen. The last thing they needed would be _that_ hitting the headlines.  
  
And so here she was, bottle of wine in hand, knocking on his door and wondering why on earth she felt more nervous than she had as a high school senior on her first date. Because after all, this was just strictly professional, of course.  
  
The door suddenly creaked open, shaking Hillary out of her anxious state and she smiled. Bill greeted her with the same slightly shy but oh-so-charismatic grin as he had in the spring of 1971 the very very first time she ever laid eyes on him.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Both seemed to forget where they were standing for a moment as they simply stared at each other in a slightly stunned silence until Bill suddenly snapped into action.  
  
“Sorry! Come in!” He led her into the room and quickly glanced up and down the corridor to check nobody had seen them. They were in the clear.  
  
“I wasn’t sure what to bring so I thought…” Hillary slightly awkwardly handed over the bottle of wine and he smiled.  
  
“Thanks. There’s beer in the mini bar too if you want. Or candy, whatever takes your fancy!”  
  
Hillary chuckled and accepted a glass bottle of beer as he led her to the couch.  
  
“I thought we could order in some food, seeing as we can’t exactly go out without being swarmed by press. Do you still like Mexican food?”  
  
Hillary nodded, feeling her heart flutter slightly that he still remembered and she reminded herself not to get carried away. _Strictly professional. That’s all this was._  
  
She took a sip of beer, grateful for the coolness of the liquid soothing her throat after a day of nonstop speaking at rallies and she searched for something appropriate to start the conversation.  
  
“So… How are things going?”  
  
Bill exhaled heavily before giving her a small yet weary smile. “I’m sure you know exactly how things are going.”  
  
“Well, yes…of course I do, I more meant how are you doing?”  
  
“I’m okay. Just looking ahead really. It’s all about the next eight days.”  
  
Hillary nodded, understanding all too well and another awkward silence fell between them. Bill stared at the floor for a moment before speaking again, determined to shift the uncertain atmosphere into something more comfortable.  
  
“How about tonight we don’t talk about the election or the campaign, none of that. How about we just _talk_. As us.”  
  
Hillary seemed a little caught off guard by that suggestion, but her expression quickly shifted into a smile and she nodded her agreement. “I’d like that.”  
  


_____________________________

  
The change in tact seemed to work wonders, and it wasn’t long before the two of them were sat down on the hotel room carpet, the room service feast spread out as a picnic on the floor between them as they began to talk and gradually relax back into each other’s company. The flow of alcohol no doubt helped ease things along a little and in fleeting moments, if they didn’t allow themselves to think about things too deeply it almost felt as though no time had passed at all.  
  
Yet in other moments the time that had elapsed was still painfully evident, and Bill was faced with that fact all too clearly as he recounted a story of a night they had spent at Yale alone in the library together till the early hours of the morning. Between the reminiscing and the laughter, Bill allowed the words “I’ve missed you” to slip out, and it broke his heart that Hillary seemed genuinely surprised to hear it.  
  
_After all, why would he miss her?_ The man who left her, decided he didn’t want to be with her and never looked back. As far as she knew at least.  
  
Bill felt weighed down by her reaction to his words and the reminder of the lie he had let them both live in for the past two decades. His chest tightened as he realized that even now, he was still lying. Still keeping the truth of why he really ended things from her. As much as he wanted to be open and honest with her there always seemed to be some part of the truth he had to withhold. The one constant theme of their relationship he hadn’t quite managed to break free of yet. Sure it was a different lie now, he’d gone from lying about his infidelities to lying about his feelings. But in the end, what did the specifics really matter? He could come up with a thousand excuses for himself and in the past he might have, but what good did that really do? He was still lying to her. With the best of intentions of course. But then hadn’t that always been the way.  
  
_Well not tonight,_ he suddenly decided with conviction. Tonight he was going to start being honest with her. As honest as he could be at least.  
  
“Hey let’s play a game.”  
  
“A game?” Hillary narrowed her eyes at him playfully, “what kind of game?”  
  
“Do you remember what we played that first summer we were together at Yale?”  
  
She raised her eyebrow with a grin. “I think we might be a little bit old for spin the bottle, Bill! Not to mention short on players, unless you fancy making out with the nightstand?”  
  
Bill went a little red as he laughed and shook his head. “Not _that_ game Hill, I was thinking more along the lines of…twenty questions. Give us a chance to fill in the blanks of the years we’ve missed.”  
  
Hillary seemed skeptical as she considered the idea, but nonetheless willing to play along. “Okay. But let’s do seventeen questions. One for each year we’ve missed, deal?”  
  
“Deal.”  
  
“Okay then. You start.”  
  
Bill shook his head with a grin. “Ladies first.”  
  
Hillary rolled her eyes at his convenient chivalry. “If you insist.” She thought for a moment, breaking off a piece of corn chip and popping it into her mouth as she decided on her question. An easy one, just to kick things off.

“Why did you ask me here tonight?”  
  
“I wanted to see you.” Bill answered truthfully. “I hated that we got off to such a bad start after all these years. I didn’t want things to be like that between us.” Hillary nodded and he paused, fighting back some of the more burning questions he longed to ask and for now settling with a straightforward one instead. “Are you glad you came?”  
  
“Yes.” She answered simply. “Are you?”  
  
“Definitely.”  
  
The game wasn’t exactly off to a flying start, and as Bill tried to rack his brains for something else to propel things in a slightly more animated direction his gaze suddenly shifted to her golden blonde locks. “So, why’d you change your hair?”  
  
Hillary scrunched up her face in laughter and the tension between them lifted along with it. “Bill!”  
  
“I’m serious! That’s my question, you gotta answer it!”  
  
She rolled her eyes at him but he couldn’t help noticing the blush rising to her cheeks a little. “I guess I just outgrew the old style. People kept on at me when I was first elected to the senate that I needed to make my image more ‘conventional’. In the end, it was easier to give in and change if it meant people would stop going on about it and finally pay attention to my work and not my hair.” He noticed the weariness in her voice as she recounted the story. “So anyway, my friend took me to a salon a few months before I ran for reelection and I found I quite enjoyed changing styles and color, so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste of time. Why, don’t you like it?”  
  
“I love it - it’s gorgeous!” The compliment rolled off his tongue so easily it caught both of them somewhat by surprise, the familiarity slowly creeping back in. “I always had a soft spot for your wild hair though. I still remember all the broken hairbrushes in our bathroom that finally met their match in those thick tangled curls.”  
  
She let out a ripple of laughter at the memory. “You know I still have that silver hairbrush you bought me after I broke the third wooden one!”  
  
His smile widened, genuinely touched that she remembered and still kept it after all these years.  
  
“So, is it true that blondes have more fun then?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she couldn’t help giggling before holding up her hand.  
  
“Uh-uh, you had your question. It’s my turn now.”  
  
He put on a childish pout in protest. “Hey I let your follow up question slide!”  
  
“Well I’m sure you won’t make that mistake again then!” She quipped back with a wicked grin. The mood between them was undoubtedly easing, but the blonde comment had sent Hillary’s mind reeling down a different train of thought. She took a long, slow slip of her drink as she tried to decide how best to phrase the next question that had lingered in the back of her mind for so long.  
  
“When you left…was there somebody else?”  
  
They both felt the atmosphere in the room shift and Bill swallowed as he tried to figure out how best to answer that question honestly.  
  
“I thought there could be…” He began slowly, desperately wanting to be as honest as he could be while still dancing around the crucial facts, “...but it didn’t ever work out.”  
  
Hillary nodded solemnly, not daring to pry for any more details than that.  
  
“What about you, you never married?” He nodded towards the empty space on her ring finger and she looked down at it wistfully for a moment.  
  
“I came close once…” She cast her mind back over her few failed attempts to fill the gap in her life that he had left behind. “But like you, it didn’t ever work out. I guess there was never really anyone else I could see myself settling down with like that.”  
  
His heart skipped a beat but he longed to reaffirm what she meant by ‘anyone else’ but if he was honest with himself, he didn’t really need to ask. Because there had never truly been anyone else for him either.  
  
“So you never married either I take it?” Her question cut through his thoughts and he shook his head.  
  
“No. Actually truth be told, you’re still the only person I’ve ever asked to marry me, Hillary.”  
  
She let out a tiny sigh of surprise at that and their eyes stayed connected for a moment before he asked his next question, one he had often wondered about.  
  
“Why didn’t you stay in Washington after I left?”  
  
Hillary hesitated. Still not quite ready to let go of her most deeply held secret that she had in fact failed the DC bar exam. Even after all these years the disappointment she felt in herself still lingered. _‘Almost good enough’_ was the mantra gifted to her by her father which still ran so deeply rooted in her and had only tightened its hold on her further following her own shame at that particular failure. _Almost, but never quite enough._  
  
“I needed a fresh start.” She finally settled on as her answer. Still the truth, if not quite all of the truth. “Just to be around people I knew and loved while I worked out where I was heading.” Bill nodded, observing the far off look in her eyes as she swirled her wine in her glass, memories rising through her mind as she gazed into the deep rich burgundy and pondered her next question before finally voicing it. “Did you ever think of me? After you left, I mean.”  
  
_God yes,_ he wanted to say, longing to tell her that in fact not a single day went by when she didn’t consume his thoughts and his heart but he knew that he couldn’t. That was another problem with lies, they always ended up blocking far more of the truth than you ever intended them to.  
  
“Of course.” He tried to pass it off as a casual answer instead but Hillary still registered the passion behind his voice. “I often wondered about you, if you were happy. I hoped you were.”  
  
Hillary scanned his eyes in earnest as he stared back at her, seeing all the distant and long-buried hurt rising to the surface all over again. He always had been the only one who was truly able to really _see_ her.  
  
“Did you hate me for leaving?” Bill’s voice came out surprisingly soft when he eventually took his turn again, not realizing until just then how desperately he needed to know.  
  
“I tried to at first.” Hillary admitted after a pause. “It certainly would have made things a lot easier if I had. But in the end… I don’t think I’ve ever been quite able to manage to hate you.”  
  
She let her words settle between them for a moment before continuing with her own question. “Did you regret it? Leaving?”  
  
The million dollar question. To her, a black and white statement with only two possible answers. To him, an unending debate he had wrestled back and forth with since the very first moment he'd made the decision on that fateful day, painted in a thousand shades of grey. Never just black and white and certainly never simple.  
  
“I don’t know…” He finally responded. “I mean, things did seem to work out so amazingly for you without me around.”  
  
“That wasn’t what I asked.”  
  
_How can you tell the truth if you don’t even admit it to yourself._  
  
“Yes.” He exhaled a slow deep breath before finally nodding solemnly. “I did regret it. I just…I don’t know. I really thought it was the right thing at the time.”  
  
The sheer weight of the silence that fell between them was slowly suffocating, and Bill decided he needed lighten the mood and steer the game in a less heavy direction.  
  
“Do you still leave the crusts off your pizza?”  
  
The tension was cut in an instant and Hillary’s face broke into a sunny smile as she laughed infectiously. “Of course! You know the crusts are just a means to an end to hold onto each slice with a better grip so you can concentrate on eating the _real_ part of the pizza.”  
  
“Scandalous.” Bill tutted and shook his head at her in mock disgrace. “You better keep that controversial opinion quiet on the campaign trail. You’ll be ostracized if the voters ever found out!”  
  
“I trust you to keep my secrets.” She winked back and he smiled, his thoughts wandering back to when they were young and he used to finish the abandoned crusts left on her plate for her. He briefly wondered about the nameless men who might have filled that role since.  
  
“Do you still play the saxophone?” She cut across his thoughts and snapped him back to the present with a grin, remembering the distinct effect his musical abilities used to have on her.  
  
“Oh sometimes. If the mood takes me… Not that I have much time for that anymore, what with traipsing across the country I don’t think I’ve even been in the same state as my saxophone for a good few months!”  
  
They laughed and Bill couldn’t help feeling slightly elated at being the one to bring that happiness to her face again, to see that beautiful smile light up and witness the flash of contrast between the soft pink of her lips and the crescent white of her teeth and know that he was the source of that joy. Hillary took another sip of her drink and her tongue slipped out to wet her lips as she swallowed and he watched, completely enamored with her.  
  
“Is being in politics everything you hoped?”  
  
She considered his question for a moment before answering. “I suppose. In all honesty I never really imagined I would ever get into politics…but then life doesn’t always work out the way you’d expect.” He nodded in deep understanding at that. “I’m glad I did get into it though. Knowing you can make a difference in peoples lives, not just talking change but really making change, that’s what keeps me getting up in the mornings even when it’s difficult and lonely, which as I’m sure you know it often is.” She paused, debating whether or not to delve any deeper. “I suppose that’s the part I find hardest. The loneliness. Especially when you’re campaigning. Never waking up in your own bed, all that responsibility resting on your shoulders and nobody to share it with… Do you find it lonely too?”  
  
Bill cast his mind back to his early years as governor, all the mistakes he had made then in his personal life and he gulped. They both knew they were back on shaky ground again.  
  
“Yeah… I, uh, struggled with it a lot at first especially. And I dealt with it in all the wrong ways of course, looking in all the wrong places for comfort. I guess that’s probably part of the reason I never got close enough to anyone else to ever consider a long term commitment. Relationships haven’t seemed to bring out the best in me.” _Except with you,_ he longed to add, but didn’t.  
  
She nodded in understanding, not pushing him for any further details, not least because she didn’t need to. She knew exactly what he was alluding to, knew his weaknesses well enough to read all the blank spaces of the information he hadn’t given and fill them in for herself, and she found she no longer felt angry at him. Time was a wonder in that respect, and her anger at his failings in this particular area had quite long since dissolved into empathy and a deeper understanding.  
  
His eyes were still locked on her, both now lost in the past and the lingering ghosts of their relationship in all its strife and all its beauty. Hillary’s next question burned on her lips impatiently but she knew she had to wait her turn as Bill asked his.  
  
“Do you ever think about what might have happened for us if I hadn’t…you know…”    
  
Hillary cast her gaze back down towards her glass. “Sometimes.” _All the time._ “But in the end I had to get on with my life, as much as I wished things had been different between us.”  
  
“Me too.” He confirmed, not fully realizing quite how much he had revealed in those two simple words. She looked back up at him and he could practically hear the cogs whirring in her brain as he waited for her final question.  
  
“Did you…did you ever get help?”  
  
Bill didn’t need to clarify what it was she was referring to, the care and concern written all over her face chipped away at him inside. He always had felt so undeserving being on the receiving end of the overwhelming extent of her love and compassion.  
  
“Yes.” He finally answered. “A while after I lost my re-election as governor because of all the, um, controversy.”  
  
Controversy. A far more tactfully chosen word for all his tabloid reported womanizing and sleeping around, but they both knew that was exactly what they were talking about.  
  
“Anyway, I uh, knew I couldn’t go on the way I was so I started seeing somebody. A counselor I mean. And my old church youth minister once a week too. It was kind of a painful lengthy process but…it helped. A lot actually. I knew I had to get out of that destructive cycle and deal with the root of the problem.”  
  
“I’m glad.” Hillary reached out instinctively and placed her hand over his in comfort, and she meant it. “I’m glad you found a way out of that.”  
  
Bill’s gaze followed her movements before he softly murmured out a final question, the tension now thick in the air.     
  
“Do you still have feelings for me?” He surprised even himself, not expecting to have ever dared ask, but by this point in the game the alcohol had lowered both of their inhibitions. With bated breath his heart felt caught in his chest as he waited for her response.  
  
Her eyes were giving away nothing and everything at the same time as she stared back at him intently, edging closer to his face before pressing a finger against his lips with a slight shake of her head and a coy smile. “I’m afraid _that_ , Bill Clinton, is your seventeen questions up.”  
  
“Damn.” He whispered back, his gaze never leaving hers as blue searched blue. Hillary’s eyes wandered down to where her finger was still touching his lips, as though she had only just noticed it resting there. She slowly dragged it away, curling it back towards her palm but her focus stayed fixed on his lips, hypnotized as they edged closer and closer together as if a magnetic pull was drawing them in until finally, they connected.  
  
The moment their lips touched time seemed to send them hurtling back seventeen years, as the kiss sent sparks through both of their bodies and they tasted the distant yet sweet and familiar never-quite-forgotten taste of each other, drinking each other in and barely able to get enough. Their hands tangled though the softness of each other’s hair and everything else around them seemed to melt away into nothing as they were lost to the rest of the world, if only for a moment.  
  
Despite the fact they were in a state neither of them lived in and an unfamiliar room they didn’t own, as their lips caressed against each other passionately and tenderly they were both acutely aware of the feeling that for the first time in a long time, they truly felt as though they were home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try my best to update this once more before Hillary's book comes out, because after that I'm pretty sure all my writing time is probably going to be all taken up by reading that! But I have written a little way ahead on this so hopefully there won't be too much of a delay and I'll try to keep the updates as regular as I possibly can :)


	17. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this does skip forward a little rather than carrying on right where the last chapter left off...buuut I hope that what happens at the end of this somewhat makes up for that...!

“Governor? Governor Clinton?”  
  
_Shit._ Bill’s eyes snapped back up to the moderator staring expectantly at him and tried his utmost to act as though he hadn’t just been caught out utterly distracted by the woman to his left on the debate stage.  
  
“Governor Clinton your response on healthcare?”   
  
Bill silently thanked his lucky stars that the subject matter had been repeated and he had been spared the embarrassment of having to ask for clarification. He cleared his throat and his head and tried adamantly to steel his focus, not an easy task given his current situation. He had almost forgotten how completely alluring Hillary was when she was all worked up and passionate. Jerry Brown had just slammed the financial considerations of her healthcare proposal, and she had instantly pulled up reams of carefully memorized facts and figures and fired back at him unmercifully. With each energized and deeply considered point she made, Bill had found his throat drying as he slowly became completely and utterly transfixed by her.  
  
Hillary herself hadn’t seemed to notice the effect she was having on him at first. Until now. She had always been incredible focused and diligent and her attention was firmly held by the debate and the arguments she herself was making, ensuring she presented the best possible answer to each issue. But even her usually unwavering gaze had drifted across to the Governor of Arkansas following his slightly prolonged silence as the audience awaited his answer to the moderator’s question, and she had just caught a hint of the quickly concealed look on his face and she bit back her own smile as he fumbled through his response and got himself back on track.  
  
“I- yes well I uh, I think it’s important to recognize what we both want here. We both want a comprehensive package of affordable healthcare, we both want a system where you still get to choose your doctor. You know we’ve got to have a system which is more efficient and more cost effective. The American people should know that the health insurance system in America today, just the insurance system alone in administrative costs and profits and in paperwork put on hospitals and doctors is a minimum of 60 billion dollars more expensive than the European or the Canadian system…”  
  
Bill managed to mask his deep sigh of relief once he’d got through the rest of his response relatively smoothly, all things considered. The debate went on and Senator Brown began his piece. With the glare of the cameras finally pointed away from him Bill glanced down at his notes, trying to reclaim hold on his focus and Hillary did the same. Now that she knew Bill had been watching her, she found her own attention was in serious danger of drifting and she tried adamantly to fight off the rising heat in her body.  
  
By the time Hillary looked back up again, Bill was responding to an issue raised by Senator Brown about his guarantee of college education for all who wanted it, and Hillary couldn’t help herself from feeling slightly hypnotized as she watched him get riled up and fiercely defend the subject he felt so strongly about, talking with his hands to drive home his point as he so often did. Hillary concentrated as hard as she could on his words rather than his physical attributes but found she was fighting a losing battle as her gaze began to shift along with his hands. Those hands she had never been able to resist from the very first moment she saw them, turning the pages of a book in the Yale law library and emphasizing the size of the infamous Arkansas watermelons. She had been captivated by them then and apparently the effect they had on her was still as prevalent as ever now. Her blue eyes followed his deft, slender long fingers as they punched through the air and curled inward with every sentence and Hillary began to feel a familiar warm sensation rushing through her center as she clenched her thighs together and desperately hoped she wasn’t turning red.  
  
She shook her focus back to her own podium and picked up her pen purely for something else to occupy herself with as she swallowed hard. As Bill finished his piece and the next question was asked she quickly prepared her response and threw herself back into her meticulously thought out policies, silently praying that her voice wouldn’t betray her current somewhat compromised state.  
  
“That’s a great question, and obviously, uh, one that’s on the minds of a lot of voters who I’ve gotten to talk to as I’ve traveled across the country. You know the way I see it…”  
  
Thankfully, her well practiced game face meant that Hillary managed to successfully make it through the rest of her answer without so much as a stumble and her dignity remained intact. Nobody suspecting that her attention had in fact been wandering along a very different line of thought. Except for Bill. Even after all these years, he still knew her far too well for a thing like that to escape his notice, and his keen gaze had caught all the little giveaway signs of her carefully concealed arousal that the rest of the watching world had missed; her tongue darting out of her mouth to wet her lips, the subtle blush rising from her neck to the apple of her cheeks, the heavy desire pooling behind the blue of her eyes, all invisible to everyone but him. Even as she spoke so eloquently and appeared so apparently unruffled, he could tell without a doubt that he had struck a nerve in her. And the thought alone that he still had the ability to have such an effect on her absolutely thrilled him.  
  
Unfortunately for Bill, that thrill was doing nothing to help his own physical state, and as he continued to watch Hillary hide how flustered she was becoming he suddenly felt incredibly grateful for the podium in front of him, preserving his modesty as his body threatened to betray the all too visible effect she was having on him. He took a slow intake of breath in an effort to calm himself before subtly pressing his lower body and the tented area of his pants as close behind the concealment of the podium as possible. Definitely _not_ something that needed to be shared with the watching nation.  
  
Hillary’s sharp eyes however caught the slight shift in his stance, and she glanced down for a split second and found herself licking her lips before she could stop herself. Her gaze quickly traveled back up to lock with Bill’s, a fleeting intensity passing between them confirming what they both already knew.  
  
For the sake of both of their reputations, they resigned not to look at each other again for the remainder of the debate. After another 35 minutes of relative torture, the broadcast finally concluded and the candidates made their way off the stage, much to the enormous relief of the Governor of Arkansas and the Senator from Illinois.  
  
Once they were out of view from the many eyes of the audience, Hillary shook hands with her fellow candidates before brushing tantalizingly close past Bill on her way out. The brief contact sent a spark of electricity running through them both, and Bill stared after her as she swayed her hips just a little more deliberately than usual, walking down the corridor and daring him to follow her. Which he would.  
  
Of course he would.  
  
“Peter,” He turned quickly to his trusted friend who was clutching a clipboard with the next day’s schedule on it. “I need to speak to Senator Rodham about something, could you spare me for just twenty minutes?”  
  
Peter raised a suspicious eyebrow at the strained tone of Bill’s voice but said nothing. He checked the scheduling sheet before nodding his permission and in a flash Bill was gone, marching up the corridor after Hillary and slipping into the room he’d seen her go into, incredibly grateful to find that she was alone.  
  
“Was that tactics, Senator Rodham?”  
  
“I could ask you the very same thing Governor.”  
  
Hearing her flirtatious tone as she called him by his title only caused the straining in his pants to tighten further, and he let out a slightly audible groan that sent a shiver right through Hillary’s core.  
  
“You know trying to distract a candidate off their game during a debate could be considered dirty politics?”  
  
Hillary drew in a soft shaky breath. “Is that so?”  
  
Bill nodded seriously, his blue eyes blazing with desire as he inched closer, pouring the intensity of his gaze directly back into hers. “Indeed it is. _Very_ dirty politics.”  
  
“Well for your information Governor, there was very little trying on my part. So maybe…” her eyes glanced briefly down to the visible outline of his pants then back up again to recapture his gaze, “you shouldn’t be so easily distracted.”  
  
His breathing hitched in his throat, unable to take his eyes off of her.  
  
“I’m sure if I were to check…” Bill’s eyes wandered down to where the fabric of her skirt so enticingly tightly hugged her hips, “I would find you to be equally…distracted.”  
  
Knowing exactly what he was implying to be true, the thick wetness gathering in her underwear only increased. Hillary stared him down intently for a moment as she debated whether or not to let him in on that knowledge.  
  
“So what if I am… What are you going to do about?”  
  
He paused for a moment, changing track as his mind suddenly flashed back to another moment many years ago not entirely dissimilar to this.  
  
“Do you remember the very first time we were pitted against each other in a debate at Yale?”  
  
Hillary’s cheeks reddened at the memory. “How could I forget.”  
  
A smirk spread across Bill's face. “Never in all my days have I heard the attorney-client privilege discussed with such heightened passion.”  
  
“Well if I remember correctly you were pretty passionate yourself.” Hillary bit her lip, the sultriest tone coating her words as she continued. “Although of course, I still won that debate.”  
  
“Well actually I’d say the jury’s still out on that one.”  
  
Hillary raised her eyebrow. “Oh really?”  
  
“Definitely. I mean…purely judging by the way I had you backed up against the door of the stationary cupboard afterwards, skirt bunched around your waist as you begged against my ear, I think it’s pretty clear who the real winner there was.”  
  
Hillary felt her body tremble, the heat between her legs fast becoming unbearable. “You know the way I remember it, it wasn’t me who was doing the begging.”  
  
“Hmmm…perhaps I need reminding.”  
  
Their focus was drifting back and forth between each other’s lips and each other’s eyes, both searching for confirmation, perhaps permission, before they finally found their lips crashing together again in one swift fluid motion.  
  
In comparison to their last more tender kiss on the floor of Bill’s hotel room before they had both nervously gone their separate ways that night, this one quickly became more heated, more urgent. Inflamed with with the heaviest desire and scorched with the ache of so much lost time, Hillary angled herself to deepen the kiss as their tongues fought against each other, still continuing in the role of opponents and still fighting to win. Just as he had done so many years ago in the stuffy stationary cupboard at Yale, Bill backed Hillary up firmly against the wall and their bodies pressed together, desperate for any more contact. Hillary gasped into Bill’s mouth as she felt his arousal pressing hard against her stomach, and he groaned as she deliberately rubbed herself against him. Her hands tangled through the thickness of his hair, pulling him closer towards her and Bill started to hitch up her skirt to reveal dark and dripping lace. He cupped his large strong hand over the damp area of her underwear and Hillary let out the most sensual whimper at feeling his touch so intimately for the first time in so many years. Even with the barrier of the fabric, he could still ignite every nerve in her body.  
  
“Bill-"  
  
“Hillary.”  
  
Even in the heightened circumstances of her current state, Hillary managed to grasp onto the last little bit of rational clarity left in the back of her mind and tried halfheartedly to pull them back from the brink. “Bill what are we doing?”  
  
“I’d have thought that was fairly obvious darlin.”  
  
Hearing him call her by the same pet name in his familiar Arkansas drawl which always had her weak at the knees all those years ago, she almost lost her resolve entirely.  
  
“Bill this is crazy.” She tried to protest again, fighting a fast losing battle with herself. “We’re running against each other now we can’t- _ohhhh-"_ the rest of whatever she had been about to say was lost in a soft string of moans as Bill pulled her underwear aside and slipped a long finger into her velvety heat.  
  
“Do you want me to stop?” He whispered hot and huskily against her ear. “Because just say the word and I will.”  
  
“I- mmm…” Hillary couldn’t manage to string together an intelligible reply as her eyes fluttered closed. Bill stilled his movements and waited for her to respond.  
  
“Hillary.”  
  
“Don’t stop,” she finally managed to gasp out, rocking her hips against him to compensate the lack of movement. “God please don’t stop, I need you.”  
  
He smirked at her enthusiasm. That was all he needed to hear. He pushed a second finger inside of her, stroking deeper this time and earning him a satisfied sound from the back of her throat as she tilted her head back against the wall, consumed with pleasure.  
  
“So soft and wet.” He sighed, before dragging his thumb in tantalizing slow circles around her swollen clit causing her to squirm. “Tell me… _Senator_ , were you this wet while we stood on that debate stage being watched by millions? Were you soaking through your panties behind that podium, listening to the sound of my voice?”  
  
Her walls tightened around his fingers at his words and another whimper escaped her lips as she trembled with desire, her legs threatening to give way beneath her as she clung onto him for support.  
  
“Ohhh Bill-”  
  
He trailed kisses along the exposed porcelain skin of her neckline before curling his enveloped fingers upward with enough pressure to bring her closer to the edge as his name spilled from her lips again and again.  
  
_God he missed this. Hearing her, feeling her._  
  
_Loving her._  
  
He finally pressed his thumb directly against her clit a little rougher this time, applying the friction she was so desperately seeking as she arched towards him and he continued pumping his fingers into her faster and harder. Her inner muscles started to ripple and contract around him and he knew she was almost there  
  
“Fuck.” She gasped as the sensation began to uncoil intensely in the pit of her stomach and Bill let out a groan of his own. He always did love hearing her curse.  
  
“That’s it baby, let it all go, let me feel you come right here in my hand.”  
  
One final stroke inside of her tipped her over the edge, and she buried her head against his shoulder to muffle her cries as she came, walls clamping down hard around his fingers and she closed her eyes as everything went blinding white around her.    
  
Bill held her body up as she quivered and rode out the waves of her orgasm in his hand. Once her breathing finally settled again Bill withdrew his fingers from her and raised them to his lips.  
  
“Mmmh. You still taste so fucking good.”  
  
His words sent another shiver through her and she watched transfixed as he licked his fingers clean of her essence. His bright eyes met hers and their gaze locked and lingered for a moment, reveling in what they had just done.  
  
Although she’d had partners in the time that had transpired since their separation, nobody ever came even close to the way Bill made her feel. His touch had the ability to reach every single part of her, inflaming her and hitting her nerves in places she’d almost forgotten existed and now that he’d reawakened them, she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to hold herself back anymore.  
  
Her skirt was still bunched around her waist and as she straightened herself up it fell back over her thighs, covering the perfect creaminess of her skin much to Bill’s disappointment. He couldn’t stay disappointed for long however, as Hillary pressed their lips back together and swirled her tongue against his, sharing her own taste still lingering on his mouth.  
  
A deep groan sounded from the back of Bill’s throat as Hillary’s deft little hand found it’s way down to the buckle of his belt, grazing her palm over his hardness through the fabric but before she could continue unfastening his pants, they were suddenly interrupted by a voice calling out on the other side of the door.  
  
“Senator Rodham? We really need to get going and Betsey has a couple of things to brief you on before we hit the road.”

"Damn," Bill whispered, and they both exchanged a heated look of disappointment at not being able to continue.   
  
“I’m just coming!” Hillary called back through the closed door, and Bill smirked at her choice of phrase as they reluctantly pulled apart and gazed at each other wistfully.  
  
Despite the clear evidence of Bill’s physical need for her, he was almost grateful they had been interrupted before they could take things any further. He finally settled upon the realization that he didn’t want their first time reconnecting in such a complete way to be built on the lie that still lingered between them. Hillary deserved so much better than that. She deserved the truth. She had always deserved the truth and he was determined that this time, he was going to be completely honest with her.  
  
But not today. Today he didn’t want to ruin the moment of what they had shared and so he decided he would wait. But soon, he promised himself, soon he’d find a way to tell her the whole truth and finally shatter that one remaining barrier between them.  
  
Unfortunately for both of them, ‘soon’ wouldn’t quite be soon enough.  
  
“So I guess I’ll see you around on the campaign trail then Senator?” Bill's attention snapped back to the present and he grinned at her like a smitten teenager.  
  
Hillary glanced him up and down, her cheeks still flushed pink with arousal and excitement and an unmistakable smirk on her face that she was doing her best to hide.  
  
“I guess you will, Governor.”


	18. Can Of Worms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I know it's been over a week since I last updated! Reading Hillary's book and all the amazing promo interviews she's been doing has pretty much taken over my spare time, but I'm trying to get back on schedule with this now. Things are finally beginning to unfold with this one...

The atmosphere in both campaign camps noticeably shifted over the next weeks, very much to the bemusement of each candidate’s respective staff. Bill would turn up at campaign stops in the mornings whistling with a spring in his step, while Hillary was trailing from event to event with such a smile on her face no amount of run-ins with protestors or the press seemed able to wipe away.   
  
Only a select few in both of their inner circles were aware of the reason behind their candidates sudden lifted spirits. Peter, although admittedly concerned for the potential effects their rekindled romance could have on the campaign, was secretly thrilled to see his old friends back together again. Betsey Wright took a similar view of the unexpected situation. After all, both of their polling numbers remained in optimistic standing, and so with the distinct exception of Sara, the rest of their most senior staff were turning a blind eye to the relationship and simply worked to ensure that it successfully stayed out of the press.   
  
As often as the two candidates could possibly get away with considering the intensity of their schedules, they both were soon spending what limited free time they did have on the phone to one another. Just hearing the other’s voice at the end of the day seemed to wash away whatever strains and turmoil the campaign trail had brought to them, and they both delighted in the way they had so easily slipped back into the comfort of each other again.   
  
Still, acutely aware of the nature of their current roles in the race they tried their best to keep politics out of their conversations, talking simply about each other and sharing trivial stories from their days instead. Nothing brought a smile to Bill’s face more than the sound of Hillary’s loud and liberated laughter echoing down the phone as he relayed a story of how he'd jumped from his campaign van and bolted through gridlocked traffic on foot in order to make it to a rally in time.   
  
“You know I would have paid good money to see that!” Hillary eventually managed to respond between giggles.   
  
“So would the press!” Bill shot back with a grin. “It was a tragically undocumented moment in presidential primary history!”  
  
Easy laughter between them rose once again, but once it died down Bill glanced at his watch, regretfully realizing they were going to have to hang up and get some sleep soon if they had any desire to be somewhat coherent on the trail tomorrow.   
  
“Baby it’s getting late, I don’t want to be held responsible for either of us falling asleep mid-speech tomorrow.”  
  
“No.” Hillary sighed wistfully with a smile. “That’s not generally considered a very rousing way to capture a crowd…unless you pass it off as a metaphor for our current economic growth.”  
  
“Hmm…well I’ll certainly bear that excuse in mind for future reference, thanks honey!”  
  
“Uh-uh, copyright Hillary Rodham. You’ll have to come up with your own excuses, William.”   
  
They both laughed again, their eyes so bright and alive with happiness despite the impending tiredness they felt, both valiantly fighting off the need for sleep that longed to lay claim on their exhausted bodies. Bill checked the time again and knew they really needed to wrap things up now.

_But how he hated having to say goodbye to her._

If he thought he missed her all the years they had been apart, he was quickly learning that was nothing compared to the intensity of his feelings now that she was once again back in his life. He wanted nothing more than to be by her side and in her arms but of course; duty called. If only it didn’t call them quite so far away from each other...  
  
“Right, before we say goodnight let’s do diaries, when are we next crossing paths?”   
  
Hillary smiled as she reached for her folder and they resumed their new found routine of the past few weeks; comparing their schedules and working out when their campaign paths crossed by close enough to be able to subtly squeeze in a little visit without drawing too much attention. Something they had so far managed to achieve surprisingly successfully.   
  
“Well I’m in North Carolina until Thursday…” Hillary began, and she heard Bill shuffling through his papers on the other end of the line.  
  
“Thursday…Thursday…Oh here we go - got it! Dammit I’m getting there on Thursday too, what time you leaving?”  
  
“First thing.” Hillary could sense Bill’s disappointment on the other end of the phone and she did a quick study of the rest of her schedule for that day. “But…if you can try and get there an extra hour earlier then I could probably try and stick around an extra hour longer?”  
  
Bill’s face lit up like a kid in a candy store, and even though she couldn’t see him Hillary could picture his expression perfectly from the elated tone of his voice alone. “Are you sure? I don’t want to cause havoc with your schedule?”  
  
“Should be fine, my next rally isn’t till the late afternoon and we’ve been making pretty good time lately. Anyway, I owe you this one after we lost track of time and you almost missed your own bus leaving Pennsylvania last week.”  
  
He chuckled down the phone, remembering the sheer panic on his assistants face when he had finally reappeared over an hour later and been all but dragged on board the bus. “Well they couldn’t exactly have left without me! Besides, you know I’m leading in Pennsylvania anyway.”  
  
“Hmm well we’ll see about that.” Hillary returned his teasing challenging tone with a grin. “There’s still a way to go yet Clinton!”  
  
They both laughed, but the complications of their situation remained lingering and unspoken between them, both very much aware that this was only going to end one way. Following the recent bankruptcy of Senator Kerrey’s campaign and his subsequent drop out of the race, the polls now showed the two of them currently neck and neck as the front runners, with Jerry Brown falling just a little way behind. The more numbers and data came out, the more it was becoming increasingly clear that one of them was going to win the nomination and one of them was going to lose it. What that would mean for their relationship was something that neither had dared to address yet. Not now they had only just gotten back on track again.  
  
Bill’s heart was also weighed down even further by the knowledge that he still hadn’t told Hillary the whole truth about why things had really ended between them. He had kept on trying to find a tactful way to bring it up, but each time the words had got stuck in his throat and his mouth had felt stuffed with cotton wool. Their time together was so precious now, scattered in stolen moments across the campaign trail and he just couldn’t quite bring himself to waste one single second of it by reopening old wounds. Before each of their encounters he kept telling himself that this was it, this was the day he would finally be honest with her and they would build their relationship on the truth. But then he would see her gorgeously bright smile pouring into him like sunshine and he just couldn’t do it, and he eventually reasoned with himself that the past was the past and maybe he should just leave it there. _After all, what good could it really do to rake all that up and break her heart all over again?_  
  
But the past has an unfortunate habit of rearing its ugly head again right when you least expect it.   
  
“I miss you.” Bill finally sighed, breaking through the silence they had fallen into and Hillary smiled as the sincerity of those three words hit her.   
  
“I miss you too.   
  
“It’s almost just like old times this really isn’t it? You and me, on the phone, missing each other.”  
  
Hillary smiled to herself, marveling at his way of always choosing to look at the positives in any given situation no matter what. He always manage did see the world through a rosy tinted lens when she was around; his glass half full the perfect balance to her glass half empty.   
  
“Mmm well I think the circumstances are slightly more complex this time around.”  
  
“Maybe.” He sighed. He desperately didn’t want to think about that. “At least one thing is still the same though.”  
  
“Yeah? And what’s that exactly?”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
The words tumbled from his lips down the phone to her like the most natural thing in the world, and much to her surprise she found her eyes filling with tears. Despite being vaguely aware of it somewhere in her heart, nothing ever quite compared to actually hearing him say those words she hadn’t heard from him in over seventeen years; explicitly stating it and erasing all lingering doubt that remained from years of believing the opposite. _He loved her._   
  
“I love you too.”

  
_____________________________

  
  
The sun rose on Thursday morning in North Carolina and Hillary all but leapt out of bed with a blissful smile spread across her face. She quickly hurried through her morning routine and made her way downtown to the assigned holding room of the village hall where she had arranged to meet Bill before he was due to speak there that day.   
  
She crept in through the back entrance, thankfully early enough that no press had gathered outside yet, and she carefully slipped inside the room undetected to find Peter sitting there alone. Flipping through some paperwork and balancing a box of sugared jam pastries on his lap, he looked very much the exact same way he had when Hillary had first stormed Bill’s campaign headquarters a couple months ago. Only this time, she was encountering him for quite a different set of reasons.   
  
“Hey Peter!” Hillary’s smile was so relaxed and sincere that Peter couldn’t help returning it the second he looked up and saw her.  
  
“Hill! Or should I be calling you Senator Rodham?”   
  
“Hill is fine,” she rolled her eyes with a chuckle, “I think we’ve known each other far too long to resort to titles don’t you.”  
  
Peter grinned back and made space on the desk for her to sit down with him. “I assume you’re here to see Bill and that it’s not just the enticement of my snacks and my winning personality that’s lured you in here?”  
  
Hillary laughed and nodded and Peter couldn’t help noticing the way her face lit up at the mention of Bill.   
  
“Is he here?”  
  
“I certainly hope so!” Peter chuckled. “We pulled in about twenty minutes ago but he told me to go on ahead and set up without him, so I can only assume he’s been sidetracked talking to voters. You know he has a habit of stopping whenever he sees so much as two people gathered on the side of the street that he could possibly talk to!”   
  
“God I remember him doing that way back during the congress campaign when we drove around from town to town together!” Hillary cast her mind back with a fond smile before checking her watch. “Do you think he’ll be much longer? Only I’ve got to leave in just under an hour.”  
  
“Your guess is as good as mine I’m afraid! But given that he knows you’re going to be here I’m sure he’ll be along pretty soon.”   
  
Peter offered his box of pastries to Hillary while she resigned herself to waiting, and she gratefully accepted one with a swirl of cream and a strawberry on the top. She took a bite out of it and perched herself on the edge of the desk with her legs crossed.  
  
“So I suppose I should put all this paperwork away seeing as you’re the competition now huh.”  
  
Hillary grinned, pretending to read over his shoulder. “Damn you caught me. This is all actually just one big elaborate ploy to steal your campaign strategy!”  
  
Peter laughed and Hillary did too, both grateful of the chance to reconnect their friendship again. Peter had always seen Hillary as very much a second little sister when they were younger, and Hillary in turn had always felt the same way about Peter. Having always been used to being the responsible one for two younger brothers in her own family, Peter had always been the one who looked out for her like the older bother she’d never had. It was a dynamic she hadn’t fully realized how much she’d missed until now.  
  
“It’s funny isn’t it, all of us suddenly back in each others lives again like the old days.” Peter smiled contentedly. “Every time I go to use the phone recently Bill is always on it talking to you and I swear it’s like a major flashback to when you were first living in Massachusetts and he would take every single opportunity he could get just to call you up.”   
  
Hillary smiled and her eyes gazed off into the distance for a moment, bittersweet memories of Massachusetts and their first experience of being apart rushing fresh back into her mind. “Bill said that to me the other day too. It’s almost like no time has even passed at all.”  
  
“Yeah.” Peter took another bite out of his doughnut and cast his mind back as well. “I know I probably shouldn’t say this, because the campaign should come first and all that, but I’m really glad you’re here. With Bill again I mean. He seems to just be so much better when he’s with you, y’know? You always did bring out the best in him Hill, and I’m only fully understanding just how much now that you’re back in his life again.”  
  
Hillary’s heart fluttered upon hearing that, feeling really touched. “I’m glad I’m here too.”   
  
“I know Bill is as well. Honestly Hill he’s like a new man these past few weeks. It’s like someone finally switched the light back on inside him after all these years.” He smiled before softening his voice, thinking back to seventeen years ago. “He was so cut up when you left him back in Washington, I’d never seen him like that before.”   
  
Hillary’s expression, which had been blissfully happy up until that last piece of information, suddenly dropped and her face darkened into a confused frown.  
  
“Wait, what did you just say? When I left _him?_ ”   
  
Peter blinked at her in surprise, not at all expecting that reaction.   
  
“Peter I don’t know what he told you back in ’74 but _he_ was the one who left _me._ ”   
  
Peter's mouth fell open in complete shock, that declaration clearly brand new information to him and his mind raced back as he tried to make sense of it. He knew Bill had flown to Washington with a ring, intending to ask Hillary to marry him, and he knew that he had returned alone, devastated and completely crushed, hauling himself up in his apartment all summer, hiding away and then never the same since. He hadn’t really dared to ever ask any questions further than that and had simply filled in the blanks for himself, figuring it was pretty clear what must have happened. At least he had always thought it was. Until just now.   
  
“Oh- god, shit I’m sorry I didn’t…I mean I always just assumed…”  
  
“Why would you assume that I had left him?” Hillary’s gaze was piercing intensely into him now as she shifted into lawyer mode. “Did he tell you that?”  
  
“Well no… I mean not in so many words I just thought…well he…he was so devastated. It took him months to get over it, and even then…“  
  
“Well he didn’t seem all that devastated when he told me he didn’t love me anymore. Did you know about that?”  
  
“He said that?” Peter’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, remembering all too clearly Bill’s determined declarations of his love for Hillary when he had bought the ring and booked his flight to Washington. “Why on earth would he say that?”    
  
“I presumed because he meant it. That he finally found some other southern belle waiting at home for him instead.”   
  
“That doesn’t make any sense at all.” Peter mumbled mostly to himself, his face now the picture of complete confusion. “He told me he was going to ask you-”  
  
“…Going to ask me what?” Hillary stared at him suspiciously as he trailed off and Peter was quickly getting the distinct feeling he may have just put his foot in it and unknowingly opened a can of worms that had been kept tightly sealed shut for seventeen years.   
  
“Um…oh I don’t know, perhaps I just got hold of the wrong end of the stick.” Peter desperately tried to backtrack but it was too late, there was never any throwing Hillary off the scent once she had latched onto something. And there was certainly plenty here that didn’t add up.  
  
“It was a long time ago Hillary, maybe I’m just remembering it all wrong.”  
  
Hillary slid off the desk and bushed the sugar crumbs off her skirt, her blue eyes now darkened and lost deep in thought.  
  
“You seemed pretty certain just a minute ago.”   
  
Peter didn’t appear to have an answer for that, his mouth still open like a goldfish as Hillary swung her handbag over her shoulder and turned to leave.  
  
“Tell Bill that something’s come up and I’ll have to see him another time.”  
  
Peter nodded slowly, wondering what the hell was going on and what exactly he may have just accidentally unleashed as she headed straight for the door.  
  
“Oh and Peter?” She suddenly swung back around on her heel and looked him right in the eye. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t repeat any of this conversation to Bill.”  
  
 _But once you open up a can of worms, it’s inevitable they’ll eat away at someone._


	19. The Truth Will Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at long last! finally some revelations...

Bill couldn’t help noticing Hillary had been distant over the past week and he just couldn’t work out what he had done wrong. They had gone from speaking every single day to hardly speaking at all, and the longer it went on the more it was really weighing on his mind and getting him down.    
  
Peter, feeling completely wracked with guilt at putting his foot in it, had kept his word to Hillary and not told Bill anything of their conversation in his campaign headquarters, and so Bill had remained completely in the dark of Hillary’s newfound suspicions surrounding the circumstances of exactly why they had separated all those years ago.  
  
Their phone calls diminished down from twice a day to practically non existent. Whenever Bill had tried to reach Hillary he was always given the same message by an increasingly smug sounding Sara instructed to give him the brush off; she was unavailable or at an event or resting her voice. All the same typical empty excuses he himself had used on plenty of occasions when he didn’t want to speak to someone, and he was starting to get the distinct impression he was being fobbed off.  
  
Hillary knew she couldn’t avoid him forever, and the prolonged silence between them was really doing neither any good. But she needed some time to think. To think of how best to approach the question she’d been longing to ask for seventeen years that had been filtered into the back of her subconscious where she’d done her best to ignore it. But Peter’s words had brought it right back to the surface and made it impossible to ignore any longer; doubts and reasoning echoing around her head louder than ever before until she could barely hear anything else.  
  
_Why?_  
  
The last unanswered question. And the more she thought about it, the less sense it made. From almost the very moment they had found themselves back in each others lives it was as though he had never stopped loving her. She knew she had certainly never stopped loving him, and for a while she allowed herself to gloss over the inconsistencies in favor of falling back into his orbit. But she could no longer ignore the glaring facts remaining that he _had_ told her he didn’t love her and he _did_ leave her. So why was the man in her life now seemingly a completely different person to the one who had broken her heart all those years ago with those words she had been so sure that he meant?  
  
Hillary hesitated with one hand over the telephone on almost a daily basis, longing to speak to him and finally gain some clarity but she came to the conclusion that she couldn’t do this over the phone. He was always so brilliant with his words but his eyes told their own story altogether as far as Hillary was concerned, and she wanted to be able to read him fully when she finally decided how on earth to confront him with this.

_____________________________

  
Bill’s staff were very much feeling the brunt of his increased irritability, and it was clear he was suffering from Hillary’s sudden withdrawal from him. Bill also couldn’t shake the horrible nagging sense that when he did discover the reason for her unexplained giving him the cold shoulder, it wasn’t going to result in him being left in a particularly favorable light.  
  
After all, nothing stays secret forever.  
  
Both knew all too well they were going to have to face each other sooner rather than later, and as the crucial final democratic debate in New York approached, Hillary finally decided it was time to get everything out in the open. No more sneaking around before each other’s events and slipping off into hotel rooms. It was time to act like candidates instead of teenagers, duty to the American people first, confrontation second.  
  
Once the stage was set in Buffalo and the three remaining candidates took to their podiums, the debate passed in a manner ironically reminiscent of the very first one. Both the Governor and the Senator determinedly focused and equally determined not to so much as look at each other lest they fell into distraction or allowed the bubbling culmination of their personal feelings affect their performance. A task much more well practiced by Hillary, who had been walking that fine line of carefully managing and compartmentalizing her emotions ever since she first entered the realm as a woman in politics and placed herself under the microscopic critical lens of the nation. She was more than able to hold her own, a fact she only continued to prove when Jerry Brown attempted to sow seeds of doubt in the final quarter of the debate by suggesting that she wouldn’t be tough enough to go up against Bush in the general. A tactic which immediately backfired as Hillary shot back with the defense that she was undoubtedly the candidate who had taken the largest number of hits in the race so far due to the polarizing factor of her gender, and she was still standing strong. _“The harder they hit the more encouraged I get.”_ She rounded off her point by bringing up her impressive record of working across the aisle in the senate with republicans and democrats alike, listing off the many republicans whom had previously sung her praises and commented on her ability to get the job done. Bill, even with the state of limbo their personal relationship was currently in, couldn’t help feeling immensely proud of her.      
  
After a heated ninety minutes the lights dimmed, the audience filtered out, the TV cameras were switched off and it was all over. For everyone else. For Bill and Hillary, the night still had a way to go yet.  
  
Following the usual rounds of thanks and handshaking and unwavering smiling, the candidates were free to make their exits. On her way to the holding room Hillary saw Bill loitering in the corridor, unsure whether to approach her or not and she took a deep breath. _It was now or never._  
  
She marched up to him, her heart pounding inside her chest as she gathered up her nerve and tapped him on the shoulder. Completely unnecessarily, as he had clearly seen her coming. She later realized perhaps she had just wanted to feel the comfort of his touch one last time before whatever other revelations followed.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Hi.”  
  
The awkward start was doing nothing to alleviate the tension and Bill cleared his throat, still mostly in the dark about what was going on.  
  
“You’ve been ignoring me.” He wasn’t sure if it was more of a question or a statement, but he knew he had to say _something._    
  
Hillary’s gaze shifted to the floor. “I know. I’m sorry. I needed some time to think.”  
  
Bill nodded curiously as her eyes lifted back up to his.  
  
“And now I need to ask you something.”  
  
He opened his mouth to respond when they were suddenly interrupted by a group of technical staff rounding the corner and bustling past them. Hillary held her tongue and waited until they were out of earshot before speaking again.  
  
“But not here.”  
  
She led him silently into the holding room, closing the door firmly behind them and getting right to the point, desperately hoping she could find the right words and desperately hoping she wasn’t about to be met with more heartbreak.  
  
“Bill...I know we’ve been kind of, swept up in each other again and fallen right back into the way we were seventeen years ago. But I’ve come to realize there’s a lot I don’t understand about what went wrong between us that I can’t just sweep under the rug anymore…”  
  
Bill gulped. He’d always known this was coming, and yet for all the time he had devoted to thinking about this inevitable conversation he suddenly felt immensely unprepared.  
  
“…And if we’re going to move forward, I need the truth.”  
  
_The truth._ The one chasm that remained between them and separated them no matter how many bridges they tried to build over it. No matter how many well intended lies attempted to fill the gap, that empty space still existed, looming and threatening that one day one of them might fall and be lost to its depths forever if they didn’t build a solid foundation on which to stand. Together.  
  
But in order to create that solid foundation, first they had to shatter the illusion of what they were currently standing on. Whether they would both survive that fall was another question altogether.  
  
“What do you want to know.” Bill conceded, his voice unexpectedly soft and regretful as he cast his gaze into the distance.  
  
She took a breath, thinking back to Peter’s words to her last week and how his confusion paired with her own.  
  
“Why did you suddenly decide you didn’t love me anymore? What changed? Because I’ve been over and over it in my head more times than I can stand Bill.” Hillary’s voice cracked slightly and she did her best to maintain her composure. “I know we had our problems but I thought we were happy? We were moving forward and then- I just…I just don’t understand…and I need you to help me understand…”  
  
Bill hardly knew where to begin as Hillary continued pacing the room, gradually working herself up into a state as she poured out everything she had kept locked tightly away for far too long.  
  
“I mean what changed? Was it something I said or- or something I did? Did I push you too far? Or was it someone else, someone back home-"  
  
“Hillary- _Hillary._ " Bill took hold of her small slender hand and gently cradled it inside his own, pulling her out of her deteriorating downward spiral and bringing her focus back onto him.  
  
“It was nothing you did, I promise you there is nothing in this world you could ever do to make me stop loving you.”  
  
Hillary felt comforted by the clear sincerity of his words, but still nothing was adding up and it only seemed to confuse her further. She pulled away from his hold on her hand and looked him straight in the eye, searching the depths of his ocean blues and desperately seeking the answers that had evaded her for almost two decades.  
  
“Well clearly something did. Because you left. And you told me you weren’t in love with me anymore.”  
  
The memory of those words leaving his lips still haunted Bill and he shifted his gaze back towards the floor uncomfortably. “That was a mistake.”  
  
“A mistake?”  
  
“The biggest mistake of my life Hillary.”  
  
“Why would you say something like that if you didn’t mean it?” Her question was only met with silence and she sighed in evident frustration. “Talk to me here Bill because this- none of this is making any sense.”  
  
The more he was forced to think about it, and with the benefit of hindsight, the more he realized it had never made a whole lot of sense to him either. But he knew that he owed her the truth. With a deep breath, it was time for her to finally hear it.  
  
“I…I thought me leaving would give you your best chance to succeed. And I thought if you believed I didn’t love you anymore, it would be easier for us both to move on.” All the years he had consoled himself with that reasoning in his head it had always sounded logical, noble even. But as the words left his lips and the truth was finally out there it seemed to fall flat, almost pathetic sounding. _Who did he ever think he was to make that judgement for her?_  
  
Hillary’s face was shell-shocked and as her lip quivered Bill couldn’t quite work out if she was about to start crying or if she’d been rendered speechless and was furiously searching for the right words. It turned out to be the latter, as seconds later he was suddenly hit with the full force of her simmering anger and disbelief.  
  
“What kind of- of bullshit superiority complex would cause you to even _begin_ to think something like that? Jesus Christ Bill you don’t- you don’t just MAKE decisions like that for people? I didn’t think you were like that.”  
  
“I’m not,” he reached desperately for her hand but she snatched it away again, “I never wanted things to end like that it just sort of…happened. And then it was too late to fix it and I guess I convinced myself you were happier without me.”  
  
Hillary scoffed and shook her head in disbelief. “How does something like that ‘just happen’ Bill? What did you just wake up one morning and accidentally decide you’d had enough of me? Did the words accidentally slip out? Because let me tell you, you seemed pretty sure of what you were saying as you shattered everything we had together.”  
  
“No! Of course not it was just…it’s complicated…”  
  
“How?” Hillary narrowed her eyes and Bill avoided her gaze, knowing how well she could read him even now. “How was it complicated Bill?”  
  
“I just thought it was the right thing but I was wrong. That’s it. I know I never should have left you like that and I’d do anything to change it now but I can’t.”  
  
Hillary still felt like she was missing something, and she finally stopped pacing the floor to look him properly in the eye. “What made you think it was the right thing to do?” She paused, the intensity of her stare burning directly into him. “Did somebody else tell you that? Because I know you Bill and that doesn’t sound like a conclusion you derived without any outside influence.”  
  
His hesitation gave her the answer she needed and she raised her hand to her hip, determined to get to the bottom of this once and for all.  
  
“Who gave you that idea?”  
  
Bill shifted his gaze awkwardly to the wall behind her. “It really doesn’t matter now.”  
  
The last thing he wanted to do was shatter the relationship between Hillary and her most trusted mentor. And would she even believe him if he told her the truth of who really wanted them kept apart? He desperately hoped in vain that she would drop the subject but he knew Hillary wasn’t the type of person to give up without a fight.  
  
“Was it your mother?”  
  
“No, no it wasn’t mother.”  
  
“Then who?” Hillary persisted. “Who could possibly hold that level of influence over you to convince you to do a thing like that?”  
  
Bill knew he was backed into a corner, but just before he could open his mouth to respond the sound of somebody clearing their throat in the doorway interrupted them. They both glanced around to see Sara Ehrman standing there. Unbeknown to the couple, she had been listening in to the conversation in a relative panic, and was very keen to intervene before any further unwanted truths came to light.  
  
“So sorry to interrupt, but Hillary we really need to get going if we’re going to hit the road on time.”  
  
Hillary heaved a weary sigh and nodded before turned her attention back onto Bill, much to Sara’s alarm. “Just give me a couple more minutes.”  
  
Sara stayed rooted to the spot, frozen in apprehension but Hillary didn’t seem to notice her continued presence there as her focus was fully occupied with trying to read Bill’s curious expression.  
  
“Just tell me the truth Bill.”  
  
“…I…I-”  
  
But before Bill could stammer out his response any further, Sara, desperate to derail the conversation shuffled closer and intervened again. Which turned out to be her second fatal mistake.  
  
“H-Hillary we really do need to get going-“  
  
“Look for gods sake haven’t you interfered enough?!” Bill finally snapped and in an instant a stunned silence fell across the room as all three of them processed what he’d just said. He hadn’t meant to, but in his flustered frustration the words had left his lips before he had a chance to think clearly. Sheer panic passed through Sara’s eyes, which she quickly did her best to conceal and a piercing warning glance exchanged between herself and Bill. None of which went unnoticed by Hillary.  
  
“What did you say?” Hillary’s confrontational tone had suddenly left her and been replaced by a softer, hollower voice, reminiscent of the young woman she had once been the day she was left behind on that Washington park bench all those years ago. Bill lifted his eyes to hers and Hillary’s gaze traveled from his blue regretful ones across to Sara’s grey agitated ones. The cogs began to whir in her brain as she stared back and forth between the two people in front of her, reading the clear tensions and as she remembered Sara’s distinct dislike for Bill, everything slowly fell into place.  
  
_“…You?”_ Hillary finally turned back to Sara in disbelief, the guilty look on her face confirming everything she needed to know and her mouth fell open in utter shock. “You did this? Told him to leave me like that? You let me cry on your shoulder for years and all this time…you knew you had sent him away?”  
  
Bill could hardly bear the crack in her voice and the shine of unshed tears in her eyes and he longed to reach out and comfort her.  
  
“So you see baby it wasn’t m-“  
  
“And you let her?!” Hillary cut Bill off, snatching her arm roughly away from his as her eyes blazed into him. “You just let her tell you what to do? You didn’t even put up a fight for me?”  
  
He hung his head to the floor in shame. “I’m so sorry Hillary.”  
  
“I thought it was what was best for you sweetheart.” Sara finally spoke up and Hillary turned back to her furiously.  
  
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, EITHER of you! I didn’t need you two weighing up all the pros and cons on my behalf, I came to a decision by myself.” Her heart ached as she thought back to the plans she had made to go to Arkansas, of teaching with Bill and a family, a home. “I’m not your little puppet incapable of making her own life decisions. I KNEW what I wanted and you ripped it all away from me.”  
  
Tears were streaming down both Hillary and Bill’s face now, but she could no longer bring herself to look at him. Sara stepped towards Hillary tentatively but she instantly backed away, turning the full force of her steely cold glare onto her.  
  
“Sara you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”  
  
“But we still need-“  
  
“It wasn’t a request.” Hillary raised her voice dangerously and Sara shrunk back. “You can brief Betsey on whatever it was you were going to brief me on and then leave. I don’t want you associated with this campaign anymore.”  
  
“But Hillary-“  
  
“Get out!”  
  
Bill waited until Sara had scurried from the room before turning to Hillary hopefully, but he was met with the same icy stare that Sara had received.  
  
“You too Bill.”  
  
“Hillary-"  
  
“I don’t want to see you right now.”  
  
“Hillary please I’ll do anything to fix this, just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.”  
  
Hillary glanced up to the ceiling, fighting against gravity to prevent the further tears welling up in her eyes from falling as she did her best to mask the pain in her voice with a scornful laugh. “Well you can’t fix it Bill. You can’t just give us the last 20 years of our life back. You made your choice, and now we both have to live with the consequences.”  
  
Bill was at a loss for anything else to say, not least because she was absolutely right. There was nothing he could say or do to reverse the damage he had done, and it completely and utterly broke his heart.  
  
Hillary had fully turned her back to him now, the subtle shake of her shoulders indicating that she was quietly sobbing and he was clearly denied any permission to comfort her. Yet again he found himself, as he far too often had been, in the category of the cause of her pain rather than the support she should have been able to rely on to soothe it.  
  
He made one final attempt to speak to her, the last remaining olive branch he had left to offer in a lost and defeated voice bereft of all his usual confidence and charisma.  
  
“I never stopped loving you Hillary, not for a single day.”  
  
His words were met with only silence as unseen tears spilled down Hillary’s cheeks and Bill finally resigned himself to make his move for the door, his whole body heavy with a regret he was sure he was never going to be able to shift. It wasn’t until after the door had swung shut behind him, that Hillary finally whispered her reply through sorrowful sobs to the empty room.  
  
“Neither did I.”


	20. Smile, Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter did start off as being more serious and then…just sort of took on a direction of its own...

A weighted cloud of despondency cast its gloom over the Rodham and Clinton campaigns in the weeks following Bill’s revelation on the night of the final democratic debate. Heartbroken and conflicted, Hillary had resorted to doing what she had always done best; pushing her own complicated feelings as deep down as they would possibly go and throwing her all into her work instead. _After all this was what really mattered_ she convinced herself valiantly each morning. _Real_ problems facing the country. Falling back into the habit of a lifetime and diminishing her own struggles in favor of solving everyone else’s, Hillary put up her protective internal iron shields and the immaculate uncracked facade of the image she knew she needed to present to the rest of the world. Strong and unwavering. Despite the fact that she currently felt anything but.  
  
Some days were better than others. Depending on how her interactions on the campaign trail went and the stories she heard and the hands that held, she was often able to keep the sadness at bay. But not always. Sometimes the line between sad and mad was a fine one to tread without falling into either category, and this particular day had definitely pushed her into the latter.  
  
Things hadn’t gotten off to a great start, as the route to her first event had been miscalculated which resulted in her journey taking twice as long as it should have done. Hillary’s exasperation was evident from her face, and although she made an effort not to complain or vocalize her displeasure it colored her mood for the rest of the day. And things continued to go downhill from there as a persistent group of rowdy protestors interrupted her speech on healthcare, loudly yelling their aggressive opposition to her reform proposals and waving signs which told her to **“go home and have your own babies if you want to play mommy so badly.”**  
  
Her advance team had leaped into action immediately and prevented the demonstration from escalating, but the damage was done and their words had unexpectedly stung Hillary far more than she usually allowed herself. Much to her horror she almost felt tears pricking in the corner of her eyes before she quickly and fiercely blinked them away, steadying her voice and resorting to her ultimate defense mechanism of a confident laugh to conceal her personal feelings safely behind. She called out to the protestors as they left, hoping to at least enter into a dialogue with them and discuss some of their healthcare concerns, but apparently they hadn’t come there very interested in a conversation. She had learned by now that those who so staunchly opposed her, very rarely were.  
  
But still the words of their signs had lingered in her mind for the rest of the day, and her initial hurt eventually dissolved into anger redirected at the only person she had ever truly seen herself having a family with. _Just another thing she had lost from his stupid 'greater-good' decision._  
  
Hillary’s bad mood continued to fester as the day drew to a close, and the final straw ultimately came in the form of a young male reporter chipping in with two words of unwarranted advice and successfully grating on her last remaining nerve as she answered press questions on the way to her car.  
  
“Smile, love.”  
  
_The fucking nerve._  
  
Hillary gritted her teeth and ignored his probing commentary that followed, patronizingly questioning whether or not she was _really_ enjoying the campaign and if perhaps it was all becoming _too much_ for her based solely on the fact she wasn’t beaming from ear to ear as often as he apparently would have liked her to be. How Hillary longed to turn around and ask him when the last time he had asked one of the men that very same question was. But she knew from experience it sadly wasn’t worth the backlash that would inevitably follow. She usually had an incredibly thick skin for such things, and as a woman in politics god knows she needed it, but with the combination of little to no sleep, plus the rough and tumble of the campaign as well as her current feelings towards her democratic opponent weighing on her mind, her tolerance levels towards the glaring double standards were wearing dangerously thin.  
  
She just about managed to bottle up her days worth of frustration, letting it all simmer away inside of her until finally she was dropped back off at her hotel for the night and was able to escape into the welcome privacy of her room. Hillary bid goodnight to her team and burst through the door, slamming it hard enough behind her that a vaguely satisfying bang echoed off the walls. She kicked off her heels so forcefully that one of them ended up on the other side of the room and then dumped the heavy stack of briefing papers she was carrying onto the bedside table with an irritable sigh.

Seeking any kind of distraction after the stresses of her day, she reached for the remote control and switched on the television set. Which immediately turned out to be a mistake, as the smooth voice of the very man she had been trying to avoid thinking about suddenly flooded her hotel room.  
  
_“And that is why I firmly believe the way to make our economy grow is to invest in our people, our children’s education, our workers skills…”_  
  
_Great._ Hillary sighed with a groan, _that was the last thing she needed._  
  
She quickly flicked through the limited number of channels covered by the hotel network, desperately searching to find something else to fill the lonely silence of the empty room but her frustration only increased as she was unable to find anything else decent and eventually landed right back on the coverage of Bill’s speech again. Hillary glared at him through the screen in annoyance, stood behind his podium, flashing that very same charismatic smile he had used to charm her so many times before now flashed towards the adoring crowd who erupted into cheers and applause and drinking in his every word. Hillary rolled her eyes as the camera panned back from the enthusiasm of the crowds to him grinning and waving and giving them his trademark Clinton thumbs up. She had always been so impressed by his skill for public speaking in the past, in awe of his ability to draw on the energies of a crowd and lift them up with him. But now she was in no mood to be impressed by him, and suddenly feeling as though she’d endured enough of that smug smile to last her a lifetime Hillary reached for the remote to switch the coverage off completely when his voice cut through the applause again.  
  
_“They believe that you make an economy grow by putting money first, well I believe you make an economy grow in a global economy by putting people first.”_  
  
She hesitated against her initial impulse, her finger hovering over the button and willing herself to press it yet she couldn’t help finding herself being drawn back in...she really did hate working in silence…maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to listen to him speak just for a little while. _Purely from a campaign strategic point of view of course,_ she quickly reasoned.    
  
Hillary flopped herself down onto the sheets of the neatly made bed and settled against the cooling fresh cotton of the pillow, her blonde hair fanning out around her as she reached for her binder and began to carefully go over her prepared remarks for tomorrow’s events, scrawling a few notes here and there as her quick thoughts flowed through a steady stream of black ink onto the page. Bill’s voice continued in the background, partially relegated to white noise as her interest was captured by her own speech. But as the minutes passed and she made her final few edits, her attention slowly began to drift back up to the screen and she found herself begrudgingly being pulled back in by the man on the screen again.  
  
She shifted slightly uncomfortably on the bed, the temperature of the room seemingly rising around her which she did her best to ignore as she glanced back up toward the television. Bill’s low, husky voice, so alive with passion always did have the ability to touch every nerve in her body.  
  
Her throat was beginning to dry and she swallowed hard, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to clear her thoughts. _Fuck Bill Clinton,_ she muttered to herself, then immediately wished she had chosen a slightly different turn of phrase. She opened her eyes and her gaze fell to his hands, punching through the air and emphasizing his points with those long and elegant fingers. Hillary inadvertently squeezed her thighs together, memories of those hands on her body flooding back into her mind as a familiar sensation began to build between her legs.  
  
_No way._ She wasn’t letting him affect her like this.  
  
She threw the remote down and fiercely picked up her briefing papers again, burying her attention in streams of information and trying her best to block out the television which, for reasons she didn’t care to admit, she still hadn’t quite been able to bring herself to switch off. Grasping tightly onto what little was left of her focus she scanned the page of her notes closely, only realizing once she reached the bottom of the sheet that she hadn’t absorbed a single word. Shoving her papers aside again in irritation she shuffled her position on the bed, desperately seeking out a cool spot on the sheets to soothe the growing heat of her body as she squirmed defiantly against the growing tingling between her legs. Despite her determined efforts to fight against it, her attention once again drifted back up to Bill on the screen, coaxing her with his expressive hands and ultimately shattering what little was left of her resolve as he drew her back in with his magnetic pull.  
  
Internally wrestling with the competing forces of her annoyance and her building arousal, both of which were elicited by him, Hillary finally reasoned with herself that the purely practical thing to do would be to relieve herself of some of the tension preventing her from concentrating. _After all, she’d had an intensely stressful few days._ She deserved a little bit of time to herself to relax. _Nothing to do with Bill and the effect he was having on her whatsoever._  
  
Satisfied with the bullshit excuse she had managed to concoct for herself, she gave in and allowed her hand to slowly trail down her body as her eyes slipped shut and enhanced the rest of her senses. Sliding beneath the waistband of her skirt she came into contact with wet cotton clinging to her center, and she let out a soft sigh as she began to rub herself through the fabric in slow circles.  
  
“Mmmh,” she exhaled a long steady breath of relief at the much needed friction she was creating between her fingers and the fabric pressed against her most sensitive area as she gently massaged herself. She felt the tension slowly unwinding in her center already and she bit down on her lower lip as the pleasure began to take over her body.  
  
_She definitely needed this._  
  
Hillary’s eyes fluttered between open and closed as her hand continued its well practiced movements between her legs, her nerve endings inflamed and her skin flushed and pink as her body quivered in response to the stimulation of her own touch. Her breathing quickened as she felt herself getting closer and she slipped her hand beneath her panties, feeling the slippery wetness pooled into the fabric and her own enticing scent lingering in the air around her. She swirled her fingertips around her entrance for a moment, savoring the silky softness before finally sinking two fingers into her tight velvety heat, craving that sense of fullness she was longing for and briefly wishing she hadn’t decided against bringing a particularly sleek helping object along with her on the campaign trail. _She would just have to make do without it._  
  
Feeling the warmth of her own slickness coating her fingers she slid slowly in and out, skillfully stroking as her palm pressed against her clit and ignited every one of her senses. Hillary’s eyes slipped closed as she lost herself in the sensation and for a moment all she could see was Bill. His comforting weight moving on top of her, his thick hardness throbbing inside of her, his hips pushing against hers, rolling against her clit…  
  
_“Ohhhh yess...”_  
  
Hillary opened her eyes again at the soft sound of her own voice and she quickly shook that image from her mind, determined to focus on herself and choosing to ignore the thick increase of moisture between her legs brought on by her fantasizing.  
  
Intensifying the pace, her increased wetness allowed her fingers to go a little deeper and she lifted her hips off the bed slightly to meet with each of her strokes. She fought against the urge to cry out, having never quite trusted the soundproofing of hotel room walls. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut she threw her head back against the pillow, blonde hair splayed out in every direction as her arousal climbed higher and higher, the desperate need to come overpowering everything else. With her eyes closed, her mind once again formulated the same images as before, but by this point she was too far gone to care. She could feel the tiny ripples of muscles beginning to flutter, and her thighs began to tense and quiver as her whole body tightened and she came around her fingers.  
  
Her back arched towards the ceiling as the waves of pleasure surged through her, the softest whimpers of ecstasy pouring from her lips as her mouth opened and one single breathy word laced with longing echoed through the silent room.  
  
_“Bill-"_  
  
Once Hillary finally came down from her climax her eyes snapped open again as she realized what she had said.

Despite her now sated state of satisfaction she felt annoyed with herself. And him. For reasons she was struggling to clarify in her slightly hazed post-orgasm mindset.    
  
She removed her hand from beneath her skirt and hoisted herself up off the bed, heading towards the shower and stripping herself of the mess she had made of her underwear. Switching the dial right down to cool, she tied up her hair and discarded the rest of her clothes before stepping under the steady stream of water, the coldness ridding her body of any lingering arousal and washing away the heat from her skin.

That was it, enough was enough. It was time to get Bill Clinton out of her head once and for all.

  
But out of her head was one thing. Out of her heart, on the other hand, was a task that would prove to be considerably more difficult.


	21. Firestorm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone who leaves such kind comments on this, it always makes me smile and motivates me to push through my procrastination! I'm hoping to try and update once more this week if I can, because this story is starting to draw to a close and I want to try and get it finished before essays and deadlines get too much in the way of me being able to regularly update and losing the momentum! 
> 
> Anyway, fireworks time...

As the final weeks of the primaries began closing in the next big news to hit was the crashing and burning of Jerry Brown’s candidacy. Already lagging behind in the polls with the unpopularity of his radical proposal of a flat tax, he had made a strategic move to try and win back some of his popularity with the general electorate by recording a segment for a late night talk show. A decision that may well have paid off for him had it not been for the unfortunate conversation captured on tape at very the end of the show, after he believed the microphones were no longer live.  
  
_“At least those debates are behind you now, eh?” The chat show host leaned in as the cameras panned away from them and toward closing shots of the audience. The audio recording however, continued._  
  
_“Oh yes, yes I think that was a relief to us all.” Jerry replied with a smile._  
  
_“I saw you were standing beside Senator Rodham for most of them. Tell me, is that grating voice of hers as shrill in real life as it sounded on television?”_  
  
_Jerry chuckled, loosening up under the false sense of security that they were now chatting off the record. “I’ll tell you, it was a little bit like being stood next to my ex, the way she goes on and on just incessantly. I’m surprised she doesn’t give herself jaw ache up with that amount of nagging on a constant basis.”_  
  
_“Well I can certainly think of a much more enjoyable way to give her jaw ache.”_

_The two men laughed before Jerry mumbled his agreement._  
  
_“Mm-hm, you know that sure might be the only way to keep her quiet for a while.”_  
  
It wasn’t long before Brown’s comments were splashed across the front page of almost every news outlet in the country. Several republican strategists who felt strongly that Hillary was a real threat to their chances in November immediately endorsed his remarks, some adding further crude commentary of their own much to Jerry’s horror. Despite his desperate attempt to apologize and backtrack from his comments, the damage had already been done and his credibility and popularity plummeted once again, losing his very slight lead in Wisconsin and New York and his chances of winning the nomination rapidly slipped away. Combined with his already waning public support in comparison to the two front runners, the backlash had been irreversible and his candidacy was considered all but dead in the water as the large majority of democrats throughout the country expressed the extent of their outrage and offense. And none other apparently more so, than Governor Bill Clinton.  
  
The minute Bill had heard Jerry’s comments his blood reached boiling point. His advisors were urging him to strike back and make it crystal clear that he does not condone those types of remarks, and while Bill had been determined to run a campaign focused solely on the issues without the use of personal attacks, hearing Hillary spoken about like that was something he simply could not and would not complicity stand by and say nothing about.  
  
Bill held an impromptu and fiery press conference which quickly received widespread media attention of its own. Still seeing red and speaking at the height of his anger, Bill slammed Jerry Brown ruthlessly and made his distaste for those kinds of sexist jokes undeniably evident.  
  
_“I actually feel sorry for Jerry Brown, I served with him as Governor in the late 70s and he reinvents himself every year or two and I think this now is the first real glimpse we’re getting into who he really is, and he ought to be thoroughly ashamed of himself. I am absolutely outraged for Senator Rodham that he has been entering into such abhorrent degrading and objectifying rhetoric directed towards the only female candidate currently running for president or indeed, about any woman. That kind of talk is not representative of who we are and the American people should not stand for it.”_  
  
His impassioned and heated words were broadcast far and wide and it wasn’t long before they reached Hillary herself, who had so far declined to comment on the entire scandal. Standing alone in the back room of a gymnasium where she had just held a rally, Hillary watched Bill’s passionately fueled defense of her on a tiny blinking television screen and a swirling cocktail of all her incredibly confused feelings toward him rose to the surface once again.  
  
Still deeply hurt and deeply angry, she had been trying so hard not to think about Bill and to focus on the race instead. But focusing on the race when the very person you’re trying to avoid thinking about is the exact person who you’re running against was proving to be a damn near impossible task to say the least. And now there _he_ was, drawing further media attention to her own embarrassment and ridicule and speaking on her behalf as if she didn’t have a mind of her own. _Who exactly did Bill Clinton think he was?_  
  
Hillary gripped the television remote until her knuckles turned white as she watched the footage on repeat, the same smooth southern accent she once found so alluring now grating on her every nerve, rage simmering and her thoughts racing through her mind over and over until finally she could no longer keep them trapped there.  
  
“Betsey!” She called through the crack in the door where her team were anxiously waiting for her to confirm their next move. Betsey swung the door open to find a red faced and furious Hillary tapping her foot impatiently and beckoning her out into the corridor.  
  
“Find out Governor Clinton’s movements on the campaign trail tonight and arrange for us to cross paths as soon as humanly possible. We’ll be making a detour to see him before I speak to the press tomorrow.”

  
_____________________________

  
Luckily, Bill was campaigning only two states over, and by nightfall a weary Team Rodham and an increasingly irritable Hillary arrived outside the hotel they had discovered the Governor was staying at. Hillary slipped in through the side entrance and walked confidently down the lobby and up the stairs, all the while digging her fingernails into her palms.  
  
After a brief inconspicuous search she successfully found the floor of the hotel with the most security personnel loitering around, and she approached the door at the end of the hall where two suited men were stationed on either side.  
  
“I’m here to see Governor Clinton.”  
  
The two men glanced at each other with a look of trepidation, but her tone was not one to be argued with and having grown used to discreetly turning a blind eye to Hillary’s involvement with their boss over the past months, they allowed her access into the room.  
  
She swung the door open and slammed it shut behind her with such a thunderous crash that a pile of precariously stacked books toppled from the nightstand. Bill, who was stood in front of the mirror on the other side of the room in the middle of removing his tie, caught sight of her reflected in the glass and whipped around in amazement.  
  
“ _Hillary?_ What the-”  
  
“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” She lay into him immediately. “Are you deliberately trying to undermine my campaign now?”  
  
“What? What the hell are you talking about Hillary I was defending you! What the hell are you even doing here?”  
  
“I don’t need you to defend me Bill Clinton. I’m not one of your pathetic little damsels in distress who needs you to leap to my rescue every single time somebody says something bad about me.”  
  
“I wasn’t leaping to your rescue for gods sake I was just condemning the way he spoke about you, that’s all.”  
  
“Well I don’t need you to condemn things on my behalf. You know I’ve had plenty of practice dealing with these type of things all by myself since the _last_ time you made a huge decision on my behalf.”  
  
Bill rolled his eyes in disbelief, his own temper rising as he threw his papers down onto the desk. “Oh right, so that’s where all this is _really_ coming from is it? All this pent up anger? How many times exactly do you want me to say I’m sorry Hillary because I am. I’m fucking sorry okay? I don’t know what else you want me to do.”  
  
“Sorry isn’t going to give me my life back Bill. There isn’t any fixing what you did.”  
  
“So why are you even here then? If you hate me that much and don’t see any future for us beyond this then why did you even bother wasting your time coming here?”  
  
Hillary clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth in disbelief at his sheer nerve. “I came here because you made look like a pathetic little woman who can’t stick up for herself. Or was that your plan all along? Hm? Make me look weak to the voters as the poor little victim who can’t even fight her own battles.”  
  
“For gods sake Hillary, I was just mad okay? I didn’t want him getting away with talking about you like that.”  
  
Hillary noticed the uncomfortable shift in his stance and suddenly a realization clicked. “Ohh I _see._ ”  
  
“Hillary-“  
  
“So this wasn’t about defending me at all was it? You were just _jealous._ ” Her eyes shone with the brief triumph of hitting the nail on the head, masking all of the hurt and betrayal still simmering away inside of her and Bill folded his arms defensively.  
  
“Oh don’t be so ridiculous. Of course I wasn’t jealous, he was fucking degrading you.”  
  
“And that was _really_ the reason why you lashed out was it? Moral Obligation?” She tested, edging dangerously closer towards him and staring him down intensely. “Or did you just not like that fact that it was _somebody else_ thinking about me that way?”  
  
“For fucks sake Hillary I was just trying to do the right thing.”  
  
“Oh is that going to be your pathetic excuse for everything now? I’m not your little possession you can keep toying with Bill. You don’t own me. You didn’t then and you don’t now.” The scorn of her tone singed him, her fiery gaze burning as she raised her voice and her demeaning words finally tipped his temper over the edge as he yelled back at her.  
  
“So why are you still fucking standing here then? If you despise me so much you know where the door is.”  
  
“Fine!” She shouted back furiously, now merely inches away from his face. “Clearly I should have used it a long goddamn time ago.”  
  
She shoved him back to make her move toward the door when he suddenly countered her action, reached out for her wrist and pulled her back towards him, grabbing her face and kissing her hard. Hillary gasped in surprise into the roughness of his lips moving against hers, the surge of rage and heat coursing through both of their bodies heightening everything as they pressed forcefully against each other, internally wrestling between the urge to pull away and the urge to take things further.  
  
As the kiss deepened Hillary finally managed to grasp back a hold on her sanity and and firmly push the broadness of his chest away from her, but his grip on her shoulders remained.  
  
“What are you doing?” She panted as she tried to catch her breath back, eyes blazing into his yet little conviction in her words as she made a half-hearted attempt to release herself from his hold.  
  
“What I should have done that very first night you stormed into my office all fired up.” Bill slid his hand down her lower back, feeling every inch of her curves and pulling her closer against him. “After all that’s what you really wanted, wasn’t it? You didn’t travel all that way just to have a fight with me…you came to fuck it out.”  
  
Hillary couldn’t prevent the groan from escaping the back of her throat as his words sent a thickness of moisture settling between her thighs and she shivered.  
  
“Didn’t you?” Bill’s grip on her tightened and she felt as though every nerve ending in her body was bursting with fire but she refused to grant him an answer. Even with the intense combination of anger and arousal blazing through her body her anger still burned brighter, and she was not even close to giving up the fight and being lured into submissiveness.  
  
She pushed him away from her roughly for a moment before backing him up against the opposite wall, fighting for the dominance and crashing their lips forcefully together again so that she was the one driving things.  
  
“Left me disappointed though didn’t you?” She taunted in a murmur against his ear between kisses, bringing her small hand down between them to cup his growing arousal through his pants. “Couldn’t even manage that.”  
  
He snatched her hand away angrily and pinned it to the wall behind them, his breath hot and heavy on her exposed neck as he whispered back in an antagonizing tone.  
  
“Did you go home that night and do my job for me then, hm?” His touch trailed down the front of her body and lingered at the waistband of her skirt. “Hand stuffed down that smart little skirt suit thinking of me and hating me for it?”  
  
The throbbing between her legs was growing unbearable and she fought against the urge to let him continue and shoved his hand away.  
  
“Get off me Bill.”  
  
Their hands battled against each other as she tried to push him away, fingers tangling together and the contact of their skin sending bolts of electricity sparking through them both, threatening to overthrow what little grasp they had left on their clarity.

“Are you sure you got those words the right way round?”  
  
“Fuck you-"  
  
Hillary inched even closer to his face, seething with anger and he immediately countered her action by taking a step towards her of his own.  
  
The tension in the room was thick and tangible as their eyes blazed into one another, red-faced and furious and staring each other down with all the intensity of their white hot rage coupled with the deepest hurt and burning desire all boiling beneath the surface until suddenly, they both found their lips roughly locking against each other again as their remaining resolve finally and simultaneously shattered.  
  
The enraged shouting match that had pierced the room only moments before was quickly replaced with gasps and groans as they pressed hastily against each other, feeling the heat radiating from their bodies and pouring every last pent up torrent of emotions into each other as they finally gave into their physical desire. Hillary wrapped her arms around Bill’s shoulders as his large hands gripped tightly through her golden hair, pulling her closer and grinding against her. He felt consumed with the need to kiss her everywhere at once as he captured her lips before trailing down to the pale column of her slender neck, placing open-mouthed kisses along her sensitive skin before sucking hard enough to leave a satisfying mark. Hillary whimpered at the sensation, her mind void of any other rationalization besides how much she wanted him in that moment.  
  
Moving at a frantic pace and fueled by the passion of their anger at one another they found themselves backed up against the desk in the corner of the room, tongues still diving forcefully in their joined mouths and both seeking dominance. Hillary’s hands went straight for Bill’s belt, aching to feel him so desperately she could hardly think straight and she fumbled quickly with the buckle and zipper while he roughly hitched her skirt up her legs and bunched it around her waist. Grabbing onto the curve of her hips Bill aided her hurried movements up onto the desk, smooth thighs falling open as he positioned himself standing between them and hooked two slender fingers into the waistband of her panties, dragging the damp fabric down to her ankles where they fell around her sleek black high heels.  
  
Once Hillary finally managed to rid Bill of his pants and briefs he didn’t waste any time bothering to step out of them. She reached down between them and gripped him, getting a surge of thrill at feeling him hard and thick and throbbing for her in her soft hand after so long. She gave him a quick stroke as she guided him towards the heat between her legs, now dripping onto the desk and more than ready for him. They exchanged a split second glance of confirmation before finally joining, clearing the red haze of anger and passion just long enough to be sure that they both wanted this. Heady desire and a deeply held love still present and reflected in her eyes behind her rage, Hillary gave a desperate nod as Bill finally buried himself inside of her and they both cried out in satisfaction.  
  
“ _Bill-_ " Hillary moaned against his ear, her hot breath tickling against his skin as he started moving inside her and she was completely overwhelmed at the feeling of being so intensely full again.  
  
“Fuck,” Bill bit down on his lower lip as he pulled almost all the way out before slamming back into her with a forceful thrust. Both were acutely aware that this wasn’t going to last long by any means, quickly setting a pace that matched the haste of their earlier rage and frustration, pouring everything into each other and slowly unfurling into pure and intoxicating desire.  
  
“Is this what you wanted Hillary?” Bill panted roughly against her ear breathlessly. “Conveniently forgetting how the telephone works just as an excuse to come all this way and have all that anger fucked out of you?”    
  
“You are so insufferably arrogant Bill Clinto- _ohhhhh,_ ” her breath and her words got caught in her throat and the tail-end of her sentence was lost in the most sensual moans, instantly bringing a triumphant smirk to Bill’s face.  
  
“It’s not arrogance if it’s true.”  
  
“Shut up.” She snapped back angrily while simultaneously wrapping her legs even tighter around his back, pulling him deeper inside of her. “ _Ohh god-_ "  
  
Bill circled his hips against her roughly, relieving her swollen clit of its aching need for some stimulation and her eyes squeezed tightly shut in response. He could feel her inner muscles rippling tightly around him and he was barely hanging on by a thread.  
  
“Hillary-“ Bill groaned out urgently, his tone suddenly void of all earlier aggravation and replaced by the desperate need to come and to make her come with him. “ _I-_ "  
  
She opened her eyes just in time to see the intense fire reflected in his, wordlessly exchanging all that their breathless gasps and whimpers were rendering inaudible. Her nails were digging hard into his back now, leaving behind little indentations of her mark on him as he pounded into her harder, both of their control spiraling. With one final push and grind against her clit he felt her coming undone around him, slicker and tighter and rapidly pulling him over the edge with her. They both cried out at the feeling of him spilling himself deep inside of her and Bill grabbed onto the table for support as he slumped over, completely spent.     
  
The atmosphere slowly settled around them, the exhilarating high of their anger fueled passion lifting and the weight of what they had allowed to transpire between them in the heat of the moment washed over them. They reluctantly eased apart and Hillary suddenly felt horrified with herself for giving in so unexpectedly. Unable to even look him in the eye she hastily tugged her skirt back down and lifted herself off the desk towards the door.  
  
“Wait-" Bill reached out to her hand and Hillary was expecting him to grab it again, but instead she found his touch soft, gently caressing her little finger and pulling her back earnestly towards him. “Please don’t leave like this honey. Let me clean you up at least?”  
  
Hillary didn’t stay anything, but stood silently while Bill crossed the floor to the washroom and returned a moment later with a warm damp cloth.  
  
To her surprise, Hillary found her eyes filling with unexpected tears as Bill tenderly wiped between her legs before helping her step back into her underwear, holding onto his broad shoulders for support.  
  
“Shhhh…” He rubbed her back in steady circles as her sobs became audible and he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead as a silence fell between them. “I really am sorry you know.”  
  
“I know.” Hillary finally whimpered in reply, her voice now hollow and lonely and void of any of the fierce fight that was present in her only moments before. “I just don’t know where we go from here.”  
  
She fell into his waiting embrace and he stroked her golden hair, soothing and comforting her as he whispered to her ear.  
  
“Listen to me, we’re gonna find a way through this, I promise. However long it takes, however long you need. I know I let you down Hillary, I took seventeen years away from us that I can never give back, but I _can_ give you this time. So I’ll be here waiting for you. Whenever and if ever you can find it in your heart to come back to me, I’ll be here.”  
  
Another stream of tears began to fall down Hillary’s cheeks, following the same track the others had trailed before Bill gently wiped them away with the pad of his thumb.  
  
They lay together, mostly silently, for the rest of that night. Wrapped in the simplistic comfort of just existing together, until morning inevitably came and the inescapable reality of their present situation lay claim on them both once again, dividing their paths and dragging them back on their separate ways...


	22. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a painful filler chapter before things properly progress again between the two of them, but I needed to push the plot along a bit to stop this story from going on forever without actually getting anywhere! 
> 
> Also I'm going to just reiterate the disclaimer I posted at the very beginning of this ~ that this is 100% fiction and 100% alternate universe ~
> 
> (Sorry Bill, I promise there will be a happy ending for you too eventually!)

_Gennifer fucking Flowers._  
  
Bill sank back into what little comfort his chair offered as he watched the headlines come rolling in and the woman he’d barely thought about since the early 80s, and whom he certainly never imagined he’d ever see again, stood proudly on the screen in front of him embroidering her tale for all it was worth. Flipping her platinum blonde hair over her shoulders she solemnly addressed the nation through crimson painted lips, the press drinking in her every word like flies to the sweetest honey.  
  
_He should have known his indiscretions would inevitably come back to haunt him one way or another._  
  
The pressure cooker of media coverage surrounding Bill's rumored numerous romantic involvements had been slowly building momentum over the past few weeks, with various women being named in the tabloids and consequentially coming forward with their stories of his repeated casual intimacy with them. Some were lies. Most, he was ashamed to admit, were not. After his first election as Governor he knew his problem with his now widely reported ‘womanizing’ had spiraled, and he had of course eventually sought help and worked through the issues that were at the root of his reckless behavior. But not before he had accumulated quite a messy trail of relationships and affairs in his wake, and being the charismatic person that he always had been, many of the women had fallen hard for his charm and believed their relationship to be more than it was. And Bill, perhaps out of obliviousness, or perhaps loneliness, did little to disillusion them of that fact. And now it was coming back to bite him. Hard.  
  
_“The truth is, I loved him.”_  
  
Gennifer’s monotone voice pierced through the television screen into him like a sharp slap to the face, and he shook his head in disbelief as he continued to listen as she spun her story and effectively took a hammer and brought it down to shatter what remained of his credibility. Stories of phone calls and promises and declarations of love, all for the most part exaggerated. But still a hint of truth lay there. And often, Bill had long since come to realize, a hint of truth was all that people really needed to be latch onto something and build their beliefs upon it.  
  
_Had he known that she was in love with him?_ Perhaps. Somewhere in the back of his mind he supposed he had to have been aware. But had he _acknowledged_ it and done anything to make it clear that those feelings were not reciprocated? _Of course he hadn’t._ Because _his_ truth was that while all these women were getting caught up in his orbit, all believing that they were the only one while he effectively jumped from bed to bed, there was only one woman who had ever truly held his heart. And her absence in his life had left a gaping void that he had desperately tried to fill with virtually anyone and everyone else, longing to feel what he had once felt with her but it had never been enough. Never even close.  
  
Although Bill wasn’t that person anymore and he now understood a lot more about what was really at the root of his behavior, he still felt thoroughly ashamed when he thought back on the way he had so carelessly drawn women in and then tossed them right back aside again and moved on to the next one, so consumed with his own heartache that he had barely considered the reality of theirs at the hands of him.  
  
No wonder so many of them had an axe to grind with him now, wanted to see him as humiliated and defeated as he had left them.  
  
_“I’m sick of all the deceit, and I’m sick of all of the lies.”_  
  
Gennifer’s words echoed through Bill’s mind long after he had switched off the television set. Among all the embellishments of her tale; all the juicy narrative of fiction woven in and around the truth for the benefit of the glossy pages of the tabloids, that single statement of hers was the one and only he could truly wholeheartedly agree with. Bill had indeed learned the hard way just how high a price lies came with, and it was a price that seemed now as though he would never be free to stop paying.  
  
That night Bill sought refuge at Peter’s home, away from glare of the media’s scrutiny and free to finally express the sheer emotional toll that the reopening of such raw past wounds at such a crucial time had inflicted on him. His regrets and his despairs all poured out as he leaned on the steady shoulders of his best friend who consoled and tried his best to encourage him, a familiar setup they had engaged in many a time before over the years. Aside from Hillary, Peter had always understood Bill better than anyone. He’d been there through all of his struggles going right back to when he was just a little boy so desperately trying to protect his mother. It broke his heart to see him now, so consumed with regret and the pain of what might have been.

He’d come so far and through so much, and Peter was determined that they weren’t going down without a fight.      
  
Together they devised a strategy on how to best move forward with the campaign and keep their heads above water, and after much debating and deliberating with a team of advisers, they eventually decided to accept an offer for Bill to make an appearance on 60 Minutes. An attempt to claw back some of his credibility and hopefully reinforce the view that his personal life and conduct had little to do with his ability to serve the American people and to focus on the issues.  
  
Unfortunately for the Clinton campaign, this did not achieve the effect they had hoped for.  
  
Almost immediately after his interview aired, the headlines slamming him were rolling in thicker and faster than ever; criticism of his conduct, questioning of his character, insistence that his refusal to give a clear concise answer on the matter and citing it as private was as good as an admission of guilt. The ground was rapidly shaking beneath him, and the moment he stepped out in public he felt the full weight of what he was dealing with come crashing down around him. While he longed to put the issue behind him once and for all, to leave it in the past where he believed it belonged and have a real discussion about the economy and healthcare and his plans, all he was greeted by instead was a swarm of questions from the press, all desperate for the juiciest scoop as they closed in on the he-said-she-said nature of the allegations.  
  
“Governor Clinton are you considering dropping out of the race?”  
  
“What is your response to Ms. Flowers’ allegation that you asked her to stay quiet about your relationship?”  
  
“Were there other women involved at the time?”     
  
“Do you feel that you abused your position of power and trust as Governor?”  
  
Suddenly, it seemed as though nobody was interested in anything else.  

  
_____________________________

  
  
Over in Chicago, Hillary stood in her own campaign headquarters watching everything unfold on television with folded arms and a carefully constructed blank expression. As her opponent, she knew this could well be the story that tipped the numbers in her favor and propelled her to be the likely nominee. But as somebody who cared so deeply about the man under such intense fire and who understood the struggle he had battled his inner demons over this, her heart was painfully heavy for him. Watching him on the screen simply inundated with relentless tactless questions and jeering and probing, behind his calm and collected demeanor all she could suddenly see was the face of a young Bill Clinton. _Her Bill Clinton_. That same vulnerable look in his eyes that seldom few people ever caught. But she always did. She always had been the one aware of his fragilities, his weaknesses which were now being exploited and used for all they were worth under the burning spotlight of the national stage. Every camera glaring at him trying to capture something untoward, every question posed at him designed to catch him out, to trap him into twisting his words.  
  
Hillary had never felt so internally conflicted and for the first time since she began this journey, she wished for a brief moment that she wasn’t running at all, wished that she could go to him, comfort him, and most importantly, defend him. She knew the image of a single man defending his own behavior with women was falling short, and it was not one that was sitting at all well with the American people.  
  
_If he had only had a wife or long term partner, a reformed family man image..._ it pained her to think about how different things may have turned out.  
  
Another person with those exact same thoughts running through their heads was Betsey Wright. Campaign strategist, and now campaign manager to Hillary following the departure of Sara Ehrnman, she was also watching the coverage on television with a somewhat heavy heart and privately calculating all the ways in which she would have handled it better. Like Hillary, she had also seen so much potential in Bill when she had first met the two of them right back in the 70s. The brightness of his future was crystal clear from the moment he opened his mouth. But it didn’t take her long to asses the one area that could potentially hold him back from all of it, the one weakness that could be his downfall if it wasn’t managed and handled correctly, which it now hadn’t been. And now Bill was undoubtedly paying that price too.  
  
Betsey fully entered the room from where she had been loitering in the doorway and approached Hillary tentatively, placing a comforting hand on her shoulders and she was somewhat taken by surprise when Hillary returned the gesture and slipped her own arm around her. Although neither women were usually ones for sudden displays of physical affection, in that moment the need for comfort became greater than the carefully instilled inclination to keep everything safely at bay below the surface and to maintain a strong and steeled composure, never revealing a hint of a crack in the facade to the watching world who constantly waited for them to fall.  
  
“I didn’t want it to happen like this.” Hillary’s hollow, despairing voice finally cut through the room over the sound of the television.  
  
“I know, love.” Betsey nodded back her understanding and wrapped her arm around Hillary a little tighter.  
  
“I mean, of course we’ve known all along that only one of us was going to be the nominee…but he didn’t deserve to be ruined like this Betsey.” Hillary paused before adding, “You know he really is such a good man.”  
  
Betsey sensed that last comment was more directed to Hillary herself rather than anyone else, and she gave her a comforting squeeze. “Despite all of this, you do know he would be happy for you if you get the nomination, don’t you?”  
  
Hillary didn’t respond, and so Betsey tried a different approach.  
  
“You would be happy for him wouldn’t you?”  
  
“Of course!” Hillary answered immediately, unwittingly contradicting her own doubts with her defensive reaction to the reverse situation and Betsey smiled.  
  
“Well then, just think of all the values you share, the same vision you have for the country, not to mention the historical nature of your candidacy.” Betsey took a breath, watching her friends brilliant mind calculate and weigh everything up. “I know this isn’t the way any of us were expecting things to turn out, but I think he’d be very proud of you…and I’m sure there’s nobody else he’d rather be defeated by than you.”  
  
Hillary let her words settle for a moment, encouraged but still disheartened as she finally decided that the only way she was going to get some clarity out of this would be to press on as normal. Whatever normal was, when you were running a close primary presidential campaign against the love of your life.  
  
“Well the race isn’t over yet.”

  
_____________________________

  
  
But over the coming days, things continued to go from bad to worse for the Clinton Campaign. More women came forward with increasingly salacious stories fabricated and paid for by the right wing media; more press conferences were held and televised to the nation, illicit details of affairs and affairs during affairs, one night stands who weren’t even the only one that night. It was painful to watch, and Bill’s standing with the electorate plummeted as more and more tales continued to pour in. His previous tactic of denial was no longer a viable option given the number of testimonies stacked against him, and the polls had gone from neck and neck between him and Hillary, to him falling at a momentum that nothing seemed able to bring him back from.

The damage was lasting, and after falling irreparably short of delegates in California and Ohio, the outcome was soon to become painfully clear; Bill Clinton’s candidacy was up in smoke.

 

> _But, from the flames and ashes of destruction, still a phoenix rises…_


	23. Rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just a couple chapters left of this now, and I'm sure everyone's kind of guessed what's going to happen xD (and yeah in terms of plausibility at the time I know this is incredibly incredibly unlikely to have turned out this way...but...in this alternate fictional version of the universe let's just say anything is possible!)

“What would you say to those who think America isn’t ready for a female commander-in-chief, and who just aren’t comfortable with the idea?”  
  
Hillary stood in the center of the hall, clutching tightly to her microphone as the smartly suited staff member moderating the forum picked out this woman’s question among the hundreds of outstretched arms.  
  
Following the tumultuous effects of the Gennifer Flowers scandal for the Clinton campaign, according to all major news outlets Senator Hillary Rodham would almost certainly be the presumptive democratic nominee. But Hillary didn’t like presumptions. A lot of people around her were acting as though the primary race was already won and while there was some level of truth in that, a somewhat nervous Hillary was still spending most of her efforts instilling reminders in her staff that _“it’s not over till it’s over.”_ She was determined to close the primaries on strong footing no matter how secure the nomination was.  
  
Bill was still in the race after all. Despite the numbers now looking to have little conceivable chance of working in his favor, he was determined to see things through to the end and Hillary respected that. It had been an intensely close race, and with him having led in the polls for a great deal of it Hillary felt sure that had the situation been reversed she would have wanted to do the exact same.    
  
And so the campaign continued hurtling towards the finishing line, and as the final days of the primaries began drawing to a close Hillary tried her utmost to pour all her focus into getting through each day at a time, blitzing across the last few states and meticulously following her schedule, not allowing herself to get caught up in jumping ahead. _One rally at a time, one speech at a time. It’s not over till it’s over._  
  
This particular day was her final scheduled town hall. She had answered a huge chunk of policy questions ranging from healthcare to the economy, and now as the end of the event was winding down a couple more personal questions were being voiced.  
  
_“What would you say to those who think America isn’t ready for a female commander-in-chief, and who just aren’t comfortable with the idea?”_  
  
It was an all important question, and one to which she’d had a pre-rehearsed stock answer ready to go for some time. But now that the moment had come and all eyes were on her she was feeling the intense pressure to really get this right. She could almost hear her own heart racing and the cogs in her brain whirring as she mentally went over her response, fully aware of the impact her answer could carry through the entire remainder campaign.  
  
“I think…” Hillary began slowly, weighing up her words painstakingly carefully after having learned the hard way about the selective nature of soundbites, how easy it was to twist something out of context and report a completely different story from the one that actually occurred. She knew she couldn’t afford for that to happen with a weighted question like this one. “…I think that we are almost never completely ready for change, and if we wait around until we are all comfortable enough for it then change will never happen. I think as a country, as well as individuals, we ought to strive to embrace change as it comes because in my opinion, there will never be a ‘right time’ to break down those barriers in society and in people’s thinking. There’s only now and what we do in this moment that carries us forward and determines the next.”  
  
A ripple of applause echoed throughout the hall, and Hillary felt the energy and enthusiasm fueling right back into her.  
  
“I’m not asking anybody to vote for me simply because I’m a woman,” she continued, weaving in one of her staple rally set pieces as her confidence rose, “I am asking for people to vote for me on the merits, and I think one of the merits is that I’m a woman and I can bring those views and perspectives to the White House.”  
  
The response was rousing as people cheered and some waved their campaign signs in fierce support. The woman who had asked the question smiled and thanked Hillary for her answer before taking her seat again, and Hillary felt a wave of relief and satisfaction wash over her that she’d managed to hit that incredibly polarizing issue in her candidacy with an answer that seemed to resonate.  
  
Half an hour later the town hall came to a close, and Hillary was shaking hands and interacting with supporters on the rope line when she was suddenly intercepted by her most senior staff and ushered somewhat frantically into the holding room.

“What’s going on?” Hillary raised an eyebrow once the door closed behind them and she surveyed the evident hustle and bustle of barely contained excitement among her usually level headed team. Somebody quickly grappled for the television remote to enlighten her, switching it on as the news filled the room.  
  
“You’ve reached the number of delegates needed to clinch the nomination!”  
  
“It’s official!”  
  
“We’ve done it Hillary!”  
  
The elation continued to ripple throughout the room as everybody chipped in with their words of congratulations and Hillary felt stunned. Although this moment was the one they had been building to for months and were virtually certain was coming, now that it was here and it was real she didn’t quite know how to react. Everyone was quickly wrapped up in the preparation and logistics of her initial acceptance speech, and as voices sounded all around her for a moment Hillary felt as though the room was spinning as she tried to steel her focus.  
  
“Who has the copy of the original draft?”  
  
“How much time do we have? Hold on which timezone are we even in right now-”  
  
“Now this paragraph needs addressing, the substance is right but it’s still not quite carrying the weight we want it to.” Hillary’s top speechwriter handed her a couple of pages with some revised additions inked throughout it.  
  
“Are you still planning to wear white?” Another aide’s voice piped up from her left. “Somebody will have to track down that garment bag.”  
  
Everything seemed to be happening in fast motion and Hillary found herself wishing she could press pause for just a moment to take it all in. She held on tightly to the chair in front of her and took several deep breaths to try and steady herself.  
  
“I’m sorry I need some air.”  
  
She dashed towards the fire exit, leaving behind a room of nervous staff in her wake. Betsey quickly followed suit behind her, retracing her path and finding her leaning against the concealed stairwell outside. She approached her tentatively, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as the cool crisp air washed over them both.  
  
“I know it’s a lot to take in.”  
  
Hillary nodded wordlessly, her gaze fixed off in the distance as she tried to steady her breath.  
  
“I just keep thinking…” she checked behind Betsey to be sure nobody else was listening, “…about Bill. And how this all could so easily have gone his way. He ran _such_ a brilliant campaign you know.”

“I know. And so did you. There’s not a single doubt in my mind that he considers you to be an incredibly worthy opponent to be beaten by.” Betsey wrapped her arm around Hillary’s shoulder gave her a little squeeze. “And that he’s very, very proud of you.”  
  
Hillary leaned her head against Betsey, grateful of her embrace and the opportunity to express everything she'd been keeping locked up inside since the numbers started turning in her favor. She was longing to focus on the moment and everything she knew she’d worked so hard for, and yet her heart was still preoccupied with the one man who had never truly left it.  
  
“Do you want to be with him?” Betsey’s voice cut through the silence again as though reading Hillary’s inner monologue.  
  
She ran her fingers through the golden tousles of her hair and her voice came out as barely more than a whisper. “Yes. More than anything but… It’s complicated…”  
  
Betsey sighed, turning the younger women around to face her suddenly and looking her straight in the eye. “Life is complicated Hillary. Yours is about to get even more so. Don’t you think you could do with having someone to lean on through all of this?”  
  
“I don’t know…” Hillary wished she could pin her thoughts down as they chased each other across the labyrinth of her mind. “I’ve always managed fine on my own.”  
  
“But you don’t have to anymore.”  
  
Hillary slowly nodded, turning over everything in her brain as she thought back over the chaotic highs and lows of the past months, the loneliness of the seventeen years that separated them, and the blossoming love that existed before then.  
  
“I do want to be with him.”  
  
“There isn’t anything standing in your way anymore.”  
  
“But the campaign-“  
  
“Let me stop you right there.” Betsey cut in before Hillary could derail herself any further with what was surely about to be a well thought out list of reasons to talk herself out of it. “You aren’t running against each other anymore. It’s an unusual situation for sure, but there’s no rules against it. And we will carry on doing everything we can to keep your personal life private and make sure any relationship stays out of the press, okay? Please don’t reason your way out of your own happiness Hillary. Life’s too short for that.”  
  
Hillary listened to Betsey’s heartfelt words and glanced down at the silver bracelet on her own wrist; the gift Bill had given her at the airport right before she had first flown to Washington back in '74, one she had recently started wearing again for reasons she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Suddenly it felt like a lifetime ago since they had been that young couple. She knew she couldn’t let another chance pass her by again.  
  
“You’re absolutely right.”  
  
Betsey smiled in relief, both finally feeling things falling into place and heading in the right direction and she gave Hillary a little friendly nudge.  
  
“Wanna know what else I’m right about?” Hillary turned her head toward Betsey curiously and waited to be enlightened. “Bill definitely would _not_ want you to be distracted from one of the most important speeches of your life on account of brooding over him.”  
  
That seemed to snap Hillary back into action. She let out her signature ripple of loud laughter then stood right up straight, the fight back behind her eyes and the steel back in her step as the two women headed back into the building towards the holding room where their anxious team were all hanging in suspense waiting for them.     
  
“Let’s do this.”

  
_____________________________

 

Dressed in a chiffon pearl white blazer and matching skirt suit with her hair styled half clipped back and half falling loosely around her shoulders, Hillary entered the room to a thunderous applause and she was hit by a wall of sound which almost took her breath away. Everywhere she looked as she made her way to the stage there was a sea of people cheering and chanting her name, some with tears in their eyes but all with beaming smiles on their faces, waving their flags and all waiting for _her_. It was exhilarating and overwhelming all at once and Hillary took a deep breath, trying her best to take it all in and savor every last second.  
  
She shook as many hands as humanly possible on her walk to the stage, high-fiving some kids along the way and waving to those further back who she couldn’t reach. When she finally got to the platform and her podium Hillary placed her hand over her heart at the sheer enormity of the moment, as she took her place standing on the pages of a milestone chapter in history.  
  
In a nearby hotel, Bill was watching the coverage of her speech on television after painfully wrapping up his own defeated campaign and publicly conceding. Facing his supporters after letting them down had knocked a lot of the fight out of him, and the only conceivable silver lining he could find now was being able to watch Hillary rise in the wake of his fall.

Bill felt positively overcome with pride as he watched her on that stage, her voice so full of strength and emotion as she spoke about Seneca Falls, the final barrier of the glass ceiling that remained between a woman and the presidency, and then about her mother. Born on the very same day that congress passed the nineteenth amendment to the constitution that granted women the right to vote, Bill knew that Dorothy would be watching her daughter from the audience with her heart brimming with love and pride, all of which he felt too. Even though his name now wasn’t going to be the one on the ballot, he had never felt more confident that his party’s chances of victory was in very safe and capable hands.  
  
Right as Hillary's speech was drawing to a close, the sound of the telephone ringing pierced through Bill’s hotel room and he startled in surprise. Curious as to who on earth would be trying to contact him now of all times, he picked up the receiver with slightly bated breath and waited to hear who’s voice was on the other end.  
  
“Hello?”

  
_____________________________

  
  
Within an hour Bill was hurrying his way across town to Hillary’s hotel where Betsey Wright had told him she was waiting for him. Their telephone call had been brief, and he had overheard the chaotic commotion in the background on Betsey’s end of the line as the response to Hillary’s speech echoed far and wide. He had no idea why Hillary had suddenly decided to see him, and he could only hope it was finally the reason he had been longing for.  
  
He raced through the cream and gold decor of the hotel hallways, his keen eyes scanning the door numbers for the correct room until he quickly located it and with bated breath, knocked nervously on the last remaining barrier of the finely polished wood that stood between them.  
  
The second Hillary swung open the door and laid eyes on him she flung her arms tightly around Bill and pulled him into the room. The sincerity of their embrace brought unexpected tears to both of their eyes and they hugged without exchanging so much as a word, hands threading through each others hair and holding on as close and as tight as they possibly could.  
  
Eventually they pulled apart just enough to be able to look into each others eyes with their arms still wrapped firmly around the other, not wanting to let go.  
  
“We lost seventeen years worth of time together Bill.” Hillary finally whispered, and hearing her say it out loud somehow made it all the more painful. “And we can’t get that back, but I’ve realized, I don’t want to lose a single day more.”  
  
Her gaze was pouring into him now, crystal blue into ocean blue and shining with all the possibilities of the threshold of a second chance between them that they both knew they were currently standing on.  
  
“Neither do I.”  
  
Their foreheads pressed together as they edged closer in proximity, lips barely inches from brushing against each other when a thought suddenly struck Bill.    
  
“I was going to call you to concede.”  
  
Hillary’s fixed gaze fluttered from his lips to his eyes for a moment, before inevitably being drawn back down to her initial point of focus as she whispered her response.  
  
“Given our current proximity, I think we can probably forego the tradition of the call.” Her voice was breathy and sweet and coated with love and desire thick as molasses.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
They drew in closer again, feeling each other’s breath held slightly in anticipation.  
  
“In that case then let the record show that I, Bill Clinton, gracefully, completely and utterly concede to you, Hillary Rodham.”  
  
His low whisper sent a shiver down her spine, and she just about managed to murmur out a couple words of her own back in response before their lips finally connected and they slowly and languidly fell into each others orbit.  
  
“And I you.”


	24. Together

_“In that case then let the record show that I, Bill Clinton, gracefully, completely and utterly concede to you, Hillary Rodham.”_  
  
_His low whisper sent a shiver down her spine, and she just about managed to murmur out a couple words of her own in response before their lips finally connected and they slowly and languidly fell into one anothers’ orbit._  
  
_“And I you.”_

Their lips brushed slowly and softly against each other, savoring that feel and taste they could never quite get enough of as their eyes slipped shut. Unlike their last encounter fueled by such an impassioned heightened anger, this time their joining was slow and steady, flooded with years of pent up emotion and loneliness and longing as the reality of just how much they had missed each other hit home.  
  
The kiss took time to build before gradually deepening and Bill brought his hand down from delicately cupping Hillary’s face to slide lower down her back, pressing her body closer to his. She let out a little whimpered gasp of longing as she felt him starting to harden against her through the fabric of their clothes, digging into the softness of her curves and she shifted her hips to grind against him in response. The friction drew a low groan from the back of Bill’s throat as they rubbed against each other, fighting the struggle to hold back while simultaneously both more than ready to completely give in.  
  
They stumbled hastily backward into the room until they reached the large hotel bed. Fresh cool cotton brushed against Hillary’s heated skin as they sat back onto the sheets as _“I love you,”_ and _“I want you,”_ spilled from their lips, words aching with need and promise and perfect surrender. Bill’s slender fingers slipped beneath the smooth white satin of Hillary’s jacket, gently pushing it from her shoulders and leaving her in only a thin lace camisole. He drew in a sharp breath as Hillary smiled coyly, slipping the garment over her head and Bill could hardly believe how perfect she was. No longer the young woman she had once been the very first time they made love back in their early years at Yale, but she was still every bit as beautiful. Due to the hurried nature of their previous encounters on the campaign trail, fully undressing had never been a viable option, and so it was only now Bill was able to fully appreciate every dip and curve of her body again. Creamy intoxicating skin flushed pink and so divinely soft he wanted to kiss every inch of her, leaving his touch imprinted on her skin while his own burnt beneath the surface just drinking her in.  
  
His large hand rested on her thigh as they resumed their kiss with a greater intensity, his other hand tangled through her hair and her fingers threaded through his as they pulled each other closer. Hot and heavy breaths filled the room as the atmosphere thickened around them, gasps turning to low moans as Hillary slid her hand downward, unbuckling Bill’s belt and cupping his growing arousal through his pants. Watching his face as she gently stroked him through the fabric sent desire spiking through her core and Bill had to take several steadying breaths to keep it together. Their most recent coupling on the table in his hotel room had been so quick and hasty that he was determined this time things were going to last, that he was going to slowly and deliberately worship every single part of her exactly the way she deserved.  
  
“Baby-" he reached down and stilled her hand movements and she blinked up at him inquisitively but with that undeniably playful glint in her eye that he loved so much. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”  
  
Hillary licked her lips and smiled back, yielding to him to take the lead. She shuffled backwards on the bed, eyes never leaving his as he stripped himself of his shirt which she had partially untucked from his pants while they’d been kissing, and his eyes wandered across her body as he leaned into her again.  
  
“We’ve got the whole night…” He whispered hot against her ear, trailing wet kisses along her exposed neckline between each panted sentence, “…no rallies to hurry back to…no schedule to keep…just you and me in this hotel room.”  
  
“Mmmh-" Hillary sighed contentedly, her eyes slipping shut as she slid her hands over the newly exposed skin of his back and felt every ripple of muscle and the warmth of his body.  
  
“Lie back baby. Let me show you exactly how much I love you.”  
  
She found herself melting at his voice, complying with his words and slowly falling back against the pillows on the bed as her glossy golden hair splayed out all around her. Bill continued to pour all his concentration into scattering her skin with soft kisses, traveling lower down her body to the creamy swells of her breasts and the smooth curve of her stomach. Hillary squirmed as his warm and wet mouth gave thorough attention to each and every sensitive part of her body, latching onto exactly the right spots and her back arched up as his kisses slowly found their way to her hips and the waistband of her skirt, which he slowly unfastened and tugged gently down her legs.  
  
Bill drew in a sharp breath once he had rid her of the garment and discarded it to the floor, taking in her intoxicating scent and seeing the clearly visible dark area of her panties where she was soaking through the fabric  
  
“So wet…” He hummed in approval and Hillary wriggled underneath him as his breath tickled directly against where she was desperate to feel him most.  
  
“You always did have that effect on me.” She whispered back, and Bill raised his eyes to meet hers before edging back up her body to capture her lips again. His hips rolled against hers as they kissed, his tongue slipping into her mouth to toy with hers and she could feel his arousal digging hard into the soft skin of her stomach as his body pressed on top of hers. Hillary’s hands snaked down his front where his half unbuckled belt still lingered in her way, and she made quick work of sliding the accessory from the loops of material and unfastening his pants, pulling down the fabric along with his briefs where she found him thick and smooth and throbbing just for her.  
  
Bill groaned against her mouth as he suddenly felt her delicate fingers wrapping around him, stroking him with a painfully slow rhythm that almost left him breathless.  
  
“I’ve missed this.” Hillary whispered, her voice coated thickly with arousal. “I’ve missed how good you feel, hard in my hand.”  
  
“Oh god- Bill gasped as his mind was stripped of all other thought besides her and her touch. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”  
  
“I think I have a pretty good idea…” Hillary licked her lips with a smile and Bill felt in awe of just how much he loved and needed her. He slid his own hand down to meet hers for a moment, gripping over her fingers and aiding her strokes a couple of times before pulling both of their hands completely away. He groaned at the loss of contact and Hillary pouted a little in protest, but her expression quickly changed as Bill’s long fingers danced over the fabric of her panties, slowly tracing the swirling pattern with the lightest tantalizing touch. Everything felt burning hot and so damn good. Hillary thrust her hips forward in frustration as Bill tortuously avoided the areas where she was aching to feel him the most.  
  
“Bill-" Her head was thrown right back against the pillows as she gasped breathlessly in anticipation, _“please.”_  
  
“Please what baby?”  
  
“Please touch me.”  
  
Bill grinned, marveling at how divinely perfect she was reduced to this desperate state. “I am touching you darlin.” He watched her writhing beneath him for a moment longer before finally caving. “Oh, do you mean like this?” He slipped a hand inside her panties and pressed the pad of his thumb over her clit and she let out the softest whimper of pleasure. “Or…like _this?”_ He slowly sank a long finger into her velvety heat, feeling her warmth and tightness as little flutters of muscles rippled around him already.  
  
“ _Ohhhh_ god, Bill,”  
  
She arched up against his skillful strokes inside of her while Bill watched the pure bliss wash over her face as she struggled to keep it together; her skin so pink and flushed, her hair tousled all around her and the heavy rise and fall of her chest, her crystal blue eyes slipping closed as she focused solely on him and what he was doing to her.  
  
“Don’t hold it back baby,” he used his palm to apply extra pressure to her clit and the result was almost instant, “just let it come, you’ll feel so much better.” Her entire body tensed as she clamped down tightly around his fingers and let out a soft cry while Bill continued talking her through it in a hushed and raspy tone.  
  
“That’s it baby, you’re so beautiful. I love you Hillary, I love making you feel good.”  
  
Once the waves of her orgasm subsided and she regained her breath she found Bill’s lips crushed quickly back against hers, caressing passionately as all the little whimpers and sounds she was making slowly drove him wild.  
  
“Hillary,” he groaned between kisses as their thighs pressed perfectly against each other. “I need you so much.”  
  
Hillary was struck by the sudden vulnerability in his voice. “I’m right here.” She brought her hand up to the nape of his neck, pulling him in even closer. “I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
“I never want to have to be without you ever again.” Bill whispered back, and she held on to him extra tight.  
  
“I don’t have any intention of ever letting that happen.”  
  
She connected their lips once again, letting things build up slowly this time after the tenderness of their exchanged words until they found their pace again. Hillary’s hand threaded through Bill’s hair as the other found rest on his back and they gently rocked against each other. She could feel him throbbing hard against her now with every single move they made, and finally she reached down between them and gripped him in the palm of her hand.  
  
“Now,” Her tone was low and sweet as dripping honey as she began to stroke him again, “let’s do something about this, hm?”  
  
From the back of his throat Bill let out a string of moans at the feeling of her perfectly soft skin as she touched him. Her name escaped his lips and she felt the ache rising in her core again at the sheer rawness of his voice. As her deft fingers worked on him his train of thought was completely shattered and he was barely able to think about anything else other than how much he needed to be inside of her.  
  
Unable to wait any longer, they both reached down and fumbled to completely slide off her panties which were still half on and sticking to her after coming inside of them. Peeling the drenched fabric down and discarding it to the floor Bill guided himself between her thighs, both watching as he slowly inched his way inside of her and her body swallowed him all the way in until she was completely and perfectly filled. Hillary tipped her head back against the pillows and her eyes slipped shut for a moment as they both stilled, allowing each intimate sensation of their joining to wash over them and it almost felt as though no time had passed between them at all.  
  
Slowly they began a languid steady pace, each deliberate stroke both evoking memories and creating new ones. Hillary’s blue eyes met Bill’s shining ones as they rocked into and against each other, heat burning between them and each push and roll of their hips drove them closer and closer toward the edge until finally they fell into ecstasy together. Hillary clenched around him with a gasp and pulled him along with her, wrapping her legs tighter around him as he found his own release deep inside of her and they collapsed back into the bedsheets breathlessly.  
  
“Well…” Bill finally mumbled once the moment had settled around them. “I’ve certainly missed that.”  
  
Hillary’s giggle rippled through the silent room as she edged her heated body closer to his again.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Bill's hand cradled the back of Hillary’s head as their lips found each other again, caressing against each other and maintaining their connection even as the temperature cooled around them until finally and contentedly in each others arms, they drifted into a deep sleep. 

_____________________________

  
Bill stirred awake late the next morning, the glaring brightness of day shining through the curtains and forcing his closed eyelashes to flutter slowly open. He rolled over and was surprised to find the bed empty on Hillary’s side. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, giving himself a minute to adjust as he briefly wondered if he had perhaps dreamed the entirety of the night before. But the sheets still smelt like her, that soft and sweet unmistakably Hillary scent he adored so much and as he cast his gaze further out across the room he found increasing evidence that the previous night had indeed taken place. High heels were kicked off by the door, various items knocked from the vanity table onto the floor where they had backed against it, and several clothing garments were scattered in disarray across the room. A smile crept across Bill’s lips as memories of the evening came flooding back to him afresh and he slid himself off the bed and got up in search of Hillary.  
  
He couldn’t find her in the ensuite bathroom or in the little connected study to the hotel room and his features creased into a puzzled frown. Her shoes and clothes were still in the closet (and on the floor) so he knew she couldn’t have gone very far. Then he suddenly noticed the curtains were blowing gently with the breeze into the room from the balcony, and he realized the French doors leading out there were open.  
  
Slipping on his dressing gown Bill moved toward the balcony and stepped through the gap in the curtains, feeling the crisp late morning air revitalize him and there; laying on the smooth tiles of the balcony floor, was Hillary.  
  
“Hey,” he alerted her to his presence curiously, wondering what she on earth was doing out there lying on her back wearing only her nightgown and socks. Her glasses were perched on her nose as she gazed up at the sky and her face was free from all the make up he had grown so accustomed to seeing her in. It made him beam an incredibly goofy smile to see her looking so much like her old self again; that bright-eyed, wild-haired girl he’d fallen so hard in love with all those years ago. _His girl._  
  
“Oh, hey.” Hillary glanced up at him with a smile but didn’t make any move to get up.  
  
“Are you trying to hit the headlines?” Bill nodded toward her somewhat state of undress and she let out a loud giggle.  
  
“We’re twenty five floors up Bill. And it’s a sheltered balcony.”  
  
“Hmm well good thing. Because gorgeous as you look like this, I don’t think it’s a sight that the rest of the world deserves the privilege of a share in.”  
  
Hillary rolled her eyes, rose pink rising to her cheeks a little at his flattery but her mind was still elsewhere, lost deep in contemplation.  
  
“Y’know I used to do this with my mom if ever I had a bad day at school. We’d go out into the backyard and just lie there, pointing out shapes in the clouds until all our worries floated away with them.”  
  
Bill smiled fondly with a nod. “I remember you telling me about that once. It is pretty calming.”  
  
He glanced up at the sky himself for a moment, before quickly disappearing back into the bedroom and returning a moment later with two pillows. Bill knelt down to ease a pillow between the hard tile and Hillary’s golden-haired head before leaning back on a pillow of his own and settling himself down next to her. She was still strangely quiet and Bill couldn’t help but feel a little concerned.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
Hillary’s gaze stayed fixated on the clouds above them, internally debating whether or not to share the thoughts that had been plaguing her before eventually reminding herself that honesty had to be the way forward between them this time. After a further minute of silence as she geared herself up while Bill patiently waited, she finally spoke.  
  
“Do you know what somebody asked me yesterday?”  
  
Bill shook his head silently and sidled up a little closer to her, assuring her he was listening. 

“A woman asked me if _‘considering all my advocacy for children and families, do I regret pursuing such a high powered career rather than having a family of my own?’”_  
  
Bill winced, feeling her frustration and immediately knowing the direction this was headed.  
  
“I mean honest to goodness it drives me mad Bill. Every time I’m sure we’ve made progress and that attitudes are changing it’s like something has to strike me down and put me back in my place and remind me just how far there still is to go.”  
  
Bill slipped his hand over hers, stroking his thumb across her fingers comfortingly. “It’s impossible to change the mind of someone who doesn’t want to be changed. But just think of all minds you _have_ changed. All the barriers you’ve broken down and all the young girls and women who are growing up across the country right now and seeing _you_ in the spotlight, showing them all that there’s no limit to what they can achieve with their lives.”  
  
Hillary sighed, her eyes still heavy with thought as she shook her head in exasperation.  
  
“I just don’t understand why some people are so convinced that it had to be one or the other; the career or the family. That I couldn’t have had both and couldn’t possibly have ascended to any great heights with you by my side.”  
  
Exactly who she was referring to by ‘some people’ was painfully clear, and the real question behind her rant burned on her tongue. Bill could sense it coming because it was the very same question he had asked himself more than thousand times as well.  
  
“Why did you let them convince you too?”  
  
He wished with all his heart he had a satisfying answer he could offer to that, anything to help ease the years of wondering and doubt he had unwittingly created. The truth was he didn’t know either, and he felt heavy once again with the weight of just how much he had let her down. He had always been her strongest supporter when they were young, believed she could do anything and be anything without pushing her to be anything other than true to herself. From the very first moment he met her he loved her exactly as she was, and he had never wanted her to be anything other than that.  
  
Only he had buckled to the outside pressure and allowed himself to fall into the ranks of those who were so sure that they knew what was best for her, carving out their own path they deemed acceptable on her behalf as if she wasn’t capable of doing that for herself. Yes, he did it out of love. _But was doing something out of love really any better?_  
  
“Nobody bats an eyelid when it’s a man,” Hillary continued, and Bill got the feeling she was now rationalizing more to herself than for his benefit. “Men are fathers and husbands and senators and presidents all at the same time and they’re never expected to choose. Nobody would dream of asking them to, or of gushing over them exclaiming _‘how DO you do it!?’_ They just do. And the world just accepts that they can and should be all things.”  
  
Silence fell between them for a moment longer as Bill grappled with the right words to express to Hillary everything that he wanted and needed to. They both watched the clouds passing through the sky above them; the purest white against the bluest blue before Hillary finally turned her head and met Bill’s eyes directly.  
  
“I never wanted to choose, Bill.”  
  
“And I never wanted to choose for you.”  
  
Hillary nodded slowly in response. It was a short and simple statement, but one she understood completely and acknowledged the full weight of meaning behind it.  
  
“But I know that I did.” Bill added softly, and Hillary smiled sadly but grateful nonetheless. She knew in her heart that he truly hadn’t meant to and finally, something clicked.  
  
Hillary reached down and laced their fingers together by their sides as they lay there. A far simpler gesture of reconciliation than the one they had engaged in last night, but one that meant the world to Bill and he swore to himself in that moment that he would never take for granted what they shared ever again.  
  
“I know that your heart was in the right place…even if it led you to the wrong one.”  
  
All Bill could do was nod in response, blinking back tears that were forming in the corner of his eyes at the sheer gratitude he felt for this incredible woman and her remarkable ability to look right into his heart and see all of his flaws and strengths and still love him so wholly and completely. He was certain in that moment and every moment thereafter that there was nobody else in the world he could ever love more.  
  
“You know I’ve spent an awful of a lot of time looking back lately.” Hillary continued, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Thinking of all the ways it could have been different between us...where we might be now...the life we might have built together…”  
  
“Me too.” Bill nodded solemnly. Truth be told, he’d been thinking those things for the best part of seventeen years.  
  
“And I almost feel like I’m living a double life; talking all day about the future and hope and looking ahead for our country and then coming home and consuming myself with the past and endless might-have-been’s.”  
  
Hillary let out a long heavy exhale at finally getting all this off her chest, her crystal blue gaze swimming with thought and staring at their intertwined fingers as Bill's thumb lovingly stroked against her hand.  
  
“I don’t want to do that anymore.” Hillary finally forced her eyes back up to him to find him watching her intently. “The past is the past Bill, we can’t bring it back. But we do still have the future…the future I want us to share, just like we always planned.”  
  
Bill felt his heart leap inside his chest and the tears he had been managing to hold back up until that point finally fell.  
  
“I want that more than anything in the world.”  
  
He reached his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to bridge the gap between them and softly capture her lips, tasting the hint of salt in their combined tears mixed in with the sweet comfort of each other. As they pulled apart again Hillary settled her head against Bill’s chest, maintaining the contact between them and finding solace in the steady beat of his heart.  
  
“There’s still a hard race ahead.” Hillary acknowledged, and Bill nodded before placing a gentle kiss against the top of her head.  
  
“I’m gonna be with you every step of the way.” He assured her, before then adding with a grin, “after all, nothing says party unity quite like jumping into bed with your former opponent!”  
  
Hillary burst out laughing and the remaining tension shattered as she cuddled up closer to him.

“Well…let’s keep that part to ourselves for just a little while longer, hm?”  
  
Bill smiled back, his eyes more alive with hope than they had been in a long time as everything seemed to finally fall into place.  
  
“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now *officially* this could be the last chapter....
> 
> but...
> 
> there is one final chapter after this and an epilogue (which are both firmly rooted in fantasy land) which I may post them within the next week or so if people do want to read them. But for those of you who prefer not to put yourselves through the slightly excruciating pain of those particular chapters then it might be a good idea to conclusively end the story here instead! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3


	25. The Highest Hardest Glass Ceiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until November 8th to post this chapter, but then I figured it's probably painful enough on its own so I'll be posting the final epilogue then instead. Hopefully this is slightly less excruciating to read than it was to write!
> 
> So, some variation of the night we never got to live...

**_November 3rd, 1992_ **

  
Hillary closed the curtain around her polling booth and took a slow steadying breath. She picked up the ballot paper, just as she had done six times before in her adult life, only this time it was her own name printed there in black and white. _Hillary Rodham, Democratic candidate for President of the United States._ It was exhilarating and nerve wracking all at the same time and she felt humbled by the fact that after all the dizzying highs and lows of the campaign, it all came down to this. Every citizen across the country today would ultimately make their own assessment and judgement on what she and her opponent had presented, and they would make their choice.     
  
Hillary carefully shaded in the little bubble next to her name and took a brief moment to allow for the surreal reality to sink in before her paper would be whisked away from her, joining the millions and millions of others as just another vote to be counted.  
  
Whatever happened next, there was no longer anything more she could do.  
  
Now it was just a waiting game.

  
_____________________________

  
  
The evening sky was slowly turning dark outside as the Rodham staffers and family members gathered in the largest suite of the Chicago hotel where they were all staying for election night. There was a quiet sense of confidence and optimism, the campaign had maintained its momentum and energy right up to the last day they had spent crisscrossing the country, the opinion polls were favorable, and the general feeling in the room was one of positivity as victory looked hopeful to be on the horizon.  
  
But Hillary herself was trying hard not to be swept up in any of that prematurely. She’d seen campaigns go both ways in unforeseen circumstances and although she was quietly confident in her chances of winning, she knew nothing could be taken for granted yet. So she kept herself occupied by throwing herself into the midst of all the friends and family surrounding her; sharing a joke with her brothers, some reaffirming words of encouragement from her best and oldest friends, a much needed hug from her mother and a stiff but sincere expression of pride from her father which meant more to her than she could ever possibly express.  
  
Still, the one person she was longing to see more than anyone was still yet to arrive.  
  
Bill was flying in from Arkansas where he had returned to cast his vote that morning. He had spent the large majority of the past months managing to discreetly find himself never too far from Hillary; campaigning for her wherever and whenever he was asked to by day, and avoiding the glaring eye of the press and quietly slipping into her bed by night as often as they could get away with without drawing any suspicion. Not that they necessarily had anything to hide, but they were sure that the media and the republicans would find some way of manipulating their relationship into a weapon against Hillary’s candidacy, and so they concluded that their best strategy was to keep their personal lives private until the campaign had reached its conclusion. Then they could find a way to gently ease the news into the mainstream awareness in a way that wouldn’t look like a political decision or a perceived conflict of interest, and Hillary would finally be free to wear the eternity engagement ring purchased by Bill over seventeen years ago in pride of place on her finger, where it was always meant to be. The silver band of diamonds he had chosen at just 27 years old, kept safe all this time until Bill had finally found his moment to give it to her on the very last day of the Democratic National Convention after she formally accepted the nomination. That night, away from the eyes of the millions who had watched her deliver her speech, Hillary finally accepted Bill’s proposal to spend the rest of her life with him by her side. From that moment on they had both been absolutely certain that nothing had ever felt more right.  
  
Bill finally arrived at the hotel once the sun had safely set and he was able to slip in through the side entrance attracting as little attention as possible. He quickly scoured the room, greeting some friendly faces and some slightly more dubious ones along the way. He passed by Dorothy Rodham, who gave him a big smile and a wink from across the room when she saw him and he instantly returned the gesture. He liked Dorothy a great deal, and he felt incredibly grateful that she had accepted him back into the life and family of her daughter and had trusted Hillary’s instinct to give him a second chance.  
  
After stopping and chatting with a few people who pointed him in the right direction, Bill finally found Hillary at the edge of the room talking with a group of her top staffers. The second she caught sight of him standing there from the corner of her eye Hillary’s face lit up into a picture of pure happiness. She quickly concluded the conversation she had been engaged in and approached the man she had been waiting for all evening, who in turn promptly threw his arms around her and pulled her in tightly for a hug.  
  
“I missed you.” Hillary sighed against his chest, breathing in the comforting familiar scent of his aftershave.  
  
“You saw me yesterday.”  
  
Bill smiled as she tilted her head up to look at him and her gaze instantly locked with his, interlacing her fingers together behind his back and drawing him in closer momentarily forgetting that anybody else was even in the room with them.  
  
“Yesterday feels like a long time ago.”  
  
She led him out into the hallway so they could share a moment alone, gently brushing their lips together in a tender kiss that was slow and sincere, temporarily soothing the looming anticipation of what the rest of the night would hold.  
  
“So who’d you vote for?” Bill joked, feeling the nervous tension in her shoulders as he held her and wanting to break the ice and make her smile. It worked, and for a moment Hillary’s intense air of concentration broke into a ripple of easy laughter.  
  
“Hopefully the same person you voted for.” She grinned back, and Bill felt all the better at seeing her light up.  
  
“Well I know it’s a private ballot, but I’ll let you in on a little secret.” He leaned in close and whispered to her ear although they were alone. “I voted for the kindest, most capable, intelligent, compassionate and might I add, beautiful person to ever have their name on that paper.”  
  
Hillary felt her cheeks turn pink as his words wrapped around her like a comfort blanket.  
  
“Bill…”  
  
“And I’ve never cast a vote I’m prouder of.” He kissed the top of her golden haired head and kept his arm draped around her shoulder as she leaned against him, allowing the safety of his arms to provide her with some solace before she inevitably stole another glance up at the clock on the wall, ticking ever closer toward the conclusion of her fate.  
  
There was still a long night to go yet.

  
_____________________________

 

As the evening went on and the exit polls started to come in Bill was leaping upon every single new statistic as soon as it became available, soaking up any new information like a sponge and reporting back to anyone who would listen. Hillary on the other hand, didn’t want to know anything until it was definitive. Each time Bill came rushing up to her with an ecstatic or puzzled expression and clearly longing to pour out all the information he was harboring, Hillary simply shook her head and held up her hand and he had to go find somebody else to enlighten instead. A routine they would repeat an increasing number of times before the nights end.  
  
In the few rare moments Hillary found herself alone over the course of the evening she thought back over the campaign she had run; the past four months shifting from the primaries to the general, the debates against President Bush, endless rallies and town halls and forums and TV appearances all swirling back through her mind as she tried to resist the urge to analyze every decision she’d made under a microscope in her head. She knew that would be the least healthy thing she could do for herself right now, but the agonizing waiting was making it harder and harder for her to shut off those thoughts completely, despite her best efforts to clear her mind.  
  
Bill, still in his state of restlessness, tried his best to keep Hillary distracted and in good spirits before the all-important returns started coming in. At one point he dashed down to the hotel kitchen and after briefly sweet talking and complimenting the chef, returned with a thick slice of mocha cake and tiptoed through the suite in search of Hillary. He soon found her sitting at the window by herself, lost in thought and gazing out into the night. They were on the top floor of the hotel, and the view overlooked hundreds of little windows lit up from the inside and countless people and cars all passing by on the street below. Hillary found herself wondering about each and every one of those people and the stake they all had in the outcome of tonight as she watched them all going about their business; each with their own stories and lives and political beliefs and each with their own opinion of her. The responsibility felt overwhelmingly enormous, combined with the helpless sense that there was nothing more she could do to win their support, and so Hillary felt immensely grateful when a moment later she was pulled out of her thoughts by a warm and steady hand on her shoulder.  
  
“For the nerves.” Bill slid the plate of cake across to her and she smiled thankfully at him. “I was going to bring whiskey, but then I remembered you’ve still got a speech to give tonight.”  
  
He said it with an air of optimism, intended as a nod toward her prospective victory speech, but the unvoiced possibility of having to give a concession speech still lingered in the back of Hillary’s consciousness. She drew in a sharp breath and prayed that was the only place it would ever live.  
  
“Thank you honey. I don’t think I could possibly eat anything though.”  
  
Bill nodded understandingly, pulling up a chair beside her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she snuggled against him. Just having him there with her helped gradually ease her worries away, and as Bill had silently suspected she eventually picked up the cake fork and began nibbling at the sweet caffeinated sponge, letting out little satisfied sighs of approval every now and then which were music to Bill’s ears.  
  
He kissed the top of her head as she ate, breaking off a piece for himself as they sat wrapped up in the comfortable silence together.  
  
“You know I’m so incredibly proud of you Hilly.”  
  
She looked back up at him, feeling moved by the sheer love she found there in the depths of his eyes pouring directly into her.  
  
“I love you, you know that?”  
  
“I do.” Bill smiled with a nod. “And I love you too, with all my heart, and for all of my days.”  
  
They brought their lips together again and they both knew in that moment that no matter which way the night ended, they were going to be okay.

  
_____________________________

  
  
As the first polling stations across the country closed and the returns began to come in Hillary felt her stomach tied up in knots. Her composure on the outside was seemingly calm to the casual observer, but on the inside her heart was beating so hard in her chest she felt almost sure that every person in the room would be able to hear it. Bill could always see right through the unruffled image she presented to the world on the surface and he squeezed her hand extra tightly, using his thumb to rub slow soothing circles across her fingers as they stood together and waited for the outcome to unfold.  
  
Georgia and New Hampshire were the first wins of the night, closely followed by Vermont. 20 electoral votes. It was a small relief to see that blue up on the screen as a first reminder that their optimism was not misplaced, but there was still a long and unpredictable night ahead yet, and the entire room remained on edge as everyone stayed glued to the television.  
  
Indiana was called for Bush. Kentucky, Florida, and South Carolina were all too close to call yet, and some nervous shuffling around was beginning to sweep through the room as the coverage continued. Opinion statistics being reported were looking to be leaning in their favor, which was encouraging to Bill but Hillary by nature was trying not to pay attention to any of that, and Bill stroked a comforting steadying hand along her back as they continued to watch.  
  
Her home state of Illinois was called next, and everyone in the room breathed an audible sigh of relief followed by some cheers of celebration as it turned blue on the map. Hillary glanced at the clock as 8pm crept closer, the time when a lot of polls would be closing and subsequently called one way or another now increasingly soon.

Every torturous minute and hour that passed by seemed to do so both painfully slowly and alarmingly quickly. Hillary was torn between wanting it to all be over already and wanting to hold on tight to every single second of possibility with all her might before it slipped away and the outcome was concretely determined.  
  
As the night went on, Maryland, Michigan, Massachusetts, Maine, and Connecticut were all declared for Hillary, while South Carolina went to Bush and eventually, Idaho and Utah. Although things were going well, the tension in the room was unbearably thick and it felt as though nobody had taken a breath for seemingly hours. Florida was still too close to call, along with North Carolina, Arizona, South Dakota and Montana all proving to be incredibly tight races. Hillary paced the floor as the coverage continued, as always finding the waiting unbearable once there was nothing more that could be done. She decided to make a brief escape back to the solitude of her room, grateful of the quiet walk and opportunity to collect her thoughts without being asked every minute how she was feeling and how she thought it was going.  
  
By the time she returned to the main room just after nine-thirty there had been a definite shift in atmosphere, and she was there just in time to witness the television networks officially declaring it: Hillary Rodham was the projected winner.  
  
_President-Elect Hillary Rodham._  
  
The atmosphere in the hotel suite felt suddenly charged with electricity. For a moment, Hillary couldn’t quite find her voice in the midst of being surrounded by all the people she loved so dearly, hugging and crying with joy and excitement. Then Bill scooped her up in his arms and spun her around in glee, much to the brief alarm of the watching secret service security detail. Feeling the strength of Bill’s arms lifting her and the light of his eyes beaming with pride and joy the reality slowly began to set in. _She had won._  
  
Suddenly George H. W. Bush was on the telephone to concede, and a flurry of activity quickly spread throughout the hotel as preparations were made for her team to make their exit and drive to the convention center where countless supporters were eagerly awaiting the victory speech of the first ever female president-elect. Over a year ago Hillary had announced her candidacy on that very same stage. Now she would return in the knowledge that enough people had put their faith in her and trusted her to lead and deliver results. She was determined never to let them down.  
  
She quickly disentangled herself from Bill’s arms and geared herself into focus mode. First and foremost she needed to get changed, and then she wanted to look over her speech one final time with the fresh perspective of finally knowing for certain that she was really going to be granted the honor of delivering it. Disappearing into her room to get dressed, she snatched the pages of her speech from the table and instructed her makeup artist to meet her in fifteen minutes.  
  
Once she was alone, Hillary closed her eyes and whispered a short prayer under her breath. In the next room, Bill did the same.  
  
Putting her quick mind to work as she glanced up at the clock, Hillary read through the all important words of her speech one final time, making some last revisions before pulling her sweater over off her head and grabbing her outfit and heels and stepping into the ensuite bathroom to change.  
  
As she unzipped the garment bag containing her crisp white suit Hillary was caught by surprise at her own tears filling her eyes as the historic weight of the moment hit her all over again. This wasn’t just her victory, or her party’s victory or even just today’s victory; this was a victory that had been made possible and fought painfully hard for long before she was even born. A woman president was no longer just an almost-within-reach notion reflected on the other side of the glass ceiling. It was a clear and present reality, and one that she and so many others had finally written permanently into the history books for all the world to see.  
  
“Madam President-Elect?” A voice sounded on the other side of her door just as she and her stylist were doing their final checks of her reflection in the mirror. It took Hillary a second to fully realize that title was hers.  
  
“Are we ready to leave?” Hillary opened the door to find a smartly dressed Bill beaming at her proudly, along with a slightly stressed but equally thrilled looking Betsey. They linked hands and a giddy concentrated silence fell over them as they walked to the cars, accompanied by their increasing entourage.  
  
Once they arrived at the convention center, Bill stole one last moment with Hillary before she stepped out in front of the watching millions and addressed them for the very first time as their next leader they had chosen.  
  
“Ready?”  
  
Hillary nodded firmly, fighting against the urge to lean up and kiss him in favor of not smudging her carefully applied lipstick at such a crucial moment, knowing full well she was about to be up for intense scrutiny for all the world to see.  
  
“I love you.” Bill whispered, giving her hand one final squeeze as she was ushered towards the stage.  
  
“I love you too.” She mouthed back silently before taking her place in the wings and waiting for her cue. Adrenaline, nerves and exhilaration rushed through her body all at once. _This was it._ The moment she had been building to since first starting out on this journey with absolutely no idea of what was ahead of her was really happening.  
  
A minute later the lights beamed down and it was time. As Hillary took to the stage for the very first time as President-Elect, confetti cannons positioned in the top corners of the convention center launched thousands upon thousands of pieces of holographic confetti into the room, all shaped to look like tiny shards of glass representing the barrier of the glass ceiling she had spoken of throughout the campaign. Finally shattered. Hillary couldn’t remember ever feeling more elated with joy as the music blasted from the speakers and she caught glimpses of the crowd through the lights as older women; several born before women could even vote at all, embraced each other with tears in their eyes and little girls and boys alike danced through the confetti in delight. Photographers raced across the floor to capture the weight of this new chapter in history; mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, and sisters and brothers all celebrating in unison as the symbolic remains of what had been broken swept through the room.  
  
As much as this was her moment, Hillary knew that this night truly belonged to all of them.

> **_After all when there are no ceilings, the sky’s the limit._ **

 


	26. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone who has commented on and supported this story, it’s definitely the longest and most complicated I’ve ever written and I’m kinda sad to end it really. The epilogue is only short but hopefully it still provides a satisfying enough conclusion to this fantasy timeline! 
> 
> So I don’t think I’ll be writing anymore multi chapter stories after this because I probably spend a little too much time on them, but I’ll hopefully still write oneshots from time to time when I get the inspiration and I do have a couple of ideas for a (very) mini series of stories so I’m sure I’ll write that at some point too. 
> 
> Thank you all again for reading, I hope everyone’s holding up okay on this day we all hoped would be so different a year ago today, and that this provides some level of brief escape from that reality at least <3

_**January 20th, 1993**_  
  
Hillary stood at the western front of the Capitol with Bill by her side, slowly taking in the breathtaking view from the Washington Monument, to the Lincoln Memorial right down across the Mall now packed with countless onlookers, all eager to catch a glimpse of history in the making. The air was crisp and cool but the sun still shone brightly, beams of warming light bursting through the clouds and casting their glow across the historic day unfolding below as the upbeat chords of the band playing struck through the atmosphere.  
  
“Ladies and gentlemen, the Chief Justice of the United States who will administer the presidential oath of office to Hillary Diane Rodham.”  
  
The music ceased and applause rippled right out into the distance as hands were shaken and everyone took their places. Bill opened the bible and held it ready for Hillary, his heart beaming with pride and feeling beyond privileged to be sharing this moment with her. He didn’t yet know that exactly sixteen years from this day, he himself would also stand where Hillary stood now, and she would proudly hold the bible for him as he too was given the honor to serve and take the very same oath that she herself was about to. He didn’t yet know that the two of them would make further history by becoming the very first married couple in America to have both held the highest office in the land. And he certainly didn’t know that by the time that day came they would have been joined by their two young adopted children, who would share in it all and bring them both more joy than they ever imagined possible.  
  
All of that was still in the future, but for now, this was Hillary’s moment. All eyes across the country, whether they supported or opposed her were ultimately trained on her as she stepped into the role held by forty one men before her over the past two hundred and four years. Now it was time to break that pattern; to step out amongst the shattered remains of the barrier she’d broken and prove that she was worthy of the awesome responsibility that the American people had entrusted her with, that she was not ever going to forget or let down the people who had put their faith in her and got her there.     
  
“Senator, are you ready to take the oath?”  
  
“I am.” Hillary fixed her gaze steadily, feeling the sheer weight of the moment pressing down on her as she placed her hand on the bible. She glanced down at her newly adorned wedding ring gleaming on her finger as it caught the light of the sun and she smiled.  
  
“Would you please raise your right hand and repeat after me: _I, Hillary Diane Rodham, do solemnly swear.”_  
  
“I, Hillary Diane Rodham, do solemnly swear,”  
  
_“That I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States.”_  
  
“That I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States.”  
  
_“And will to the best of my ability,”_  
  
“And will to the best of my ability,”  
  
_“Preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States,”_  
  
“Preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States,”  
  
_“So help me God.”_  
  
“So help me God.”  
  
Canons sounded in the distance as the United States Marine Band struck up the opening of ‘Hail to the Chief’. Hillary had heard those chords played so many times over the course of her life, going right back to the very first inauguration she had watched sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the television as a little girl. She felt incredibly moved in the knowledge that those very same chords were now being played for her and she thought for a moment of today’s little girls, another generation gathered around television sets in their own homes and watching her being sworn in as the first female president of the United States.  
  
_You can’t be what you can’t see._  
  
Now, everyone could see.  
  
Every little girl across the country that day could look to her and see themselves and never doubt the limits on their capabilities as they grew up and into in the world. To Hillary, nothing made it all the more worthwhile than that.  
  
She was suddenly aware of Bill’s arms wrapping around her as she was congratulated from every direction, and the beaming smile of pure wonder on his face soon spread automatically to hers as he kissed her cheek and whispered _“I love you.”_  
  
Hillary gazed up at him, her eyes expressing the same sentiment back to him before she whispered it too, and hand in hand they both stepped forward and waved out across the platform to the crowds below as applause and celebration stretched far and wide rippling through the atmosphere.  
  
Everywhere Hillary turned people were smiling and flashing cameras in her direction. Her mother was stood just behind her, filled with emotion and cheering louder than anyone. Her father was giving her the same steady smile he had given her throughout her entire life, yet even with his reserve for outward displays of affection the pride and approval reflected in his eyes was crystal clear and Hillary felt simply overwhelmed. Despite the elation of election night when she had declared victory, this was like nothing she had ever experienced before and she was suddenly incredibly grateful of Bill’s hand tightly squeezing hers, keeping her grounded.  
  
As the rowdiness of the onlookers slowly simmered down, Hillary collected her thoughts and prepared to step towards the podium to deliver her inaugural address. While she waited to be introduced as her cue she cast her mind back to the very first public speech she had ever given, twenty four years ago as the first student commencement speaker at Wellesley. Much like today, she had worked on perfecting that speech until the early hours of the morning, writing and rewriting and carefully weighing up exactly the message she wanted to convey and the very best possible way to express it. But unlike today, that young woman scribbling away in her dormitory as the sun began to rise outside her window had no absolutely idea of the great heights to which she herself would one day rise.  
  
“The President of the United States, Hillary Diane Rodham.”

_____________________________

  
Hours later, after all the hustle and bustle of activity and the parades and processions had passed, Hillary finally found a brief moment to herself in the early evening to reflect. She took the opportunity to take a short quiet walk through the west wing foyer and down into the lobby and corridors, along the way admiring each of the portraits hanging on the walls of every person who had lived this history before her. The history she had now joined.  
  
She had only a few minutes alone before Bill turned the corner from the residence looking for her. He was half dressed in his evening wear, his bow tie hanging loose around his neck in preparation for the first of the eleven inaugural balls they were to attend that night. Hillary smiled as she locked eyes on him and they walked towards each other, which took something of a longer time than they were used to considering the sheer width and length of the grand corridors of the White House. They both found themselves giggling slightly at what Bill later compared to the slow motion romantic reunion in movies which he commonly described as _‘just wanting to press fast forward so they get to each other already.’_  
  
When they finally did reach each other they interlaced their fingers and grinned in giddy excitement. They both knew that at any moment somebody was going to come calling for them and the stresses and down-to-the-minute schedules of their new lives would demand their full attention again. But until they did, they were free to soak in the moment of where they were standing and more importantly, where they were standing together.  
  
“Did I interrupt your deep reflective state?” Bill teased, having seen her blinking at her surroundings in almost an awed daze before he had approached her from the other side of the corridor.  
  
Hillary laughed and gave him a playful shove.  
  
“There’s no one else I’d rather be interrupted by.”  
  
“Good,” Bill pulled her in close and wrapped a sturdy arm around her slender shoulders, “because I have a feeling you’re going to be interrupted quite a lot over the coming years.”  
  
She smiled as he kissed the top of her head and she nestled against him. She hadn’t got changed into her lace indigo ballgown for the evening yet, but her hair had already been immaculately curled and twisted into a style around her head that was a complete mystery to Bill, but it looked completely and utterly beautiful.  
  
“I can’t believe I’m married to the president.” Bill grinned, and Hillary bit her lip with a laugh.  
  
“I can’t believe _I’m_ married to the first ever First Gentleman.” Hillary countered, before adding, “and definitely the most handsome.”  
  
“Well that is a good thing…” Bill slipped his hand lower to wrap around her waist beneath her jacket, “because you are _definitely_ by far the most beautiful president to ever grace these halls.”  
  
He leaned in and pressed their lips together, feeling her smile against his through the kiss and completely certain that nothing had ever felt so entirely perfect.  
  
“Thank you for being by my side today.” Hillary whispered once their lips had parted again, reaching up and using her thumb to swipe away some of the lingering burgundy lipstick she had left smudged there.  
  
“I don’t plan on ever being anywhere else again.”  
  
They stayed locked comfortably in one another’s embrace as Bill brought his hand down to Hillary’s, affectionately stroking a finger over the gleam of both their wedding rings.  
  
“For better or for worse.” Bill echoed a reminder of the vows they had exchanged hand in hand less than a month ago and Hillary nodded earnestly before joking with a chuckle.  
  
“In high approval ratings and in low!”  
  
Bill joined in her laughter, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as they continued their walk throughout the halls, feeling the weight of every step they took in the house they now called home. A house that had seen so much, survived so much and changed so much and now they were the trusted writers of its next chapter and more chapters to come than they even realized yet in that blissful moment. Around the corner two secret service agents lingered, a constant presence they would slowly grow used to as they kept close by to their Eagle and Evergreen, ensuring their safety throughout the years as they walked through history together.  
  
Living history,

  
changing history,

  
_making history._

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave your thoughts and feedback they really mean the world!


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